inadequate.

C

Commander78

New member
i'm just feeling really down today. idk i feel like i'm wasting my life just sitting around every day. i know i'm not because i'm my nephews nanny, but i'm starting to feel like my life is redundant and boring. i realize that this is probably coming straight from the PMDD, meaning WORSE than what pms could ever be. it happens for the 2 weeks until that wonderful time comes. (sorry for the over share...but it is what it is...). it makes me depressed and just irrational. ugh.

and then today i called the administration building for the school i coach at because they don't have my paperwork on file and that is not good. the band director never told me to get my paperwork in, so i didn't and now i'm not sure if i'll get paid or whatever. worse thing is, while talking to the woman i messed up what i was saying and i think i managed to confuse both her and myself.

i just feel inadequate. i'm scared to apply for jobs because i'm afraid i won't be able to live up to my education...which is RIDICULOUS because i graduated from a college that makes AMAZING teachers. schools look for teachers that graduated from my school because of the intense training we go through. talk about pressure going in to a job.

idk, today i just woke up and wanted to go back to bed and not move. i wanted to not face my day. now i want to cry. a large part of this may also be because i'm lonely as hell with my parents on vacation and my boyfriend living an hour away.

obviously i could never live alone...i would go insane.

now i have to get myself all ready to play the role of friend and confidant as well as the coach that doesn't take shit from anyone. i'm really not in the mood to put on a happy face. i am in the mood to just sit here like a vegetable and whine about life.

who the fuck is this whiny person? i don't like her very much. i want my happy, effervescent, confident, hardworking, caring, and motivated attitude back. i don't like the me i am today...or this week...
 
:hug2: when you get home, take a long, hot bath. If you have bubbles to add to that, do that cause bubbles are awesome for calming. Seriously, though, it does sound like you are depressed and probably from your PMDD. It won't last. I also know that from staying at home a lot with my boys, it can feel a bit tiring. It's draining to take care of a baby. So, do yourself a favor and pamper yourself whenever you get the chance. It's you time when you are not working or nannying. Your parents aren't home, but that too will not be forever. They are coming home. Your boyfriend is ONLY 1 hour away. It could be worse. I'm sure if you really needed him, he'd come right on over. Don't be afraid to focus on yourself. You deserve it!

As far as work goes. That just sounds like butterflies. I second guess myself all the time, but you need to realize how many people get hired that don't know nearly as much as you. You have a more recent education. You have a fresh mind and a fresh attitude. You bring somethign new to the school. Have a little faith in yourself and the school you learned from. You already know it was a good school that make good teachers. You are one of them!!
 
See, you should just come live with me. I'll make you hot chocolate and run a bath for you!

OK and on a serious note---everyone doubts themselves all the time, but if its really affecting you more than a little bit or more than occasionally, why don't you go talk to a trained therapist about it?

Otherwise, this will probably pass with a long hot bath and some Jane time like Bitch said.

And hot sexy nudes to my email. Really.
 
Jane, Look in the Mirror
DEAD LINK
Tell your existential crisis
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Tell Yourself that You Can
DEAD LINK

And Jane
DEAD LINK
​
 
LMAO the LAST thing i need are implants hahaha

thanks for the advice guys, i really appreciate it. A came here for the weekend and my spirits lifted quite a bit. my parents will be home tomorrow and i shouldn't be lonely anymore. we'll see how it goes :D i really do want to take a soothing bath one of these days haha
 
You're so lucky to be coaching, Jane. I say this because it's obviously therapeutic to let loose a little more fury on those younger, still bright and poppy versions of ourselves. So go ahead, flame one of those fuckers. You know you got a kid you don't like. It'll be okay.

In all seriousness, you and I are in a similar position. Just have to keep looking towards the good things. It's tough out there girlie, but we'll get it. :)
 
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