In-Law/Overbearing Grandparent Problems?

♫Mama of One♫ · Sep 18, 2009

We have one child. She is the first grandchild on both sides and the first girl born in the family in a very long time. His parents try to 'take her for the entire weekend' every two weeks. I work full time and so does he. The weekend is our only real time to bond and spend entire days with our daughter. His parents get mad and complain when they can't have her when they ask for her (or when i tell them no simply because i want to be with her), which infuriates me, to say the least. Anyone else dealing with overbearing grandparents who just don't understand that she's our daughter and we're not 'sharing custody' with them? We don't have to let her go with them for the weekend... it's a privilege, not a right (which they believe is their right as grandparents)... Any thoughts?
Yes, they both work full time. So during the week is not an option.
Thank you so much for these answers. I'm really relieved that we're not the only ones who go through this.

Ethan's Mommy · Sep 18, 2009

Do they work? If not, let them take her for a couple days during the week while you're at work. They'll get to spend tome with their beloved grandchild, and you'll save money on childcare.
Since they both work full-time, maybe you could pick one night every week to bring her over there for a nice family dinner. You'd be off the hook for making dinner, and they'd get to see her without taking tiime away from you.

Stacy's Mom · Sep 18, 2009

I have a similar problem with my mom. Her issue is that she lives several hours away and wants to come stay with us once a month. We never, and I mean never, had people coming to stay with us when we were growing up so I don't think she has a clue what an annoyance a frequent houseguest is.

She also grew up living very near to (as did I) both sets of her grandparents so in her mind, it's only natural that she should see our daughter frequently. I try to keep in mind her frame of refrence when I'm getting irritated with her.

That said, I also do not bend over backwards to accomodate her requests to visit. Sometimes her feelings get hurt, but that's not something I can control - and remembering THAT is the secret to staying sane. You can control yourself, you can make the choices that work best for your family, but you cannot control how someone else chooses to deal with it. You are not hurting them, they are choosing to be hurt because they refuse to think about your needs.

aimee_id · Sep 18, 2009

I'm in the middle of the same thing. My MIL currently thinks she needs my daughter about every other weekend right now too. I only work part time and I still don't want my daughter gone that much (not to mention it's a free for all at their house that doesn't do my daughter any favors). I think the best thing to do is the be straight up honest with them and explain you don't get much time as it is with her to let her go so often. I think if you reassure them that she can still stay sometimes it would help. You just need to find a reasonable balance.

tracy · Sep 18, 2009

You are doing the right thing. Of course they love her and want to be around her but it is when you want her too not when they want to. You said it you dont share custody with them. It sounds like your husbands feels the same way. I feel that you both should invite his parents over for supper and explain to them how you feel.For them to get mad is crazy. This is your daughter not theres and they can still have a relationship with her you didnt tell them that cause you want to keep her from them. Your good parents and she wont stay little for long so enjoy her while she is your little girl. Good luck just talk to the overbarring grandparents lol

Jen · Sep 18, 2009

Let me start by saying, I think it's great they want to be involved in their grandchild's life, but... I sometimes get the feeling that our parents and spouses parents think they do a better job. My mom is the overbearing one. She always wants my daughter to spend the night and constantly steps over me when I reprimand or parent. It's very frustrating. She allowed my grandmother to practically raise my brother and me and now she thinks it's her turn to do this. I think all you can do is hold your ground and stick with the attitude that this is your child and while you would be happy for them to watch her all weekend when you and your spouse need to get away for a weekend together, they do not need to have her every other weekend. Since it's your husbands parents, he needs to stand his ground too. They need to see that you two are both on the same page and if they don't like it, they don't need to have your daughter any weekend.

Meagan C · Sep 18, 2009

I have the same issue with my in-laws. They think that they should be able to have my son whenever they want and it makes me so mad. It's like they think that he is theirs too and that is not the case. They don't want him for the full weekend, just every evening. He goes to early headstart until 2 and then daycare til 5 when I get off. They are calling by six to see if they can keep him til nine every night. I hate it and just ignore the calls or tell them no. Which in turn starts fights, but he's my son. Why can't they see that? I don't know how to help with it, but know that you aren't alone in this case. Sorry I can't offer a solution, I would if I had one!

twoodshair · Sep 18, 2009