M
Mommy x 5
Guest
A friend of mine who is a psychologist suggested that I share my story with people. She thinks I am carrying around a lot of guilt and regret.
So if you are in the mood to read a story....here is mine......
I guess I will start at the beginning. I was born on April 14 1982. I have an amazing family. I was the 3rd child born in my family. I had a brother that is 5 years older than me and twin sisters that are 3 years older than me. 3 years after I was born my mom had my sister, then 5 years after I was born she had my brother. I absolutely love my family. I was born and grew up in Boston. We all loved where we lived and I had an amazing life. In the summer of 1999 my family was uprooted because of my dad's job and we moved to New York City. I was devastated by this move. I was 17 years old, a high school junior and knew no one. It was horrible. My older siblings were at college, which was also a hard transition for my family. I felt alone.
In December of 1999 this adorable, popular senior named Jake, asked me out. I said yes and we dated for the rest of the school year. I fell totally in love with him. My world got ripped apart again when he decided to go to college in California. I fell into a deep depression. My studies consumed my life. I was alone again. All I wanted to do was: finish high school; go to an accelerated college program; go to med school; become a doctor. That was my focus for the next few years. I didn't have time for friends or relationships.
In the Spring of 2002 I graduated from college (I did an accelerated program with no breaks). In September of 2002 I entered med-school at Columbia in New York. I loved every minute of med school. I was a straight A student and could not wait to become a doctor.
On November 17, 2003 I bumped into this guy on campus. It was Jake. I hadn't seen or heard from him since the summer of 2000. I figured he was married off to some model and probably didn't even remember me. I was so shocked I just walked away when I saw him. Later that week I got a note to meet my RA (whom I had a thing for) at a certain restaurant near campus. He wasn't there. He had gotten sick and I didn't get his message. Jake was. He was eating, alone, at the bar. I mustered up the courage to walk up to him and say hi. We talked for about 5 hours that night. I found out that he had not even dated anyone since me. That day when he walked back into my life, I knew I couldn't lose him again. I still loved him and always would.
We dated for the next year. He was also very engolfed in his studies, so we didn't spend much time together. Our relationship was very strained. In the summer of 2004 we decided to just be friends. We both had extremely deep feelings for each other and that was an extremely difficult decision to make. We still hung out with each other often.
On December 14, 2004 we were going Christmas shopping together, as friends. I was tired so I sat on a bench infront of the Rockefeller Christmas tree. He sat down....Before I knew what was going on Jake leaned over and kissed me. It wasn't just a peck or friendly kiss. It was a romantic, passionate, amazing kiss. I was shocked. We had agreed to be friends and here he goes messing everything up by kissing me.
He got on down on his knee and pulled out a box with the most amazing, HUGE, beautiful diamond ring. I was seriously shocked. He said, "Carrie, you were my first true love....my only true love. I want you to be my wife. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to grow old with you and have children with you. You are my heart and my life. You mean the world to me and I can't live my life without you. I love you so much. You are my best friend......will you be my wife?"
I was sobbing at this point, but said yes of course.
We had the most amazing wedding at the Plaza Hotel in June of 2005.
I loved being married! It was the most amazing thing ever.
In December of that year I found out I was pregnant. This was definitely not in our plans. I found out I was pregnant the morning Jake was going to take his boards. This was arguably the most important day of his career and I had just broken the news that we were going to have a baby. At the time Jake was a 4th year med student and was going to be placed for residency. I was a 3rd year. This news rocked our world. It was so overwhelming. The next 8 months were not fun. I was still in school and was very depressed.
In August of 2006 we welcomed our beautiful daughter Alyse into the world. She was so amazing and absolutely perfect. I had a small case of post partum depression after she was born. I felt like I had wasted my youth. I jumped from single life---engaged life---motherhood. It was not how I wanted my life to go. I eventually accepted the fact that I was a mother and nothing would change that. I love my daughter and am totally in love with her.
I was still studying to become an obstetrician so she went to day care. I felt very guilty about
So if you are in the mood to read a story....here is mine......
I guess I will start at the beginning. I was born on April 14 1982. I have an amazing family. I was the 3rd child born in my family. I had a brother that is 5 years older than me and twin sisters that are 3 years older than me. 3 years after I was born my mom had my sister, then 5 years after I was born she had my brother. I absolutely love my family. I was born and grew up in Boston. We all loved where we lived and I had an amazing life. In the summer of 1999 my family was uprooted because of my dad's job and we moved to New York City. I was devastated by this move. I was 17 years old, a high school junior and knew no one. It was horrible. My older siblings were at college, which was also a hard transition for my family. I felt alone.
In December of 1999 this adorable, popular senior named Jake, asked me out. I said yes and we dated for the rest of the school year. I fell totally in love with him. My world got ripped apart again when he decided to go to college in California. I fell into a deep depression. My studies consumed my life. I was alone again. All I wanted to do was: finish high school; go to an accelerated college program; go to med school; become a doctor. That was my focus for the next few years. I didn't have time for friends or relationships.
In the Spring of 2002 I graduated from college (I did an accelerated program with no breaks). In September of 2002 I entered med-school at Columbia in New York. I loved every minute of med school. I was a straight A student and could not wait to become a doctor.
On November 17, 2003 I bumped into this guy on campus. It was Jake. I hadn't seen or heard from him since the summer of 2000. I figured he was married off to some model and probably didn't even remember me. I was so shocked I just walked away when I saw him. Later that week I got a note to meet my RA (whom I had a thing for) at a certain restaurant near campus. He wasn't there. He had gotten sick and I didn't get his message. Jake was. He was eating, alone, at the bar. I mustered up the courage to walk up to him and say hi. We talked for about 5 hours that night. I found out that he had not even dated anyone since me. That day when he walked back into my life, I knew I couldn't lose him again. I still loved him and always would.
We dated for the next year. He was also very engolfed in his studies, so we didn't spend much time together. Our relationship was very strained. In the summer of 2004 we decided to just be friends. We both had extremely deep feelings for each other and that was an extremely difficult decision to make. We still hung out with each other often.
On December 14, 2004 we were going Christmas shopping together, as friends. I was tired so I sat on a bench infront of the Rockefeller Christmas tree. He sat down....Before I knew what was going on Jake leaned over and kissed me. It wasn't just a peck or friendly kiss. It was a romantic, passionate, amazing kiss. I was shocked. We had agreed to be friends and here he goes messing everything up by kissing me.
He got on down on his knee and pulled out a box with the most amazing, HUGE, beautiful diamond ring. I was seriously shocked. He said, "Carrie, you were my first true love....my only true love. I want you to be my wife. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to grow old with you and have children with you. You are my heart and my life. You mean the world to me and I can't live my life without you. I love you so much. You are my best friend......will you be my wife?"
I was sobbing at this point, but said yes of course.
We had the most amazing wedding at the Plaza Hotel in June of 2005.
I loved being married! It was the most amazing thing ever.
In December of that year I found out I was pregnant. This was definitely not in our plans. I found out I was pregnant the morning Jake was going to take his boards. This was arguably the most important day of his career and I had just broken the news that we were going to have a baby. At the time Jake was a 4th year med student and was going to be placed for residency. I was a 3rd year. This news rocked our world. It was so overwhelming. The next 8 months were not fun. I was still in school and was very depressed.
In August of 2006 we welcomed our beautiful daughter Alyse into the world. She was so amazing and absolutely perfect. I had a small case of post partum depression after she was born. I felt like I had wasted my youth. I jumped from single life---engaged life---motherhood. It was not how I wanted my life to go. I eventually accepted the fact that I was a mother and nothing would change that. I love my daughter and am totally in love with her.
I was still studying to become an obstetrician so she went to day care. I felt very guilty about