So, I'm gay, and just barely out (Maybe 15 people know?).
Tonight I was laying in bed with a close female friend. She knows I'm gay.... It was strictly just a comfortable friend thing.
And I realized I was thinking the whole time.... "I wish she was an attractive guy". She said I smelled good. I hadn't even considered that kind of appeal/comfort before. I realized the way she smelled did nothing for me whatsoever. So now I'm kind of desperately... longing... for someone to just have that comfort with. By physical desires, I don't mean I'm craving sex... Just someone to be comfortable with that I find appealing.
The problem is, I'm not obviously gay.. I don't give off 'gay vibes'. So unless I'm hunting for people... Opportunity doesn't approach. And there are still a lot of key people who don't know I'm gay, because I'm afraid to tell them. So it's hard to be open. AND, I won't just get with someone I don't know for a night to have a body to use... the total comfort is what I'm absolutely craving right now. But my options are severely limited.
Is there anything I can do to curb this? I don't want to focus on this while there's little I can do... I know if I was more out, I'd have better odds... But for now it is what it is?
This sounds weird... But I think it's 'cuddling' I really really want now...
I'm 19 =P 15 people know...
Tonight I was laying in bed with a close female friend. She knows I'm gay.... It was strictly just a comfortable friend thing.
And I realized I was thinking the whole time.... "I wish she was an attractive guy". She said I smelled good. I hadn't even considered that kind of appeal/comfort before. I realized the way she smelled did nothing for me whatsoever. So now I'm kind of desperately... longing... for someone to just have that comfort with. By physical desires, I don't mean I'm craving sex... Just someone to be comfortable with that I find appealing.
The problem is, I'm not obviously gay.. I don't give off 'gay vibes'. So unless I'm hunting for people... Opportunity doesn't approach. And there are still a lot of key people who don't know I'm gay, because I'm afraid to tell them. So it's hard to be open. AND, I won't just get with someone I don't know for a night to have a body to use... the total comfort is what I'm absolutely craving right now. But my options are severely limited.
Is there anything I can do to curb this? I don't want to focus on this while there's little I can do... I know if I was more out, I'd have better odds... But for now it is what it is?
This sounds weird... But I think it's 'cuddling' I really really want now...
I'm 19 =P 15 people know...