I'm only 18...

E

enfriendemy

New member
...but I feel like an old maid. It's weird. A bunch of my friends are already off getting engaged and married and such, having kids, moving out of state, etc... I know that some of their marriages probably won't last, but it kind of makes me worry, because I haven't had a relationship in a while, and I am kind of worried about meeting new people now, because of all the risks involved like: what if he's a criminal? What if I get shot down because I'm overweight? Dangit, what if he's gay?
I know I shouldn't be thinking about this now because I'm pretty young, and there are lots of women out there who have become the cat lady, but gah! I don't want that to happen to me!
Anyway, was this/is this a common theme among your friends? A handful of them marrying off young, and crapping out babies within the first year?
 
Yeah, you don't want to settle down just yet. You are "only" 18, and still young. I would take advantage of that and go out and have fun, not worry about getting married or having kids. You don't want that kind of stress right now at such a young age. Your friends are going to have gray hairs before they know it and you, you can show off you looks without the gray hairs and stress of it all. Your age is the age to be having fun, not settling down.
 
Definately keep dating, but don't try to find marriage, that's just retarded. Personally I'm planning on getting married after college at the soonest. You will be in college soon, and if you think about it, 4 years is a long time to find the right person, and even if you don't then, you still have PLENTY of time. :thumbsup: Some of my friends are going out of town too, some to the Navy, some going all over. Personally I'm worried about meeting new people too once I get to college, because I am picky about friends, and I want active friends that actually want to do shit every day like play basketball/football.
 
Life is beautiful if you want it to be.... Don't go meeting people to marry them, if you'll find "mr right" then marry him not the other way around, coz it won't be love, it'll be a sick need to get married.

And another thing, DAMN YOURE PARANOID... don't, the world is full of different people, if you won't like one thers's always another one....
 
Why don't you overcome your genetic coding, and live instead. Life can be about more than dating, kids, and the M word. Why join the crowd? Why not find things you enjoy and then do them, and let the other shit sort itself out? You could suddenly discover you're having so much fun, you stop worrying about being exactly like everyone else.
 
1. Why are you so worried about if the guy you haven't even met yet is a criminal?
2. Why are you already thinking the future guy might be gay or could be gay?
3. Stop worrying about your weight. There are TONS of good men out there that are not that concerned about some extra pounds on someone they could love. If you want to lose some of it for yourself, then try to lose what you want, but only do it if you want to and not because you think someone else will kill you because you are overweight.
4. You need to stop calling yourself old right now! You are 18 years old and you have PLENTY of time to find yourself someone to settle down with. You need to focus on finding a guy you WANT to live with for the rest of your life before you start thinking hypothethicals about you being some old cat lady one day.

It's nice that your friends have found someone they want to be with, but even you mentioned some of them aren't going to last. You can't rush something like this. It's best to take your time to find the man for you and stop worrying about when it's your time. You let that pressure get to you, you may find yourself with a husband that you really can't see yourself with when you are old. You'll resent the fact that you let the pressure of getting married and having kids like your friends have get the better of you, and you'll find yourself wanting out of the marriage and divorce is a messy situation especially when kids are involved!

The point is, just let things happen and your chance will come if you let it. Just enjoy yourself, and slow down!
 
I want to add that the grass is always greener hun. You feel inferior? or like you're not as happy or successful as your friends who are already married but I assure you they feel just as inferior or unsettled as you. In fact, I will bet many envy you for not rushing off and commiting so young to a serious relationship. If they don't yet, they will in a matter of months. Of course many will deny this if they need to feel more secure about themselves.

Think about the big picture. What do you think is a good age to settle down and marry? If you say 22, 23, 30, 50 whatever, then just keep thinking that and enjoy the time getting there. There is no specific "right" age to marry, but 18 sure isn't the best one. Statistics will prove that most of your friends' relationships won't last past a few years. You'll more than likely see your friends prove that statistic to be pretty accurate.
 
I had a similar experience i guess, you've always got the friends that find their love by the time they're 16, and it just kinda leaves the rest of us to sit and think should we really be spending our times going out and getting laid like we were when we were 16-17? or should we find someone to settle down with...

The idea is, just go with what you feel comfortable with. and don't rush
 
My mom had two kids before she was 21, one at 18 and the other at 20. She had to bust her ass working as did my father. Also being parents and married young doesn't work. You are no where near as mature as you need to be. Even if you are "mature for your age".
 
Im never getting married anyway.

If I cant just be "with" a girl without her getting antsy because she wants some expensive jewelry then she can go screw herself.

Wait til your friends start dying off! :eek: I've had several friends pass away due to various accidents and tragedies. :sad:
 
I see some issues here that are larger than the "feeling old" thing you seem to be primarily concerned with. What about the seeming lack of self-esteem and the fear of rejection that comes with it? What's the reason you haven't had a relationship in a while? Have you even tried to find one? If not, why not? Everybody is afraid of being rejected by others, but most people wouldn't let that fear stop them from at least trying.

There's a point where a very rational fear turns into something totally irrational or even phobia. You haven't mentioned even meeting somebody that has potential and you're already making excuses about why it wouldn't work. You being overweight, him being a criminal.. or gay..

The fear of him being gay completely slays me by the way. If the guy you like just happens to be gay; how is that a slight against you? And again, if he's gay, he never really had potential as a partner for you anyway did he?

I get the feeling that somebody hurt you recently. Maybe even your first love. Seems like it took you out of the game. Why even bother worrying about winning or losing if you're not even playing the game?

Getting away from my InsightfulNinja or, possibly, CompletelyFuckingWrongNinja alter-ego.. here's the standard response: Life your own life the way that makes you happy. No need to emulate your friends and make the same decisions they do. Just do what you do.
 
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