I'm in need of guidance ?

[anonymous]

I need to find a way to express my extreme sadness to my family. I've come to terms that I am in need of help but I don't know how to tell my mom. They say actions speak louder than words but I've cut my self a few times but they were covered so no one can see them or I made it look like my cat did it. I think that the only way is a suicide attempt but I'm a perfectionist so I fear that I'll carry it out completely. The reason I haven't already killed myself is cause of my mom. She would never be able to get over the fact that I killed myself and she would never be happy again. I can't do that to my mom. Sometimes when I think of these things I feel that I'm doing it for attention but I don't know. I just want the sadness to be over. My little brother is also a casue of my sadness. Like he throws fits over the smallest things and he's 14. Tonight he was making a huge deal of making his bed. I told he needs to stop stressing over making his fucking bed. Then he went off and stuff. Right now my family is going through a lot things that I won't get into. Then my mom told me that she had asked me to help him make his bed not piss him off. I try to make my mom happy but nothings seems to work. I'm gonna stop rambling because it's not making sense anymore and before I make my self look any dumber I'm gonna stop. But a few more things, I'm 15 and I've had suicidal thoughts since either 4th or 3rd grade. I thought those would be important facts for you to help hive me advice.