the big hairy one is CLYDE by the way here are your stars
Aries
You will get beaten up at the game for being a cheeky bas. Shouting at the ref again, and get the jail. Drug taking aint cool and you need help with that anger.
Taurus
The new moon today means you will be a feckin lunatic stay away from Ibrox as they may try and sign you werewolf look is in, if you grow hairy enough be mistaken for Mendes.
Gemini
Time to get drunk again, pisshead two faced cheating bawbag. Go and tap up your da for some beer money. Stop shagging people you meet at Yahoo answers.
Cancer
A weekend of greeting as your team are pish and will be humped and you will take it personally and turn up at your club with a pickaxe and balaclava to scare the manager. Maybe murder him. You will get sectioned again.
Leo
Don’t worry about being a prick or stupid loud mouth moo, because when you stand and cheer your shite team on you will be with other loud mouth morons getting a fix. Ya feckin gingerheided pissed up bigot.
Virgo
Again this weekend you will not be getting a shag, that is because you are firgid, gay a lesbo and a virgin all rolled into one. Your tiny nob means you drive a huge car if you are a woman your gawky eyed, fat and ugly and into the works of God and flower arranging. Go to a football match get pissed and shag a stranger! break the boring feckin mould. go on the game, and find a way to pay off the credit card bill.
Libra
Your such a stupid dork, no one even likes you, why you got to sleep with half of Scotland as some sort of hobby Christ knows, if you are planning to attend a match mind and try get there sober bloody drunken excuse for a person. Smash and grab anyway, all Libras are shoplitfers. May as well nab some tops and flags to sell to doatty fans ,nick some fags and stuff if you can get away with it.
Scorpio
The lawyer said you were caught, you are in deep sh!t, there wont be any sense buying a season tickets as you been a bad boy and are going down sonny jim, thought your dirty little secet was dafe, well times up this september weekend. Your facked. Big fine? Huge debts ? Bye bye home hello Bar L.
Sagitarius
You are one bad tempered swine, if you go to a game this week you will probably get caught by the polis pissing up a wall as you get drunk on irn Bru you sad wee pleb.So drink less or you'll regret it. You only care about your own pissed baldy heid.
Capricorn
However in the midst of a busy week try to find a bit of time to catch your breath and consider priorities of a more personal nature. Well guess what, tiny dikk/ or slackfud ,you cannot two time for much longer or you'll get found out. Whos that texting you know? Sleekit cheating swine.
Aquarius
Be prepared to stop feckin lying for once you addicted weirdo. Why are you still doing the bloody lottery as you are never going to win, standing in the pub all day wont bring her back either. Twat.
Pisces
Your still fat ya kunt get to the gym, stop drinking and smoking and start looking after yourself, whats up ? Greeting again ya mamby pamby, what a showing up not even being able to fit in the turnstiles again, sent through the back where they unload the HGVs. Get your stories straight, as your mate will need an alibi.
Aries
You will get beaten up at the game for being a cheeky bas. Shouting at the ref again, and get the jail. Drug taking aint cool and you need help with that anger.
Taurus
The new moon today means you will be a feckin lunatic stay away from Ibrox as they may try and sign you werewolf look is in, if you grow hairy enough be mistaken for Mendes.
Gemini
Time to get drunk again, pisshead two faced cheating bawbag. Go and tap up your da for some beer money. Stop shagging people you meet at Yahoo answers.
Cancer
A weekend of greeting as your team are pish and will be humped and you will take it personally and turn up at your club with a pickaxe and balaclava to scare the manager. Maybe murder him. You will get sectioned again.
Leo
Don’t worry about being a prick or stupid loud mouth moo, because when you stand and cheer your shite team on you will be with other loud mouth morons getting a fix. Ya feckin gingerheided pissed up bigot.
Virgo
Again this weekend you will not be getting a shag, that is because you are firgid, gay a lesbo and a virgin all rolled into one. Your tiny nob means you drive a huge car if you are a woman your gawky eyed, fat and ugly and into the works of God and flower arranging. Go to a football match get pissed and shag a stranger! break the boring feckin mould. go on the game, and find a way to pay off the credit card bill.
Libra
Your such a stupid dork, no one even likes you, why you got to sleep with half of Scotland as some sort of hobby Christ knows, if you are planning to attend a match mind and try get there sober bloody drunken excuse for a person. Smash and grab anyway, all Libras are shoplitfers. May as well nab some tops and flags to sell to doatty fans ,nick some fags and stuff if you can get away with it.
Scorpio
The lawyer said you were caught, you are in deep sh!t, there wont be any sense buying a season tickets as you been a bad boy and are going down sonny jim, thought your dirty little secet was dafe, well times up this september weekend. Your facked. Big fine? Huge debts ? Bye bye home hello Bar L.
Sagitarius
You are one bad tempered swine, if you go to a game this week you will probably get caught by the polis pissing up a wall as you get drunk on irn Bru you sad wee pleb.So drink less or you'll regret it. You only care about your own pissed baldy heid.
Capricorn
However in the midst of a busy week try to find a bit of time to catch your breath and consider priorities of a more personal nature. Well guess what, tiny dikk/ or slackfud ,you cannot two time for much longer or you'll get found out. Whos that texting you know? Sleekit cheating swine.
Aquarius
Be prepared to stop feckin lying for once you addicted weirdo. Why are you still doing the bloody lottery as you are never going to win, standing in the pub all day wont bring her back either. Twat.
Pisces
Your still fat ya kunt get to the gym, stop drinking and smoking and start looking after yourself, whats up ? Greeting again ya mamby pamby, what a showing up not even being able to fit in the turnstiles again, sent through the back where they unload the HGVs. Get your stories straight, as your mate will need an alibi.