I'm dating a cop/military guy.........?

B

::bren::

New member
I’ve been seeing this cop for 10 months. He’s also in the military. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s been taught to be unemotional, but I’m a little taken back that the only place he touches me is in the bedroom. When we’re in public he will not hold my hand unless I initiate or sometimes I’ll hang onto his arm when we walk. We’re both 31. His ex-wife cheated on him and I’m wondering if it was because she found attention in the arms of another man since she wasn’t getting it from him. He’s a tiger in the bedroom, it’s all about me when we’re there, but afterwards…zip, nada. Just mind blowing. I’ve never dated someone that doesn’t touch me. When we sleep we don’t touch, there’s a space between us. When he was still in Iraq (just came home from deployment) we emailed and talked on the phone a lot, he’d say things like can’t wait to wake up in each others arms or to cuddle/spoon. When he came home, nothing like that happened. A truck full of guys pulled up next to us at a redlight the other night and the window went down and one guy said, I just want you to know that your girlfriend is sooo beautiful. He said thanks I do too. Then when we got going he was like, that guy was drunk he has no idea what you look like. I was like, ooooh my god!!! No you just didn’t! Not only does he NOT touch me but we don’t talk a whole lot either. I’ll wonder if something is wrong because he’s so quiet, start talking and he’ll be fine. He doesn’t smile…ever. He’s soooo freakin sexy though. I don’t know. Is this what it’s like to date a military/police officer? He’s not a cop in a big city, we live in a Vermont so it’s pretty rural so it’s not like he needs to have a chip on his shoulder for fighting bad guys. I’m beginning to think that the only place we really do connect is in the bedroom. When I mentioned it to him he said, “this is how I am”. And “I’m not changing who I am”. Also, he has no investing too much into him if he's not going to give me the attention I need. Advice? No immature cop hater responses either.
 
Well from the looks of it you have based a relationship on superficial foundations. You seem to hit on him being sexy and you getting compliments from other men. Which all that is no way to have a relationship. Have you been with him for 10 months since he got back? He just doesn't like PDA. It's not because he is a cop, it's not because he was in the military...he just doesn't like it. The fact that you need that shows you are insecure in the relationship to start and constantly need that reassurance, which is a bad thing. If you are into him for who he is and not because he is "soooo freakin sexy" and a "tiger in bed" then there is nothing to be concerned about. I think you need to re-evaluate what you are exactly looking for in a relationship before blaming him...Also, you assume his wife left him for another man which shows that you are quick to blame others.
 
Your due doesn't like PDA (public displays of affection). He won't change.

If this is a sticking point with you then move on b/c it sounds like you won't get over it.
 
If he means enough to you he would try to change,It doesbn't matter if thats the way he is,if you have been with him through a deployment,he should care enough to show you some affection,I'm in the military and I dont act like that so I'ts not the military that has him unemotional,if you want affection then tell him that he should at least try and if he is not willing to do that,then You shouldn't be willing to stay with him.It almost sounds like he doesn't care about you except in bed.
 
It could be a number of things, he could be unemotional by nature, he could be suffering from traumatic stress from his combat deployment,(or his divorce) he could be really shy. If it's something that bothers you a lot you might want to try couples counseling. Though if he doesn't have a temper, doesn't drink himself to sleep every night, or doesn't treat you like dirt, in addition to what you said about him having a good civilian job and being a Soldier in good shape then you're already better off than most women in America.

You might just have to accept him the way he is. If you give him enough time he'll probably grow more comfortable with being affectionate in public.
 
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