I'm currently in a relationship with a married woman who is awaiting a date in court

[CURIOUS FOR ANSWERS]

to finalize her divorce.? She and her husband have a child together. She is adamant about remaining friends with him and not getting to the point of hating one another like a lot of divorces result in. I can respect that, but what is and should be the limits of there relationship? I'm not asking her to cut ties but just to limit the contact because he doesn't want the divorce and still wants her back. He had a birthday recently and took him to dinner with mutual friends of theirs. She said she forgot his birthday was that day and told me as she was heading to the restaurant. He had sat down with me and her a couple days earlier to say he was letting go and would swallow his pride for his sons sake. She says this BDay thing was her way of saying thanks. How should I handled it? I wasn't told and I want to believe her, but her saying she just remembered his BDay that afternoon has me second guessing. She says she wants to be with me and said it in from of him that they are finished. I need some insight on what the limits to their relationship should be. A schedule, days they exchange their son, pick up drop off days etc. I'm confused and looking for answers. Thanks

 

[tweety]

Sorry to say but that's have it is when you have a almost divorced woman with a child. It's a package deal..Just remember if you do decide to stay with this woman the ex will be in the picture at least until the child is 18. So ask yourself could you handle it?? I couldn't ...

 

[sarahloveskris]

My advice to you would be to back off until the divorce is final. I was in the same situation a couple of years ago. I was still LEGALLY married when I got together with my bf now. It took forever for us to get our divorce final, though. It always turns ugly between the two that are getting divorced, even if the plan is to remain friends because of the child. For me, I was 100% sure I wanted my divorced as soon as I filled out the papers.. even though it was almost two years later that my divorce was final. My bf now says that he should have waited until I had gotten my divorce final. He says he carries a lot of guilt because I had two children with my ex husband and he feels as though he came between me and my ex, and that wasn't the case at all, but he did feel bad for it. Good luck, you're in a tough situation.

 

[Da B]

You've answered your own question. You should encourage her to setup a schedule but you should also be pretty lenient because they share a child. For instance, they must remain civil to each other so decision-making will flow easier for the child's sake. You must not let suspicion blind you. It is what it is. She has told him in your presence "it's over". What more can she do to prove it to you? What would you do if you were in her shoes? Think about it, please. And forget about this birthday thing, it's simply a social event not sex.