Reader and Writer ?
New member
How can I add more detail and emotion to these couple paragraphs? Is my grammar alright as well? I want to grab my reader's attention and satisfy their reading tastes. How can I do that? What could I add to do that? OR is the description fine?
James's fingers gently brushed my hair away. That simple gesture made my heart stomp around inside my chest, burning away the cold and leaving my body searing hot. I found it hard to concentrate on anything other than those beautiful eyes-clear, kind, and young- and the graceful splay of those dark long lashes. An idle smile played over his lips, causing dimples to crinkle up the skin near his lips. I know what this turmoil inside me means: He's the one. My forever.
"I love you, Iris," he said with so much intensity that my heart grew in size. Those very words made my heart gallop and my mouth go dry.
"I love you too, James." I'm kissing him again, my arms wrapped around his neck, my hands in his hair, and my body pressing against his.
Thank-you.
I just turned 14 so be really hard on me
I didn't use a thesaurus anyway! They are the words I use on a daily basis, thank-you very much.
James's fingers gently brushed my hair away. That simple gesture made my heart stomp around inside my chest, burning away the cold and leaving my body searing hot. I found it hard to concentrate on anything other than those beautiful eyes-clear, kind, and young- and the graceful splay of those dark long lashes. An idle smile played over his lips, causing dimples to crinkle up the skin near his lips. I know what this turmoil inside me means: He's the one. My forever.
"I love you, Iris," he said with so much intensity that my heart grew in size. Those very words made my heart gallop and my mouth go dry.
"I love you too, James." I'm kissing him again, my arms wrapped around his neck, my hands in his hair, and my body pressing against his.
Thank-you.
I just turned 14 so be really hard on me
I didn't use a thesaurus anyway! They are the words I use on a daily basis, thank-you very much.