I'm ashamed to accept that maybe I have been bullied in the past, or am i just

[Ashley T]

being sensitive? Well this is the experience I’ve had with a group of girls who I considered to be my “friends” I always felt like they didn’t have my best interests at heart and took pleasure in my short comings and failures. Two of the girls particularly when together would be particularly ruthless, I had such a lack of confidence I feel they used to pray on my weakness. They’d give me dirty looks if I turned up in an outfit saying “that outfit is really old fashioned” “your bag is quite cheap looking” personal digs about my appearance which would leave me feeling so small inside. They’d insult my appearance saying I had small eyes and was too pale, and compared me to really ugly celebrities and laughed and if I looked hurt they’d say “we’re only joking” but none of my other friends got treated so bad. I’ve always suffered from low confidence and I used to shake in their presence because they’d judge me so badly and one of the girls said “look at her she’s shaking like a nervous wreck” and they’d all laugh. One time I had tears in my eyes and felt so vulnerable and weak like I could cry and one of them said “aww look, she looks like she’s going to cry” and I came home that day and felt like the lowest piece of dirty off the floor. They’d always tell me that I’d never go to uni because I’m not confident enough and always said “well what are you actually going to do with your life, you can’t scrounge off your parents forever!” The worst thing that the girls did to me that has really mucked up my mental health (it may not sound like much) but I was a virgin and had the lowest self esteem because of their relentless comments criticising me, we were out getting drunk and I was out of my head and unlike real friends who should have told me I’d had enough, they were encouraging me to have sex with this guy as a one night stand and I was so weak and vulnerable that the next thing I knew we were at my friends flat and she said “here’s a condom and I’ll shut the door” this guy was about 30 and I was so naïve and innocent when it came to sex, I was petrefied and praying that he would stop and then he saw me looking upset and probably thought I was underage and left but It was too late and I think that really harmed my mental health because I wasn’t ready and I thought he might not stop if I asked. Would you consider this to be bullying and if so how survire? Or am I just too sensitive? By the way I’m now on anti depressants