Where's your anger? Where's your fucking rage?
-Boy Sets Fire-
Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed. Some weeks it doesn't pay to open your eyes. Some months it's time to take sleeping pills and wake up when it's all over. I'm thinking this month is going to be like that. All my personal anxieties are crashing down on me like a ton of rot-wilers with rabies. I'm not a pretty sight right now.
So, I'm stuck looking for some sort of cure for what ails me. Yes, I have already tried ale. Doesn't seem to be helping. Oddly enough, adding a depressant when I'm feeling low has lost it's appeal. Maybe I'm just getting old. I try my newest stress relief.... going to the gym. Of course I'm only reminded of how ultimately pathetic I am by the physical prowess of the other males in the room. Hey, I'm good looking (apparently) but I'm also not 250 lbs of pure wet-pantied woman attractor. I figure "Hey, at least my dick must be bigger then those steroid enhanced Neanderthals." Ah.. not so much. The shower can be so disempowering.
Enough about my physique, none of you want to hear about my physical hang-ups. I'll give you a foray into my work troubles to... The usual shit. Having problems with my boss. Trying so dam hard not to fuck up. It's tough being the new guy, and the youngest on staff. It also sucks when you hear down the line that the supervisor who you thought liked you has recently referred to you as "stupid and useless." I think I'm loosing my charm. Oops... I guess I kinda deserved it. I did fuck up. What can you do?
Add to that my money problems. I recently found out that I made less money on my last paycheck then 16 year old kids working at CD plus. Nothing says your appreciated and gives you job satisfaction as discovering that. Weeee... no wonder I'm fucking broke half the time. Oh well, hopefully I'll be back on track by the next paycheck. If not, someone in payrole is getting a rather large boot up the ass. Steel-toed too...
There is of course a lot of other personal shit going on in my life adding to my stress level. the least of which is my ex moving into my parents place on a quazy permanent basis. They have assured me that she won't be around in the summer if I come home... but it's the principle of the thing. It just means another year of feeling so awkward going home that I want rip out my toenails and eat them so I have to be rushed to the hospital then the psych ward.
All in all, my problems are shit. Really they are. There are a LOT of people out there who are way worse off then me. I'm doing pretty good. I don't live in a third world country. I can feed myself, all be in not well. I have a job I like, most days. I have good friends and family. I'm emotionally and occasionally physically stimulated by various people in my life. However, there are many things in my life that way on me. My problem is most complicated. I've become to jaded to rage and too mature to not care. It's starting to impact on me. I need to get that rage back. I need to get angry at life. Not just mine, but life in general. I need to get mad again when i hear about unemployment skyrocketing, or homelessness going up in my city. I need to rage against governments that subjugate their people, to fight against inequality. I want my rage back. I want to care again. I want to shake off this jadedness these stupid expectations and feel empowered again. With that I leave you. If you made it this far good for you. Let the flaming begin... ( I figure it's most definitely coming for this one.) Hey, maybe that will give me something to be impassioned about.
-Boy Sets Fire-
Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed. Some weeks it doesn't pay to open your eyes. Some months it's time to take sleeping pills and wake up when it's all over. I'm thinking this month is going to be like that. All my personal anxieties are crashing down on me like a ton of rot-wilers with rabies. I'm not a pretty sight right now.
So, I'm stuck looking for some sort of cure for what ails me. Yes, I have already tried ale. Doesn't seem to be helping. Oddly enough, adding a depressant when I'm feeling low has lost it's appeal. Maybe I'm just getting old. I try my newest stress relief.... going to the gym. Of course I'm only reminded of how ultimately pathetic I am by the physical prowess of the other males in the room. Hey, I'm good looking (apparently) but I'm also not 250 lbs of pure wet-pantied woman attractor. I figure "Hey, at least my dick must be bigger then those steroid enhanced Neanderthals." Ah.. not so much. The shower can be so disempowering.
Enough about my physique, none of you want to hear about my physical hang-ups. I'll give you a foray into my work troubles to... The usual shit. Having problems with my boss. Trying so dam hard not to fuck up. It's tough being the new guy, and the youngest on staff. It also sucks when you hear down the line that the supervisor who you thought liked you has recently referred to you as "stupid and useless." I think I'm loosing my charm. Oops... I guess I kinda deserved it. I did fuck up. What can you do?
Add to that my money problems. I recently found out that I made less money on my last paycheck then 16 year old kids working at CD plus. Nothing says your appreciated and gives you job satisfaction as discovering that. Weeee... no wonder I'm fucking broke half the time. Oh well, hopefully I'll be back on track by the next paycheck. If not, someone in payrole is getting a rather large boot up the ass. Steel-toed too...
There is of course a lot of other personal shit going on in my life adding to my stress level. the least of which is my ex moving into my parents place on a quazy permanent basis. They have assured me that she won't be around in the summer if I come home... but it's the principle of the thing. It just means another year of feeling so awkward going home that I want rip out my toenails and eat them so I have to be rushed to the hospital then the psych ward.
All in all, my problems are shit. Really they are. There are a LOT of people out there who are way worse off then me. I'm doing pretty good. I don't live in a third world country. I can feed myself, all be in not well. I have a job I like, most days. I have good friends and family. I'm emotionally and occasionally physically stimulated by various people in my life. However, there are many things in my life that way on me. My problem is most complicated. I've become to jaded to rage and too mature to not care. It's starting to impact on me. I need to get that rage back. I need to get angry at life. Not just mine, but life in general. I need to get mad again when i hear about unemployment skyrocketing, or homelessness going up in my city. I need to rage against governments that subjugate their people, to fight against inequality. I want my rage back. I want to care again. I want to shake off this jadedness these stupid expectations and feel empowered again. With that I leave you. If you made it this far good for you. Let the flaming begin... ( I figure it's most definitely coming for this one.) Hey, maybe that will give me something to be impassioned about.