Roger is a pupil of 14 years. He is in the teacher’s office.
Teacher: Now, Roger, I am very ashamed of you. Don’t you want to ask me why, Roger?
Roger: Why?
Teacher: Because you’re a disgrace to this school ... well? Don’t you want to ask me why?
Roger: Why?
Teacher: Because you were found in the girls’ toilets again, Roger. You’re a pervert, Roger.
Roger: Why?
Teacher: Don’t ask me why, Roger! You’re plainly a disgusting beast. Shoving your ... nose ... where it ... well, where it doesn’t belong.
Roger: I told you. It was a mistake. It’s only September. I need to get used to the place.
Teacher: Don’t be stupid, Roger. You’ve been in this school for five years already, surely you would remember by now that men don’t wear skirts?!
Roger: Yes, sir. But sir, I don’t see how that’s got anything to do with it?
Teacher (impatiently, but pretending to try and be patient, drawing out his words) : It’s got to do with it Roger, because the sign on the girl’s toilets is a stickman with a very fat skirt! ... It’s so fat, in fact, that if you narrow your eyes, you can just make out her knickers!
Roger: Sir, isn’t that sexist?
Teacher: Right! That’s it! Bottom up! You’re going to get a smack.
Roger: What for?!
Teacher: For using the S-word.
Roger: But I thought the S-word was ...
Teacher: I don’t care what you thought, now bottom up!
Roger: Sir, surely I need a fair trial.
Teacher(Snatching a cane from the shelf behind him) : A fair trial?! A fair trial?! What is this, the International Court for Human Rights? This is school. A place where young twerps are brought up and disciplined to be gentlemen. This ... is education!
Roger: Excuse me, sir.
Teacher: Yes?
Roger: Well, you know how in history class ... we learn about Hitler ... and Germany ... and the second world war?
Teacher: Yes.
Roger: And how Hitler killed so many people?
Teacher (Getting impatient again, feeling the cane in his hand) : Yes. Get on with it.
Roger: Well, why didn’t nobody smack his bottom then?
Teacher (rolling his eyes) : Well, it’s not like no one tried ... but nobody was powerful enough to smack Hitler’s bottom.
Roger: Would you have smacked his bottom if he was in your school, sir?
Teacher: Of course! No question about it! First chance I got! Hitler’s bottom wouldn’t stand a chance with my stick!
Roger: What if there was no chance?
Teacher: I’d find a chance. I’d make a chance.
Roger: Well, there is this girl, you see ... she hasn’t killed anyone yet ... but I wouldn’t put it past her ... she’s still young, but you know their type ... the one’s who stare at you with evil eyes ... and, I know this sounds gross, sir, but I think she’s growing a little moustache round about here ...
Teacher (guessing the obvious) : Like Hitler did?
Roger: So you’ve seen it too! Anyway...
Teacher: I hate cutting your thoroughly-researched world war three analysis mighty short, but tell me just this. Has this got anything to do with you in the girls’ toilets?
Roger: It does, sir.
Teacher: Were you spying on this poor girl?
Roger: I was, sir. I wouldn’t call her poor though, she -
Teacher: Roger! Now I know this sounds farfetched and ridiculous (sighs deeply) and Heavens above, I hope I am wrong when I ask this: Were you trying to smack this girl’s bottom?
Roger: I was sir! You said so yourself, if you ever got the chance -
Teacher: That’s it! I’ve had it with you! You’re a miserable little git, who delights in crude and cold fantasies. You’re a psychopath if I ever saw one. You must be dealt with a.s.a.p.!
(The teacher gets ready to smack Roger, when he hears someone screaming outside. He looks out and sees a girl beating the hell out of another girl. One of them - the aggressive one - has hair which is straight and slicked to the sides. She turns to look into the window. She has a faint Hitler’s moustache.)
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I personally can't laugh at it. You?
Teacher: Now, Roger, I am very ashamed of you. Don’t you want to ask me why, Roger?
Roger: Why?
Teacher: Because you’re a disgrace to this school ... well? Don’t you want to ask me why?
Roger: Why?
Teacher: Because you were found in the girls’ toilets again, Roger. You’re a pervert, Roger.
Roger: Why?
Teacher: Don’t ask me why, Roger! You’re plainly a disgusting beast. Shoving your ... nose ... where it ... well, where it doesn’t belong.
Roger: I told you. It was a mistake. It’s only September. I need to get used to the place.
Teacher: Don’t be stupid, Roger. You’ve been in this school for five years already, surely you would remember by now that men don’t wear skirts?!
Roger: Yes, sir. But sir, I don’t see how that’s got anything to do with it?
Teacher (impatiently, but pretending to try and be patient, drawing out his words) : It’s got to do with it Roger, because the sign on the girl’s toilets is a stickman with a very fat skirt! ... It’s so fat, in fact, that if you narrow your eyes, you can just make out her knickers!
Roger: Sir, isn’t that sexist?
Teacher: Right! That’s it! Bottom up! You’re going to get a smack.
Roger: What for?!
Teacher: For using the S-word.
Roger: But I thought the S-word was ...
Teacher: I don’t care what you thought, now bottom up!
Roger: Sir, surely I need a fair trial.
Teacher(Snatching a cane from the shelf behind him) : A fair trial?! A fair trial?! What is this, the International Court for Human Rights? This is school. A place where young twerps are brought up and disciplined to be gentlemen. This ... is education!
Roger: Excuse me, sir.
Teacher: Yes?
Roger: Well, you know how in history class ... we learn about Hitler ... and Germany ... and the second world war?
Teacher: Yes.
Roger: And how Hitler killed so many people?
Teacher (Getting impatient again, feeling the cane in his hand) : Yes. Get on with it.
Roger: Well, why didn’t nobody smack his bottom then?
Teacher (rolling his eyes) : Well, it’s not like no one tried ... but nobody was powerful enough to smack Hitler’s bottom.
Roger: Would you have smacked his bottom if he was in your school, sir?
Teacher: Of course! No question about it! First chance I got! Hitler’s bottom wouldn’t stand a chance with my stick!
Roger: What if there was no chance?
Teacher: I’d find a chance. I’d make a chance.
Roger: Well, there is this girl, you see ... she hasn’t killed anyone yet ... but I wouldn’t put it past her ... she’s still young, but you know their type ... the one’s who stare at you with evil eyes ... and, I know this sounds gross, sir, but I think she’s growing a little moustache round about here ...
Teacher (guessing the obvious) : Like Hitler did?
Roger: So you’ve seen it too! Anyway...
Teacher: I hate cutting your thoroughly-researched world war three analysis mighty short, but tell me just this. Has this got anything to do with you in the girls’ toilets?
Roger: It does, sir.
Teacher: Were you spying on this poor girl?
Roger: I was, sir. I wouldn’t call her poor though, she -
Teacher: Roger! Now I know this sounds farfetched and ridiculous (sighs deeply) and Heavens above, I hope I am wrong when I ask this: Were you trying to smack this girl’s bottom?
Roger: I was sir! You said so yourself, if you ever got the chance -
Teacher: That’s it! I’ve had it with you! You’re a miserable little git, who delights in crude and cold fantasies. You’re a psychopath if I ever saw one. You must be dealt with a.s.a.p.!
(The teacher gets ready to smack Roger, when he hears someone screaming outside. He looks out and sees a girl beating the hell out of another girl. One of them - the aggressive one - has hair which is straight and slicked to the sides. She turns to look into the window. She has a faint Hitler’s moustache.)
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I personally can't laugh at it. You?