Roger is a pupil of 14 years. He is in the teacher’s office.
Teacher:Now, Roger, I am very ashamed of you. Don’t you want to ask me why, Roger?
Roger:Why?
Teacher:Because you’re a disgrace to this school ... well? Don’t you want to ask me why?
Roger:Why?
Teacher:Because you were found in the girls’ toilets again, Roger. You’re a pervert, Roger.
Roger:Why?
Teacher
on’t ask me why, Roger! You’re plainly a disgusting beast. Shoving your ... nose ... where it ... well, where it doesn’t belong.
Roger:I told you. It was a mistake. It’s only September. I need to get used to the place.
Teacheron’t be stupid, Roger. You’ve been in this school for five years already, surely you would remember by now that men don’t wear skirts?!
Roger:Yes, sir. But sir, I don’t see how that’s got anything to do with it?
Teacher (impatiently, but pretending to try and be patient, drawing out his words) :It’s got to do with it Roger, because the sign on the girl’s toilets is a stickman with a very fat skirt! ... It’s so fat, in fact, that if you narrow your eyes, you can just make out her knickers!
Roger:Sir, isn’t that sexist?
Teacher:Right! That’s it! Bottom up! You’re going to get a smack.
Roger:What for?!
Teacher:For using the S-word.
Roger:But I thought the S-word was ...
Teacher: I don’t care what you thought, now bottom up!
Roger:Sir, surely I need a fair trial.
Teacher(Snatching a cane from the shelf behind him):A fair trial?! A fair trial?! What is this, the International Court for Human Rights? This is school. A place where young twerps are brought up and disciplined to be gentlemen. This ... is education!
Roger:Excuse me, sir.
Teacher:Yes?
Roger:Well, you know how in history class ... we learn about Hitler ... and Germany ... and the second world war?
Teacher:Yes.
Roger:And how Hitler killed so many people?
Teacher (Getting impatient again, feeling the cane in his hand):Yes. Get on with it.
Roger:Well, why didn’t nobody smack his bottom then?
Teacher (rolling his eyes) : Well, it’s not like no one tried ... but nobody was powerful enough to smack Hitler’s bottom.
Roger:Would you have smacked his bottom if he was in your school, sir?
Teacher:Of course! No question about it! First chance I got! Hitler’s bottom wouldn’t stand a chance with my stick!
Roger:What if there was no chance?
Teacher:I’d find a chance. I’d make a chance.
Roger:Well, there is this girl, you see ... she hasn’t killed anyone yet ... but I wouldn’t put it past her ... she’s still young, but you know their type ... the one’s who stare at you with evil eyes ... and, I know this sounds gross, sir, but I think she’s growing a little moustache round about here ...
Teacher (guessing the obvious) :Like Hitler did?
Roger:So you’ve seen it too! Anyway...
Teacher:I hate cutting your thoroughly-researched world war three analysis mighty short, but tell me just this. Has this got anything to do with you in the girls’ toilets?
Roger:It does, sir.
Teacher:Were you spying on this poor girl?
Roger:I was, sir. I wouldn’t call her poor though, she -
Teacher:Roger! Now I know this sounds farfetched and ridiculous (sighs deeply) and Heavens above, I hope I am wrong when I ask this: Were you trying to smack this girl’s bottom?
Roger:I was sir! You said so yourself, if you ever got the chance -
Teacher:That’s it! I’ve had it with you! You’re a miserable little git, who delights in crude and cold fantasies. You’re a psychopath if I ever saw one. You must be dealt with a.s.a.p.!
(The teacher gets ready to smack Roger, when he hears someone screaming outside. He looks out and sees a girl beating the hell out of another girl. One of them - the aggressive one - has hair which is straight and slicked to the sides. She turns to look into the window. She has a faint Hitler’s moustache.)
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I personally can't laugh at it. You?
Teacher:Now, Roger, I am very ashamed of you. Don’t you want to ask me why, Roger?
Roger:Why?
Teacher:Because you’re a disgrace to this school ... well? Don’t you want to ask me why?
Roger:Why?
Teacher:Because you were found in the girls’ toilets again, Roger. You’re a pervert, Roger.
Roger:Why?
Teacher
on’t ask me why, Roger! You’re plainly a disgusting beast. Shoving your ... nose ... where it ... well, where it doesn’t belong. Roger:I told you. It was a mistake. It’s only September. I need to get used to the place.
Teacher
on’t be stupid, Roger. You’ve been in this school for five years already, surely you would remember by now that men don’t wear skirts?!Roger:Yes, sir. But sir, I don’t see how that’s got anything to do with it?
Teacher (impatiently, but pretending to try and be patient, drawing out his words) :It’s got to do with it Roger, because the sign on the girl’s toilets is a stickman with a very fat skirt! ... It’s so fat, in fact, that if you narrow your eyes, you can just make out her knickers!
Roger:Sir, isn’t that sexist?
Teacher:Right! That’s it! Bottom up! You’re going to get a smack.
Roger:What for?!
Teacher:For using the S-word.
Roger:But I thought the S-word was ...
Teacher: I don’t care what you thought, now bottom up!
Roger:Sir, surely I need a fair trial.
Teacher(Snatching a cane from the shelf behind him):A fair trial?! A fair trial?! What is this, the International Court for Human Rights? This is school. A place where young twerps are brought up and disciplined to be gentlemen. This ... is education!
Roger:Excuse me, sir.
Teacher:Yes?
Roger:Well, you know how in history class ... we learn about Hitler ... and Germany ... and the second world war?
Teacher:Yes.
Roger:And how Hitler killed so many people?
Teacher (Getting impatient again, feeling the cane in his hand):Yes. Get on with it.
Roger:Well, why didn’t nobody smack his bottom then?
Teacher (rolling his eyes) : Well, it’s not like no one tried ... but nobody was powerful enough to smack Hitler’s bottom.
Roger:Would you have smacked his bottom if he was in your school, sir?
Teacher:Of course! No question about it! First chance I got! Hitler’s bottom wouldn’t stand a chance with my stick!
Roger:What if there was no chance?
Teacher:I’d find a chance. I’d make a chance.
Roger:Well, there is this girl, you see ... she hasn’t killed anyone yet ... but I wouldn’t put it past her ... she’s still young, but you know their type ... the one’s who stare at you with evil eyes ... and, I know this sounds gross, sir, but I think she’s growing a little moustache round about here ...
Teacher (guessing the obvious) :Like Hitler did?
Roger:So you’ve seen it too! Anyway...
Teacher:I hate cutting your thoroughly-researched world war three analysis mighty short, but tell me just this. Has this got anything to do with you in the girls’ toilets?
Roger:It does, sir.
Teacher:Were you spying on this poor girl?
Roger:I was, sir. I wouldn’t call her poor though, she -
Teacher:Roger! Now I know this sounds farfetched and ridiculous (sighs deeply) and Heavens above, I hope I am wrong when I ask this: Were you trying to smack this girl’s bottom?
Roger:I was sir! You said so yourself, if you ever got the chance -
Teacher:That’s it! I’ve had it with you! You’re a miserable little git, who delights in crude and cold fantasies. You’re a psychopath if I ever saw one. You must be dealt with a.s.a.p.!
(The teacher gets ready to smack Roger, when he hears someone screaming outside. He looks out and sees a girl beating the hell out of another girl. One of them - the aggressive one - has hair which is straight and slicked to the sides. She turns to look into the window. She has a faint Hitler’s moustache.)
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I personally can't laugh at it. You?