LovelyTragedy111
New member
that any of you have gone into a bank and then gotten pissed off at a teller because of their bank's policy about whatever (checks, money orders, cashier's checks), I will personally hunt you down and beat you to within an inch of your life.
I really do mean that.
I had to deal with I don't know how many people pissed off that they didn't get a whole whopping $5. Your employer banks with us? That's nice, but totally irrelevant. OBVIOUSLY your boss banks with us if you are cashing a check here. What we care about is whether or not you do. You do? Great! You don't? Here's your paycheck minus five bucks. You don't like it? Take it to Wal-Mart, or better yet....YOUR bank. They won't charge, as you have repeatedly yelled in my line. We aren't your bank, we are your bosses bank. Go cash your check at your bank if you don't want to be charged.
Let's not factor in "senile old bitches" (perfect phrase kich) who get so fucking pissed off because the way I handled your transaction is SO not the way you're used to, even though the way you're used to is OBSOFUCKINGLETE and hasn't been used since the advent of the computer. Hell, let's add in pissed off old bastards too, all of whom expect me, who's never seen them before, know EXACTLY how they want their money dished out and how the OTHER tellers do their transactions. Sorry bitch, but if I was the fucking psychic you thought I was, I wouldn't be here, I'd be winning the California Lottery and gambling at casinos. Do you think all of us tellers tell each other how to handle other customers transactions? Because we don't. Do I look like the last teller who helped you? No? Then don't get pissed because I didn't do it the way they did.
Also, we don't care HOW much money you have in your account or how long you've been banking with us-you could be Metheusalah (or however you spell that dude's name) with a bank account older than dirt with more money than God Himself in it....if it's not the right account TYPE, you will STILL be charged money for your cashier's check of several hundred thousand. I tried to tell you last week to upgrade your account, but hey, I'm just a teller trying to help you earn more money and save you some fees.
Same goes for ID. If you don't have it and you haven't bothered to get to know any of the tellers, SSA's, or bankers....tough shit. You are NOT getting your money. Why should we take the chance that you are not who you say you are when you haven't bothered to let us get to know who you are? You could have several million with us, but if you haven't bothered to get to know us, you won't see a single penny of that without your ID. Not my fucking fault you can't remember your wallet.
Hey guess what....if you overdraw your account and don't have overdraft protection set up....you're going to get dinged. The more you do it, the more we charge you. So fucking what if it makes you even more overdrawn? If it means you pay more attention to your money, which is a good thing, then is it really so bad in the long run? After all, it's not our fault you can't handle your money now is it? Oh and you have several thousand in your savings account. I bet you wish you had listened to us last week when we offered to set you up with a PB to link your accounts for ODP, huh? Hey, we're just tellers trying to save you from some nasty fees, don't mind us.
So tell me buddy.....why should we, the bank, sell change to you when you don't have an account with us? For all we know, you could be trying to give us funny money, and that's a loss for us if that happens, and we're not in a hurry to have that happen. Funny attitude for a bank to have, I know.
I'm sorry you gotta piss dude, but seriously, our branch was not designed with a public bathroom, and there is no law that says we must have one. Here's a secret though....if you're nice to us each time you come in and you ask when we're not busy and you're on a first name basis with a few of us....chances are we'll let you use it. We won't, however, if you're the same rude asshole who gets pissed about the money order fees. We don't write the rules champ, we just follow them.
Look buddy, we appreciate that you've been with us since the 60's, but you've been with us since the 60's and you still haven't made the effort to learn enough English so that you can effectively communicate with you. It's fucking aggravating for me (and I'm sure embarassing for you) to have to repeat simple phrases to you over and over and over again just to let you know that you can't cash that check because you're negative in your account. You're damn lucky we have two employees fluent in Vietnamese, but what are you going to do if they quit or transfer to a different branch on the other side of town? Knowing only the words "cash", "balance", "hundreds", "fifties", "twenties", "checking", and "savings" is not going to help you out in the long run.
Hey asshole, here's an idea...maybe if you would STOP taking all of our blank English counter deposit slips, we wouldn't have to resort to our blank Spanish counter deposit slips....you know, the ones that piss you off because you can't understand them? Even though the format IS IDENTICAL and you only put your name, date, account number, and deposit info on the deposit slip without paying attention to where the info is SUPPOSED to go, you still get pissed off about how you can't fill them out and then go on about how that's why you grab so many English ones. Dipshit, it's because of a thousand dumbasses like you that we run out of so many. Fucking twat. Stop fucking taking them and you won't have to bitch about the Spanish ones that you bother to read. We don't mind if you grab maybe twenty....but don't grab a stack an inch thick. Seriously don't. If we catch you doing that, we will take most of them back.
If you are in the drive through and we ask for your ID, we really mean send us your DL. I mean.... if you're driving, shouldn't you have it on you? You have no idea how tempted we are to call the cops and let them know that you don't have your license in the car. YOU'RE IN THE FUCKING DRIVE THROUGH YOU IGNORANT SHIT! I know, it's totally crazy that we would expect you to have your DRIVER'S LICENSE with you while you're DRIVING. Totally crazy, I know.
Speaking of drive throughs....if you're not a business customer and you drive up in the business customer lane, don't get pissy that we deal with you last and then tell you to never use that specific lane again because you aren't a business customer. That lane is there for a specific group of people, and guess what cupcake? That means that specific group only. Fucking fuckwad.
If I tell you that by switching your checking account to my bank could actually save you money on your car payment, home equity loan, mortgage, or any other type of loan, or even earn you more rewards on your credit card, don't act like I'm lying. We've got signs all over the fucking place about it, why would I lie? We've got fucking COMMERCIALS about it. You've already got your mortgage with us, why not lower your mortgage payment and switch to us? You've already got our rewards card-switching would allow you to earn more rewards. Since you've mentioned how much you have at your other bank, I'll even through this in-if you open one of our two top accounts, you'll get even bigger discounts. You trust us with a lot of your money, we'll reward you by asking you to pay us less. It's not a gimmick, I promise.
It's funny how people never realize how much more helpful branch personnel can be when they are treated nicely. Regardless of how shitty you treat us, we will always be polite and respectful, but we remember the assholes and we'll throw the book at them. But if you come in and get to know us and are polite to us and get to know us....we'll go the distance for you and even bend a couple rules for you. It doesn't matter how much money you have in your account....you could have a second chance account, and if you're polite to us and you get to know us, we'll try a hell of a lot harder for you than we would if you've got a premier platinum account and you couldn't be bothered to learn anyone's name.
Edit: If this is in the wrong forum, sorry. I have a migraine that would knock out a herd of elephants.
I really do mean that.
I had to deal with I don't know how many people pissed off that they didn't get a whole whopping $5. Your employer banks with us? That's nice, but totally irrelevant. OBVIOUSLY your boss banks with us if you are cashing a check here. What we care about is whether or not you do. You do? Great! You don't? Here's your paycheck minus five bucks. You don't like it? Take it to Wal-Mart, or better yet....YOUR bank. They won't charge, as you have repeatedly yelled in my line. We aren't your bank, we are your bosses bank. Go cash your check at your bank if you don't want to be charged.
Let's not factor in "senile old bitches" (perfect phrase kich) who get so fucking pissed off because the way I handled your transaction is SO not the way you're used to, even though the way you're used to is OBSOFUCKINGLETE and hasn't been used since the advent of the computer. Hell, let's add in pissed off old bastards too, all of whom expect me, who's never seen them before, know EXACTLY how they want their money dished out and how the OTHER tellers do their transactions. Sorry bitch, but if I was the fucking psychic you thought I was, I wouldn't be here, I'd be winning the California Lottery and gambling at casinos. Do you think all of us tellers tell each other how to handle other customers transactions? Because we don't. Do I look like the last teller who helped you? No? Then don't get pissed because I didn't do it the way they did.
Also, we don't care HOW much money you have in your account or how long you've been banking with us-you could be Metheusalah (or however you spell that dude's name) with a bank account older than dirt with more money than God Himself in it....if it's not the right account TYPE, you will STILL be charged money for your cashier's check of several hundred thousand. I tried to tell you last week to upgrade your account, but hey, I'm just a teller trying to help you earn more money and save you some fees.
Same goes for ID. If you don't have it and you haven't bothered to get to know any of the tellers, SSA's, or bankers....tough shit. You are NOT getting your money. Why should we take the chance that you are not who you say you are when you haven't bothered to let us get to know who you are? You could have several million with us, but if you haven't bothered to get to know us, you won't see a single penny of that without your ID. Not my fucking fault you can't remember your wallet.
Hey guess what....if you overdraw your account and don't have overdraft protection set up....you're going to get dinged. The more you do it, the more we charge you. So fucking what if it makes you even more overdrawn? If it means you pay more attention to your money, which is a good thing, then is it really so bad in the long run? After all, it's not our fault you can't handle your money now is it? Oh and you have several thousand in your savings account. I bet you wish you had listened to us last week when we offered to set you up with a PB to link your accounts for ODP, huh? Hey, we're just tellers trying to save you from some nasty fees, don't mind us.
So tell me buddy.....why should we, the bank, sell change to you when you don't have an account with us? For all we know, you could be trying to give us funny money, and that's a loss for us if that happens, and we're not in a hurry to have that happen. Funny attitude for a bank to have, I know.
I'm sorry you gotta piss dude, but seriously, our branch was not designed with a public bathroom, and there is no law that says we must have one. Here's a secret though....if you're nice to us each time you come in and you ask when we're not busy and you're on a first name basis with a few of us....chances are we'll let you use it. We won't, however, if you're the same rude asshole who gets pissed about the money order fees. We don't write the rules champ, we just follow them.
Look buddy, we appreciate that you've been with us since the 60's, but you've been with us since the 60's and you still haven't made the effort to learn enough English so that you can effectively communicate with you. It's fucking aggravating for me (and I'm sure embarassing for you) to have to repeat simple phrases to you over and over and over again just to let you know that you can't cash that check because you're negative in your account. You're damn lucky we have two employees fluent in Vietnamese, but what are you going to do if they quit or transfer to a different branch on the other side of town? Knowing only the words "cash", "balance", "hundreds", "fifties", "twenties", "checking", and "savings" is not going to help you out in the long run.
Hey asshole, here's an idea...maybe if you would STOP taking all of our blank English counter deposit slips, we wouldn't have to resort to our blank Spanish counter deposit slips....you know, the ones that piss you off because you can't understand them? Even though the format IS IDENTICAL and you only put your name, date, account number, and deposit info on the deposit slip without paying attention to where the info is SUPPOSED to go, you still get pissed off about how you can't fill them out and then go on about how that's why you grab so many English ones. Dipshit, it's because of a thousand dumbasses like you that we run out of so many. Fucking twat. Stop fucking taking them and you won't have to bitch about the Spanish ones that you bother to read. We don't mind if you grab maybe twenty....but don't grab a stack an inch thick. Seriously don't. If we catch you doing that, we will take most of them back.
If you are in the drive through and we ask for your ID, we really mean send us your DL. I mean.... if you're driving, shouldn't you have it on you? You have no idea how tempted we are to call the cops and let them know that you don't have your license in the car. YOU'RE IN THE FUCKING DRIVE THROUGH YOU IGNORANT SHIT! I know, it's totally crazy that we would expect you to have your DRIVER'S LICENSE with you while you're DRIVING. Totally crazy, I know.
Speaking of drive throughs....if you're not a business customer and you drive up in the business customer lane, don't get pissy that we deal with you last and then tell you to never use that specific lane again because you aren't a business customer. That lane is there for a specific group of people, and guess what cupcake? That means that specific group only. Fucking fuckwad.
If I tell you that by switching your checking account to my bank could actually save you money on your car payment, home equity loan, mortgage, or any other type of loan, or even earn you more rewards on your credit card, don't act like I'm lying. We've got signs all over the fucking place about it, why would I lie? We've got fucking COMMERCIALS about it. You've already got your mortgage with us, why not lower your mortgage payment and switch to us? You've already got our rewards card-switching would allow you to earn more rewards. Since you've mentioned how much you have at your other bank, I'll even through this in-if you open one of our two top accounts, you'll get even bigger discounts. You trust us with a lot of your money, we'll reward you by asking you to pay us less. It's not a gimmick, I promise.
It's funny how people never realize how much more helpful branch personnel can be when they are treated nicely. Regardless of how shitty you treat us, we will always be polite and respectful, but we remember the assholes and we'll throw the book at them. But if you come in and get to know us and are polite to us and get to know us....we'll go the distance for you and even bend a couple rules for you. It doesn't matter how much money you have in your account....you could have a second chance account, and if you're polite to us and you get to know us, we'll try a hell of a lot harder for you than we would if you've got a premier platinum account and you couldn't be bothered to learn anyone's name.
Edit: If this is in the wrong forum, sorry. I have a migraine that would knock out a herd of elephants.
