RockPunkChiq
New member
It can be good criticism or criticism helping me to improve on it. He's gone out of town, and so the poem speaks about how I (the girl) misses him. Please comment?
Lying in bed,
Staring at the ceiling,
A blank look,
A gush of an unpleasant feeling.
Slow breathes,
Almost like a sigh.
A pang of pain,
Allows her to cry.
Closing eyes tight,
Lost in deep thought
Wrists tighten with might.
One hand on the pillow,
The other holds music,
Lyrics make her glow.
A crooked smile appears,
Relating to the song,
She wipes those tears.
The smile goes again,
looking over at the clock,
She meets her friend 3AM.
Silence fills the room now,
Covered in a bundle,
Trying to sleep but she doesn't know how.
Counting a hundred sheep,
A failed attempt,
Her phone just beeped.
A message from him,
Her eyes lit up,
Heart red from dim.
She waits for his arrival,
Not far away it is,
His embrace gives her thrills.
Closing her eyes,
She thinks of them.
Slowly the pain dies.
A room pitch black,
With coloured memories,
She hits the sack.
Peacefully she's alseep,
Until dawn arrived,
She had lifted cheeks.
Lying in bed,
Staring at the ceiling,
A blank look,
A gush of an unpleasant feeling.
Slow breathes,
Almost like a sigh.
A pang of pain,
Allows her to cry.
Closing eyes tight,
Lost in deep thought
Wrists tighten with might.
One hand on the pillow,
The other holds music,
Lyrics make her glow.
A crooked smile appears,
Relating to the song,
She wipes those tears.
The smile goes again,
looking over at the clock,
She meets her friend 3AM.
Silence fills the room now,
Covered in a bundle,
Trying to sleep but she doesn't know how.
Counting a hundred sheep,
A failed attempt,
Her phone just beeped.
A message from him,
Her eyes lit up,
Heart red from dim.
She waits for his arrival,
Not far away it is,
His embrace gives her thrills.
Closing her eyes,
She thinks of them.
Slowly the pain dies.
A room pitch black,
With coloured memories,
She hits the sack.
Peacefully she's alseep,
Until dawn arrived,
She had lifted cheeks.