I wrote a song What do you honestly think of it and how can i improve it?

M

Maria

New member
Okay i wrote a song called Thin air ill admit I'm not the best but i just want to now how i can improve it or if you have any ideas so please help me... and i have to sets of chorus and i don't know which one sound better so tell me what you think.

Thank You

Thin Air

Its funny how you think everything is fine for us
You never did care you where just there
A faded memory all in the
Dark now I don’t know what to think with out you here


Cause when I’m felt lonely you were always there
Like a diamond in the sky you to much to compare
And now I need you but I’ve got so use to
Not having you here it makes no sense to me
All we had before is just thin air

Ooooo la la la la now your thin air
Why weren’t you ever there?
Didn’t you ever care?

You came back saying
After you leave me out in the strange world
All alone for 7 months
I was alone with no one there to hold
And now you think that everything is normal
Just cause your back now

I told you its over if love me please tell me
It’s driving me crazy why did you leave me?
It really hurt me I never felt that way and now you think you
Can come back in my life but not this time!

Cause when I’m feeling lonely
You never were there for me
Every time you said you loved me
Did you mean it? Oh ooo
Cause now what we use to be is just thin air

Thin air Yeah yeah
 
well i love the meaning of the song i mean its really good but to be honest i believe you could make it a little better like mabey the begining of the song could be changed to something like

it was funny how you thought everything was just fine for us
did you ever really care? were you just there to be ther?
now its just a faded memory all in the dark noe
i really dont know what to do without you her




something like that im not to good at this but hopefully that gives you and idea=)

hey if you dont mind do you think you could answer my question? i need help with this poem im writting. thankz
 
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