I would like some feedback on a short paragraph i have written?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Deepy W
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Deepy W

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This is a paragraph I used to evoke images into the readers mind, as its something Im simply experimenting on. The actual storyline, though not important in this context, Is a man asking his son to become a warrior in the times of civil war in japan when samurais existed (1800s). As I said the storyline isnt important, as this piece is only made to evoke images into the readers mind.
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Close your eyes, and imagine yourself in a land of indescribable beauty. The greenest grass, the deepest seas,and the bluest of skies. The presence of the dim scent of wild flowers, and the idle hum of the waterfall. You start to make your way, you walk past the thin curtain of fog that laid ahead of you, and be revealed to another world. Fire. The very same land bubbling with the blood of its fallen warriors. The sky bleeding. The scent of wild flowers replaced by those that of rotting flesh and decay. The hum of the waterfall replaced with screams of agony and faded cries of mercy. This is what has become of japan, my son. And I ask you for only one thing, that you give up and put aside everything, EVERYTHING, including your very life to preserve and protect the beauty that is left of this fallen nation.
 
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