i wish i wasn't so shy...

A

algbas

New member
Okay. So here is my dilemma.

I finished high school a year ago and am studying an art course at college... I am hoping to be an art teacher at the end of all my studies but for the time being I am studying what I love most in the world. You may be wondering what I am complaining about but...

Even though I love my course and truly I do, it's full-time and the stress of trying to get all my art pieces in on time and assignments is making me loose sleep. This may seem like a trivial thing to someone like you the reader but for a student who goes to tafe at 7am in the morning and doesn't get home until 4pm at the earliest this is a big thing.

I try to go to sleep as soon as I get home after I have eaten a snack or something but instead of sleeping I lay down and my thoughts won't calm down enough for me to sleep. I am not going to try sleeping tablets because I have heard of some crazy shit happening when people take them. So that is a definite "No". So please don't try and suggest it because it's not going to happen.

On top of not sleeping well my mum is in Hong Kong at the moment because my Grandfather is getting very old and we don't think he has long left to live. So now I am not only doing a fair share of household duties, including cooking and cleaning, I also have to study my text books at night time so that i don't fail my assignments and so that I don't get too caught up in other trivial things.

My friends are all lovely and support me as much as humanly possible but sometimes I just feel as though I am going down a totally differnt road in life than them. I love them all so much but it's hard to concentrate on what they are saying sometimes because they talk such shit!

It seems to me that all they worry about in life are boys and money. They not too put too fine a point on it, are going nowhere in life. Unfortunately for me I still have to worry about passing everything when all they have to worry about is where they're next boyfriend is coming from.

Let me make this clear. I am not a lesbian and nor shall I ever be, but the thing is there is way more to life than guys and how much money you have in the bank. It's not as if I myself have a lot of money in the bank at all, but I try not to worry about it. I pay a concession rate for my college course and am grateful that I have enough to cover my expenses. I don't know why people are so money minded these days...

I don't live out of home yet as I am still very young and couldn't afford it but all my money gets blown on paint, canvases, brushes and other art supplies. Other than that I am usually quite well fed thanks to my parents but when I am at College i only eat as much as I can afford to.

As it stands I am feeling very run-into-the-ground at the moment. I was going to try to go to sleep today but as soon as the morning sun crept through my curtains I woke up and I couldn't get back to sleep. ARRRRGGGGHHHHH..........

There is also my situation at the moment with this guy I am really into.
He goes to my College and I am always way too shy to talk to him. Just before I finished up the college year last year I made friends with a friend of his in the hopes of a better way of getting more chances to talk to him. So even though I have made friends with this girl it doesn't seem to have helped my confidence much. I have tried opening my mouth and talking when they do but nothing comes out....

I wish I could just get more confidence with him. Anyone else, even people I don't know if they talk to me I am fine I don't even bat an eyelid. With this guy though I get butterflies in my stomach and I can't think at all. It's like someone has stuffed cotton wool inside my skull and thrown away my brain. I know it's only a crush but I can't seem to get over it. He is just so so talented and amazing I am quietly intrigued by his beautiful paintings... He does these huge acrylic portraits of people in this unfinished style that says so much about him and yet so little. *Sigh*

He's such a nice guy it's just a pity I don't have the guts to talk to him very often. I mean I have had fleeting conversations with him about such trivial things as the weather and where the clear glazes are and such things but I have never had a deep and meaningful conversation with him ever.

Please tell me what you guys think I should do!! I am so tired I can't even think properly, I'm not even sure any of this will make any sense tomorrow but there it is.
 
Definitely talk to him.

Also, I take sleeping pills, I'm not suggesting them but I take the tylenol brand non pain killer ones. Why? Non habit forming, only last 4 hours, no weird dreams. I took some to go to sleep when I wasn't even close to tired, and each time I slept only 4 hours. If I take them at night, it helps me get to sleep, but I tend to want more sleep in the mornings, to make up for the lack I've been getting. :) I found that this does help.

You seem like a nice girl, take life a day at a time. Things will work out.
 
You could ask him to collaborate on an art project with you. Might be a good way for the two of you to spend some time together on common ground and it would give you a topic of discussion in an arena (art) that you are confident in. Once you spend some time with him I imagine you would be more comfortable in his presence and you might be able to muster the confidence to ask him out for a slice of pizza (or whatever).

Just a thought.
 
As far s I can see, you are just stressed out. You are losing sleep because you literally have too much on your mind. You have anxiety which causes you to think too much at night. However, I do understand your concerns about sleeping pills. There are non habit forming sleeping meds you can take, but for now, start with a nighttime routine. One that you do every night. Things that are calming to you. start with a little snack...somethign like a little yogurt or some cereal with milk and Cheerios or something that is not too high in sugar. Some carbs is fine cause burning that off actually tires your body out a little. If you like bananas, they are also good at night. Anything with a natural magnesium, melatonin, and or tryptophan will naturally make you tired. Do not have soda cause the sugar will keep you up especially if it's caffeinated. Don't have coffee cause that has caffeine in it. Decaf does not always do the trick ,but if it relaxes you, a little bit is ok. Some hot chocolate can be very relaxing as well. Some hot teas are also rest inducing such as chamomile for example. After your snack, take a warm bath. bubble baths are also nice cause bubbles just have this nice sensation on the body. Try making it scented like lavender and or chamomile to help calm the senses and also help you relax. Use candles for lighting to encourage the restful mood. If it helps, play soft music. Do not choose anything loud or fast. Keep to the soft stuff so your mind can start to focus on fewer things and let yourself just focus on the music and the aroma of the scented bath or candles. Then go lay in bed. If you are feeling relaxed at this point, try to lay down and do some deep breathing exercises. Close your eyes and just imagine something pleasant that you enjoy. Maybe you enjoy fields of flowers in the springtime. Think of a scene with that and clouds and you are just doing something enjoyable. Painting a picture perhaps? Something that during your day you may find enjoyable when you are most like yourself and just content with everything. If this does not relax you, consider immersing yourself in a book. Make it a book that is not thought provoking. Something light, something that is not going to remind you of your troubles that day. A romance novel might not be good because of your crush, so stick to somethign else that does not include romantic stories. Dog stories, or time travel short stories for example might be better to just get your mind in to a better place. Try not to watch TV. The light from the TV can awaken your mind and actually make it race more. If you really want to watch TV, try to do this during your snack and before your bath.

At first, this may not work. but stick to it for a week or so and you may find yourself relaxing automatically as you go through the steps to rest for bed. You may not have as much on your mind. You may have had a super frustrating day and you are still faced with talking to this guy, but at the end of the day, it's all about you and only you....no one else. Tomorrow is a brand new day with a new chance to face your fears and focus on what you need to accomplish...for that day. Don't set your goals too far are you will not see the ending. Goals that are too far to reach are way too hard to accomplish. Set goals you can reach for. Once you start to accomplish those goals, you will feel more confident about yourself and the work you need to finish for your career won't seem so hard and time consuming.

This confidence boost may also help you approach this guy. Start with small steps. Just ask him for the time. Give him a smile. See how he reacts. Ask to see his work or ask him a question about yours. People LOVE to be asked to give their opinion! This breaks the ice. You can see if he's interested in you by how he talks to you or reacts to you as you ask him questions. But, start small and work your way up there. Once the ice is broken, the fear of approaching him will start to fade and you may feel brave enough to actually "talk" to him. Remember, he's no different than anyone else. You are a little star struck by him and have placed him on a pedestal. Remember, he too is not perfect. He too has his odd quirks that just make him human. He too stinks up the bathroom when he poops. He's no different than anyone else. All you have to hope for is his personality fits in with yours. You won't know that until you find out for yourself. So, give it a shot. Take a deep breath and go for it! You may find he's an ass in real like and you will not have lost anything. You may find out he's a really cool guy, and you will have just gained that much more.
 
Thank you everyone so much especially Bitch (doctor Jason's bitch) lol u definitely are not a bitch and that advice is really very helpful. I am now sleeping properly and haven't yet talked to him but I fully intend on doing so tomorrow!!
 
Back
Top