he was abusive of me when I was very small. he and his side of the family have thus totally been removed from my life. I know very much about the family history on my mom's side and I love my family very much, I'm proud of my family history on this side. but even to think of the other side of my family, my dad's side who I never knew makes me feel nauseous
but it occurs to me now that I'm older that it seems strange to think of the other half of ,my ancestry as completely alien to and separate from myself. I know my mom doesn't want to think of me as associated with "them" because of what happened. but I want to know where all of my ancestors were from.
I don't know where to start. I'm over 18. I could meet with my dad I suppose except for the fact that that would be really stupid, I haven't spoken to him since I was 5, and after all that happened, frankly, I don't really want to - the prospect rather scares me, tbh. but I don't know any of my paternal relatives.
and I feel mortified whenever I try to ask my mom anything about that whole situation. but it just feels so weird to me to think of there being an entire other half to my family that I'll never know. and I am wrestling with feelings of being deeply ashamed for wanting to know.
so I really don't know what to do.. any ideas? help? thanks
but it occurs to me now that I'm older that it seems strange to think of the other half of ,my ancestry as completely alien to and separate from myself. I know my mom doesn't want to think of me as associated with "them" because of what happened. but I want to know where all of my ancestors were from.
I don't know where to start. I'm over 18. I could meet with my dad I suppose except for the fact that that would be really stupid, I haven't spoken to him since I was 5, and after all that happened, frankly, I don't really want to - the prospect rather scares me, tbh. but I don't know any of my paternal relatives.
and I feel mortified whenever I try to ask my mom anything about that whole situation. but it just feels so weird to me to think of there being an entire other half to my family that I'll never know. and I am wrestling with feelings of being deeply ashamed for wanting to know.
so I really don't know what to do.. any ideas? help? thanks