I want to die

O

Omar Shamali

New member
I'm not suicidal, but often times I wish I would die. I hurt so badly. There are very few pain free days. Medicine hasn't helped me and now I'm a prisoner in my own body. I sleep most days because I don't hurt when I sleep, but then my family harps on me for not doing anything like clean or mow the lawn. My mom wants to help, but there's just no money for more doctors. I'm tired of being a financial burden. I'm tired of hurting. I'm just tired.
 
I can understand what it's like, Mags. Although my pain isn't constant, when it does come around (during that time of the month) it's pretty bad. I've tried medication for it, pain relievers, birth control, everything.

Keep fighting. Have they figured out anything yet? Last I heard you were upset at a few doctors, if I recall correctly...
 
Most recently migraines, but mainly its the crippling pain in my gut.

Yeah. I was mad at them, but now I've just kind of given up. Nobody in the medical community is willing to help me.
 
Don't give up on that. My stepdad is going through similar trials with the medical field, and we're still waiting on results.

I say keep trying. I know it's hard, but have you looked into getting low cost healthcare or some form of aid?

Some clinics even base their care off of your income, so that may be an option as well.
 
I know the feeling, and know that it isn't your fault. As some unnamed person so eloquently put it, "Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain." Going from here, it isn't your fault that you're depressed. Just know that for every minute of your depression that you've survived, you've survived one more minute of your despair; that every minute you survive will be one more minute you'll look back on when you're happy and well to think, "I survived you."
 
Damn...sorry to hear that mags.

So...no one can figure out what's wrong? And no one wants to bother trying to figure it out? That's fucking pathetic.

Fuuuck...I don't even know what else to say. Sorry.
 
I don't qualify for aid because I still live with my parents and I'm under 25, so I'm on their insurance. (Which sucks miserably.) And I've never heard of clinics based off of your income. I don't think there are any of those in my area.

I've looked into trying to see doctors at the mayo clinic. But since it's about 3 hours away one way and it's incredibly expensive, it's really not an option. Plus, they have at the least a 2 month waiting list. And that doesn't include having any tests run. It's kind of like that at all the specialty clinics I've checked with. The regular clinics have all thrown up their hands and said we can't help you. I think they think I'm a hypocondriac. (sp?)
 
I hate it when people think you're a hypochondriac when you're really truly in pain. I've had that happen to me before as well, and it turned out I had mono followed closely by coxsackie. That was hell and a half.

I can imiagine the pain can hinder you from keeping a steady job. Is this the case? Or have you tried looking for maybe some freelance jobs that you could help with expenses since you feel like you are burdening your parents?

I guess that's yet another thing that I've experienced. Up until I moved, I was somewhat of a financial burden on my parents. Now that I've moved, I am still on their insurance, but that is because it would cost the same per month with or without me on it. I'll continue to stay on their insurance until I get married to 3D. Then I'll switch to the VA as my primary care.

Maybe the reform on healthcare will be a good thing for you - if you can get a public healthcare option, that should really help things and allieviate you from feeling like a financial burden.
 
Yeah, not to make this political, but I don't actually agree with the proposed healthcare reform. I certainly agree that we need a change, but not what's being proposed.

As far as jobs go, I've just been looking and not telling potential employers anything. I've been looking since last year June and I'm still jobless.
 
Do you enjoy writing? There's several freelance jobs that you could find for a little extra cash.

And I wasn't meaning to make it political. I was just saying it could help.

I hope you find something soon, though. Really I do. And I hope that somehow you can get the answers.
 
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