Brokenhearted
New member
Here's the situation:
I told my husband I needed help with some issues and needed to talk to him because I felt depressed. It escalated, as it always does, into a fight where he's yelling and calling me names and I'm crying because he's yelling and calling me names and he's screaming because I'm crying...etc.
Him: "Well, you've just got another problem and I'm sick of listening so I'm out of here" and hangs half in and half out of the door, saying "I'm leaving."
Me: "Where are you going?"
Him: (Makes face): "Why?"
Me: "Never mind." (I wasn't going to push it, seeing as he wasn't going to tell me and didn't want me to know. I only wanted to know because we only have one car (that I paid for, not him) and I had to leave later on in the evening. Every time he leaves it's for hours.
Then, he starts this game:
He hangs out in the door for several moments, saying:
"Do you want me to stay?"
Me: "Well, (his name), I'm not going to keep you here if you don't want to stay. I'm not going to make anyone stay here and do something they didn't want to do."
Him: "NO! Just answer my question! Do you want me to stay?" (Knowing him, if I said "no", he would get even angrier, and if I said "yes," he would say it was just to "trap him there.")
Me: "Do you want to stay?"
Him: "NO! ANSWER ME!"
This goes on for a few more seconds, where I try to tell him that if he wants to stay, stay, but if he wants to go, then go.
Me: "I only want you to stay if you want to stay! I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do! Do you want to stay?"
Him: (Basically he said yes)
Me: "Well, then yes!"
He walks out anyway, comes back upstairs an hour later and wonders why I didn't just say I wanted him to stay.
Me: "(His name), I love you and I didn't want you to think I was telling you to stay just to trap you and make you do something you didn't want to." But that wasn't good enough.
Him: "TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE!" He said ferociously with a crazy look in his eyes. He stormed out of the house in a fit of rage, and is still on a walk somewhere. I have no idea. It's funny because he made me promise never to leave without saying goodbye or 'I love you', but he does it to me almost everyday, calls me names and completely dismisses anything I have to say constantly. Every time I try to talk to him he leaves, so I feel that nothing gets resolved. Every time I have a problem, he just says "(my name) just has another problem again, and you have so many problems that I just can't empathize anymore and I'm not even going to try." Yet, he complains that I never open up to him and tell him what's wrong, but when I do he always says that. I don't know how much more I can take. Obviously, this instance is only a small example- he's called and harassed me at my work, "steals" my car so I can't go anywhere, and threw away my wedding and engagement ring in a fit of rage and blamed me for losing them because I'm the one who took them off. If anyone could help- I am so alone. I'm only 23 and I feel as though this isn't going to work. Any advice?
I told my husband I needed help with some issues and needed to talk to him because I felt depressed. It escalated, as it always does, into a fight where he's yelling and calling me names and I'm crying because he's yelling and calling me names and he's screaming because I'm crying...etc.
Him: "Well, you've just got another problem and I'm sick of listening so I'm out of here" and hangs half in and half out of the door, saying "I'm leaving."
Me: "Where are you going?"
Him: (Makes face): "Why?"
Me: "Never mind." (I wasn't going to push it, seeing as he wasn't going to tell me and didn't want me to know. I only wanted to know because we only have one car (that I paid for, not him) and I had to leave later on in the evening. Every time he leaves it's for hours.
Then, he starts this game:
He hangs out in the door for several moments, saying:
"Do you want me to stay?"
Me: "Well, (his name), I'm not going to keep you here if you don't want to stay. I'm not going to make anyone stay here and do something they didn't want to do."
Him: "NO! Just answer my question! Do you want me to stay?" (Knowing him, if I said "no", he would get even angrier, and if I said "yes," he would say it was just to "trap him there.")
Me: "Do you want to stay?"
Him: "NO! ANSWER ME!"
This goes on for a few more seconds, where I try to tell him that if he wants to stay, stay, but if he wants to go, then go.
Me: "I only want you to stay if you want to stay! I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do! Do you want to stay?"
Him: (Basically he said yes)
Me: "Well, then yes!"
He walks out anyway, comes back upstairs an hour later and wonders why I didn't just say I wanted him to stay.
Me: "(His name), I love you and I didn't want you to think I was telling you to stay just to trap you and make you do something you didn't want to." But that wasn't good enough.
Him: "TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE!" He said ferociously with a crazy look in his eyes. He stormed out of the house in a fit of rage, and is still on a walk somewhere. I have no idea. It's funny because he made me promise never to leave without saying goodbye or 'I love you', but he does it to me almost everyday, calls me names and completely dismisses anything I have to say constantly. Every time I try to talk to him he leaves, so I feel that nothing gets resolved. Every time I have a problem, he just says "(my name) just has another problem again, and you have so many problems that I just can't empathize anymore and I'm not even going to try." Yet, he complains that I never open up to him and tell him what's wrong, but when I do he always says that. I don't know how much more I can take. Obviously, this instance is only a small example- he's called and harassed me at my work, "steals" my car so I can't go anywhere, and threw away my wedding and engagement ring in a fit of rage and blamed me for losing them because I'm the one who took them off. If anyone could help- I am so alone. I'm only 23 and I feel as though this isn't going to work. Any advice?