I think I made colossal mistake. Upset and advice?

Hi Musicman

So all in all... it is a lengthy process and it will get better as time goes on.​

Boy, truer worRAB were never written. I love what Deerrod wrote also about recovering to this day with 15 years clean time. Oh, I so agree with that! Recovery is an ongoing process for the rest of our lives because recovery makes us open to always learning and growing in so many ways.

Stay strong and be true, Buddy. Deerrod, nice to meet you.

Always
reach
 
Thank you Reach. You are always a beacon of light for everyone on this board. Today I will be starting day 9 around 5pm. I feel no energy today and slightly fluish, but not withdrawalish if that makes any sense!! Everyday has been a bit better. I did not sleep well last night and I am so against benzos so I used Arabien, which I have taken short term over the years. It did not work at all and made me feel gross. It worked very well at the hospital detox. I made sure I even got name brand because I found that the generic never worked for me. Nonetheless, it did not work last night so I got fragmented sleep with that toxic feeling that it can give. Luckily I didn't send out any errant emails, or have a conversation with Beyonce through the TV like I did at detox!

So anyway I will just tough it out tonight but overall, I do feel better. Now I HAVE to start eating. My appetite has been nil and I have lost 26 pounRAB since July.
 
reach...
Nice to meet you too! Although I am a new meraber, I hope to be able to continue on a forum where I can read inspirational posts and be there for those who are in need of a friend.

Deerod
 
Hi everyone. Thanks are going along ok. The part I have to work on now is picking up the pieces of the mess. I am realizing that lying in bed on my laptop is not working. I am not having any cravings but my anxiety level is getting pretty bad because I have time to think.

There are 2 things that worry me the most. The first is the cigarettes. I still have not quit, but I am going to try again tommorow. The patches are right here. I do not know why I am smoking. It gives me horrendous anxiety and an overall sense of disgusting health, but yet, I still do it. Enough is enough. I will try tommorow.

I have also been taking Ritalin off and on for a couple of years. Never addicted by any means. I thought that it may help with the lethargy and get me going, but instead, it is giving me.. guess..!!! ANXIETY! So I did not get my refill and will no longer take that. I have never had problems not taking it and I am realizing that the cons are outweighing the pros to this med. Of course I have it in my mind now that I have fried my brain with it and I will permanently be anxiety riddled. (Silly of course). So bye bye ritalin.

So by eliminating those two things I am forced to build my physical and mental health up naturally. I have lost so much weight since I started smoking and my appetite has gone to hell, I get terrible...guess!!! ANXIETY!! from thinking of the deprivation of nutrients due to my bad habits!

So as you can see, I am a worrier and I dwell on these things. I do know deep down that with effort that these things will disappear and my brain will start to heal itself and I am not brain damaged from the medicine! The hardest part of this is motivating myself and starting to exercise all over again. It has been a good 9 years since I have been in a gym and I am overwhelmed. I also must get nutrients in my body. The smoking has curbed that.

So in summary, the hard work begins tommorow. I have to relearn to do all the healthy stuff and force myself to change my habits. I know its gonna take time for my brain and psyche to heal, but I hope that all the drugs I have used have not left my brain in this anxiety riddled state and with time, it will dissipate.

Thank you all for your support!
 
Dear Musicman3,

You may want to know that meditation can help with anxiety as well as calm the mind that is always seeking something outside itself for happiness and pleasure. Properly done meditation is profoundly relaxing while also allows the mind to enjoy its capacity for stability, vividness and most importantly, JOY.

Mingyur Rinpoche, who as a boy suffered from severe anxiety, has written a wonderful book you might like titled "Joyful Wisdom." He writes about his meditation practice, how he overcame anxiety and other wonderful things about..joy filled wisdom. You'll find lots of good stuff in it.

I hope this helps. Reading is at least an alternative to sitting in bed with your laptop surfing the web!

Do you ever get out in nature?
 
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