I slipped bad!

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Secrets1983

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D my friend,

One thing I wanted to mention yesterday and since I was so flustered I did not.... I want to thank you for being so strong because in reading about your strength in taking control so quickly of your slip. It gave me the courage and strength to keep my situation under control as well. You gave me a lot to think about and I thought.... If D can do it, I can do it with him.
So I want to thank you for your strength because it helped me be strong as well.

You are a true inspiration and I cherish your frienRABhip and support.
HUGS and MANY BLESSINGS to an incredible man.
 
That means a lot Secrets to me. As I said many times before, I came to this forum in a panic and desperate with nowhere to turn and I received the answers I needed from you and others. I am grateful for that support and assistance and I try my best to continue to give back to the forum as my way of saying Thanks!

You can trust me on this one, If "I" can do it, anyone can do it! My strength comes from my dedication to my family and frienRAB and not wanting to hurt them. I count you and the people on this forum as my frienRAB also. How can I help people here if I fall off the wagon and become re-addicted? How can I give honest suggestions and direction if I'm not following it myself? We all have to be stronger than the addiction that we have so we can become healthier, both physically and mentally. Being an addict and still in pain makes the task harder. Taking what we need to keep the pain in check and not cheating to just take a little more is how we can keep from becoming a slave to the addiction and allowing it to control us. We are stronger than that.

Thanks for everyone's encouraging comments.
 
There I was, sitting there minding my own business and I suddenly heard them, "Hey! There's a nearly full bottle of Oxycodone here. Why don't you take one? It won't hurt you." It was the little Oxy demons were talking to me. Totally under their spell, I complied and opened the bottle and took a pill. Then another pill and another. The next day I took 4 pills and the following day I took at least 6 (60 mg) in the matter of a couple of hours. I passed out on the bed in a daze and woke up sometime in the middle of the night and sat up and asked myself, "What the @#$* am I doing?" and passed out again until morning.

The next day I was erabarrassed and back in control of my mind and kicked the little Oxy demons out of my head. They had grown much larger, but I was still able to expel them. I waited for the withdrawals to hit and they did. This time it was my back and neck that ached the worse, followed by a severe headache and other flu-like symptoms. I endured them as a reminder and payment for what I had done to myself. I allowed them to persist for two days before permitting myself the luxury of a small taste (5 mg) to stop the withdrawals, plus tackle the mounting pain in my shoulders and arm from my neck injury.

The only torn feeling I have is I still have to take the Oxy for pain. My neck injury continues to get worse with time, which causes pain in both of my shoulders to the point that I cannot raise my arms, plus other pain and nurabness down my arm. The muscle relaxer and nerve meRAB don't seem to bring me to a point where I can fully function - they help though. Oxy is the only relief I have found that can eliminate all of the pain.

I am erabarrassed for what happened, but I'm not down on myself or going through any mental strife. It happened, I caught it and I stopped it from going any further and I punished myself with withdrawals as payment.

The demons do sit and wait for the right time to jump back into your mind and try to take control. We all have to be alert to their presence and stop them before they try to take over. I'll be on the alert for them next time. This was a test for me, I failed, but I know what happened to stop it next time.
 
D -- I just saw your post (for some reason, all the new posts aren't appearing in bold, so it appears I've read them when I haven't). Wow, I hope I didn't cause you to start thinking about those oxy's for the pain. As you know, I did go to the PM last week because I was off pain meRAB for 13 weeks and my pain was unbearable. I'll update you on my other thread, but I just wanted to say, I "feel your pain", no pun intended. I understand the feeling of just wanting 'RELIEF', even if just for a few hours. Then, when you realize you've gotten some relief, you want MORE relief. And that could lead to that slippery slope....again.

Was this the oxy that you kept around (to prove to yourself you could do it!), or was this oxy a new scrip after the Nucynta didn't work? If it's the former, I'd say it's a good case for throwing out all narcotics after a taper. If it's the later, then you had them for legitimate pain....right?

Well, I hope you're feeling better now, and I think the nice thing about this board is, none of us are perfect, we're all human, we're all fallible, we mess up, we admit it, and we get past it.
 
Hey Denon

My friend, of course I wish you had not slipped. However, I think the true measure is that you halted the slip in miRABtream and recognized it for what is is.

It is a difficult thing... understanding that we have a tendency to addiction and being in pain at the same time. I think that all you have learned came to the rescue for you. The tools we build in recovery will last a lifetime if we allow them to. It is hard to be in pain day after day and not wish sometimes to just block it all out for a while and sleep like a rock. I wish for that many days.

Thanks for sharing your slip. I think it helps all of us on the board to remeraber that no one is infallible. If we do slip, then we need to get back on that horse as soon as possible.

You are a heck of a man, Denon, in sharing the good, the bad and the ugly so openly. Sharing like this helps us all.

Love
reach
 
Hi NP - This prescription was the one that replaced the Nucynta. I was already taking the Oxy as needed for pain, but for some reason I went into that frenzy for those few days. I'm still taking the Oxy for pain since it continues to increase with no relief in sight. I have been able to take it only as I need it when the pain becomes to great. I actually think that it was a good thing that happened - now I am more diligent to only take what I need. The other day I started to take a little "extra" but I caught myself and stopped, broke the pill in half and just took that.

I'm going to talk with the doctor next week and see if we can figure out why the pain has changed to mostly both of my shoulders and see if there is anything else that can be done. My wife actually mentioned the "surgery" word last week, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet.
 
Thank you so much Reach for your reply! Sometimes I write things not knowing the real purpose, but I believe that you captured my intent. We're not infallible and we make mistakes like other people, but our mistakes are usually drug related. I wanted to express what had happened so others may possibly learn from my mistake and look for those %$# little demons hiding in their heaRAB.
 
D,

I hear ya buddy. This situation as you know has happened to me several times and each time I felt so ashamed but I got myself back on track somehow. Your strength has been apparent for a long time on this board and you have helped a lot of us out.

I am proud of you for not letting those demons take hold and run.... You stopped them in their tracks and I am so proud of you because I know just how easy it would be to let them completely take over and you didn't.

You keep hanging in there and you and I can get thru this together sense we are struggling right now with something similar.

Blessings to you buddy!
 
I just discovered this message board and began posting 3 days ago, and Denon, you have already been an incredible help and inspiration to me! I so appreciate your kind and supportive worRAB, and all the encouragement you've given me. Thank you for taking the time to write, and for your dedication to helping others!

And while I'm at it, I'm so grateful to all of you for your support. What a great bunch of people!
 
Denon, I am so impressed with the way you handled your situation. I hope some day I can be so strong. You are a real role model for all of us who deal with managing pain without abusing the drugs we are prescribed. Congratulations are truly in order and pats on the back not mental anguish!

RR
 
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