I am writing a poem for my girlfriend and I was curious if anyone had any suggestions? I'm fresh out of high school so I definitely have some rhyme scheme problems. I'm not trying to make it perfect just something from the heart. I know you don't know her but it would help for any suggestions...It's not yet finished. I'm stumped... Would like you opinions of it so far also. Please be honest. Thank you.
Each moment with you is as perfect as the ocean is blue,
As the clock ticks, my heart pounds,
As the winds blow, stronger my feelings grow.
Your presence is like a ray of sunlight,
It warms my heart and the people's around,
I'm the luckiest guy if you’re what I've found.
Your eyes glisten like the sunlight off the silky snow,
You’re smile is bright, even in the darkness of a silhouette,
Your beauty is as an afternoon rainbow.
I'll never forget the times we've shared,
On the blanket under the night sky, in my room with the blinking light,
Talking and sharing, listening and caring.
This is the last stanza to it so it is now complete. Please continue giving me your thoughts about it and give me your honest opinions. Good or bad. Thank you.
I hope together our time will be long,
Though we’ll be far I know we’ll be strong,
It won’t be easy, but with you I know I can hold on.
Each moment with you is as perfect as the ocean is blue,
As the clock ticks, my heart pounds,
As the winds blow, stronger my feelings grow.
Your presence is like a ray of sunlight,
It warms my heart and the people's around,
I'm the luckiest guy if you’re what I've found.
Your eyes glisten like the sunlight off the silky snow,
You’re smile is bright, even in the darkness of a silhouette,
Your beauty is as an afternoon rainbow.
I'll never forget the times we've shared,
On the blanket under the night sky, in my room with the blinking light,
Talking and sharing, listening and caring.
This is the last stanza to it so it is now complete. Please continue giving me your thoughts about it and give me your honest opinions. Good or bad. Thank you.
I hope together our time will be long,
Though we’ll be far I know we’ll be strong,
It won’t be easy, but with you I know I can hold on.