Recently I had an emotional breakdown after a relative of mine from a family function called me "dumb" and "useless." Let me explain, I come from a very cultural Asian family. My father expects me to marry a man (I'm a lesbian) and graduate with a degree that will guarantee me a job. Since I live with him and he pays for my tuition, he's always around asking me what I will do after I graduate. I've already tried appeasing him by majoring in mathematics while combining it with my original major, Feminist Studies. I feel so stressed out now. On top of that, he asked me to get a job which is what I did. I'm not asking for sympathy I know that it is the reality of many students to get a job to support their education and living expenses. I know that my dad talks very bad about me behind my back to my family. He says that I am useless. My relatives think the same way too. I'm 22 yet I feel like I'm 40 and having a mid-life crisis. They constantly compare me to someone else, sometimes their daughters, sons, nieces and nephews who are in high school or college (better ones - Stanford, Berkeley or UCLA). They look at me like as if I'm a disgrace. My dad sees me as a financial burden. He is dissapointed that I probably won't be getting a high paying job soon to help him with the house mortgage.
I want to move out. I really do. I hate the feeling that I get when I'm around my family. I'm not a successful type and will never be. I've recently thought about committing suicide because I hate myself so much. I don't know if that feeling will go away anytime soon. I've always thought of myself as useless.
I want to move out. I really do. I hate the feeling that I get when I'm around my family. I'm not a successful type and will never be. I've recently thought about committing suicide because I hate myself so much. I don't know if that feeling will go away anytime soon. I've always thought of myself as useless.