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i need jokes to put in my joke book?
- Thread starter Hall606
- Start date
Once upon a time there were two muffins in the oven together. The first said, "Man, it's hot in here!" The second said, "Look, a talking muffin!"
How do you get a hankerchief to dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Little Boy: Daddy, is God a boy or a girl?
Dad: He is both son.
Little Boy: Daddy, is God black or white?
Dad: God is both son.
Little Boy: Daddy, is God Michael Jackson?
How do you get a hankerchief to dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Little Boy: Daddy, is God a boy or a girl?
Dad: He is both son.
Little Boy: Daddy, is God black or white?
Dad: God is both son.
Little Boy: Daddy, is God Michael Jackson?
J
Jordanniieee
Guest
Well.. are your Joke's okay to be dirty
if they are.
I have one.
A Woman was taking a shower while her husband was asleep
and the next door neighbour knocks.
She Quickly get's out and put's a towel round her and answers the door
'' I'll give you £800 to take off the towel'' The Next door neighbour says
' She takes the money and drops her towel'
''Thanks!'' said the next door neighbour.
' She put's the towel back on and walks back to the shower '
Her Husband wakes up
''Who was that at the door honey'' he asks.
'' The Next door neighbour'' she replies
'' Great!, did he give you the £800 he owes me?'' He said
_______
A man see's a ladder.
He climbs up it until he see's a Ugly naked woman
Have me or Climb up the ladder to success
' So he climbs up the ladder until he see's another woman who was about average and was again, naked '
Have me or Climb the ladder to success
' So he climbs the ladder a bit further to a fit girl '
Have me or climb the ladder to success
' So he Climbs up the ladder even higher until he gets to a TOTALLY FIT OMG SUPERMODEL'
' Have me or Climb the ladder to success '
So he climbs up the ladder and reaches the top to see.
A dirty old man who looked like he hadn't washed since he was 25.
''Hi'' he says, i'm Cess.
( Success - SUCK CESS )
if they are.
I have one.
A Woman was taking a shower while her husband was asleep
and the next door neighbour knocks.
She Quickly get's out and put's a towel round her and answers the door
'' I'll give you £800 to take off the towel'' The Next door neighbour says
' She takes the money and drops her towel'
''Thanks!'' said the next door neighbour.
' She put's the towel back on and walks back to the shower '
Her Husband wakes up
''Who was that at the door honey'' he asks.
'' The Next door neighbour'' she replies
'' Great!, did he give you the £800 he owes me?'' He said
_______
A man see's a ladder.
He climbs up it until he see's a Ugly naked woman
Have me or Climb up the ladder to success
' So he climbs up the ladder until he see's another woman who was about average and was again, naked '
Have me or Climb the ladder to success
' So he climbs the ladder a bit further to a fit girl '
Have me or climb the ladder to success
' So he Climbs up the ladder even higher until he gets to a TOTALLY FIT OMG SUPERMODEL'
' Have me or Climb the ladder to success '
So he climbs up the ladder and reaches the top to see.
A dirty old man who looked like he hadn't washed since he was 25.
''Hi'' he says, i'm Cess.
( Success - SUCK CESS )
S
Syd M
Guest
why did the chicken cross the play ground?
to get to the other slide!
to get to the other slide!
googleyeye pokemon player
New member
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
...........................................................................................................
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.
The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and
clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
.........................................................................................................................................
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
....................................................................................................
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
..................................................................................................................................
A smart blonde and a dumb blonde both jump off a cliff at the same time. Who lands first?
The dumb blonde because smart blondes don't exist.
.................................................................................................................
A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.
She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that.
The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail".
............................................................................................................
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
...........................................................................................................
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.
The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and
clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
.........................................................................................................................................
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
....................................................................................................
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
..................................................................................................................................
A smart blonde and a dumb blonde both jump off a cliff at the same time. Who lands first?
The dumb blonde because smart blondes don't exist.
.................................................................................................................
A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.
She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that.
The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail".
............................................................................................................
Q.Why did the belt get caught up?
A. He held up a pair of pants.
ANOTHER ONE...
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, "Save the women!"
George W. Bush hysterically hollers, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton's asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"
ANOTHER ONE....
Your momma so poor when robbers rob her house, they leave her money.
A. He held up a pair of pants.
ANOTHER ONE...
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, "Save the women!"
George W. Bush hysterically hollers, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton's asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"
ANOTHER ONE....
Your momma so poor when robbers rob her house, they leave her money.
dawn-chorus
New member
Q: What do you call a camel with three humps?
A: Humphrey
A: Humphrey