Basically, here's the deal. I have been depressed for 8 years. I am only 17. I moved to this what I believed to be shitty little town as I was a bratty adjustment disordered child, my moving to this area brought about these horrid changes in my psychology along with the torment I went through from my peers all throughout elementary and middle school. Seeing as I didn't like this place so much, I created a lie to live by. I altered where I was from, who I really was, and what I was about in attempt to scare and intimidate those who felt in control of me. I lived that lie up until recently, when I practically had my beliefs and thoughts reprogrammed by a psychopath of a teacher that I looked towards as a mentor and father figure; who then went on to sexually abuse me. That was months ago. I am now suffering in the reigns of what seems to be an irreversible Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. My general feelings are hopelessness, discontent, and anxiety. I used to enjoy smoking Marijuana, but recently began having panic attacks in which I had delusional bouts of my existence; honestly feeling as if I am facing the end of my wits in the midst of it. I will convince myself that I am having symptoms corresponding that of the most terminal illnesses, Brain tumors, CAD, etc. However know it in my heart to be untrue.
This is where my true question starts, now that you understand what I am experiencing.
I've been reading about psychosomatic(voodoo) death. The perpetrator of my abuse was a genius, a power freak. Is there any possibility that the way he worked my beliefs was a skill-full attempt to pin my beliefs against me thus causing me to convince myself into death?
If so.
What should I do..
To the person who said "Over-active imagination", I have an IQ of 174. These phenomena make sense. Hopelessness and a lack of purpose, general unhappiness with whatever choice is made isn't exactly an imagined feeling. I've never truly had 'real' confidence or a genuine self image. Always been a mask up until now, and I just don't know where to start. I think I'm dying.
This is where my true question starts, now that you understand what I am experiencing.
I've been reading about psychosomatic(voodoo) death. The perpetrator of my abuse was a genius, a power freak. Is there any possibility that the way he worked my beliefs was a skill-full attempt to pin my beliefs against me thus causing me to convince myself into death?
If so.
What should I do..
To the person who said "Over-active imagination", I have an IQ of 174. These phenomena make sense. Hopelessness and a lack of purpose, general unhappiness with whatever choice is made isn't exactly an imagined feeling. I've never truly had 'real' confidence or a genuine self image. Always been a mask up until now, and I just don't know where to start. I think I'm dying.