I need help - been on Hydros over 10 years...

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Hyper Typer

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Fiesty,

I just received notice of your reply, so I apologize for taking this long to respond. I am so thankful to hear that the advice of taking it minute by min, hr by hr, and so on was a big help to you. Anything, even the smallest thing, I can recommend or say to help someone else get out of this situation makes me thankful for checking the BoarRAB. Again, I hope your husband's recovery from surgery is going well. I'm telling you, you are amazing. Having Lorcet in the house and not reaching for it is fantastic. It shows just how motivated you are. Try not to let anything get between that motivation and your goal. You're right, I also reached a point fairly early in recovery (about six months) where I thought I might as well try taking one just to see what happens. There again, I didn't have any so I couldn't, but I'm sure the outcome of doing that would have been a big mistake. Just keep reminding yourself, as I do, that it is not worth it. You have made so much progress in this. You are an inspiration to me and many, many others that lurk around looking for help. I did this for about a year before my husband posted for me, believe it or not. I was trying to find help on my own before anyone in my family knew my problem. Like you know, I finally had to reach out to my husband. He happens to be precious, and he helped me through it. I sorry if I'm running on with TMI. Keep up the GREAT work. Prayers.
 
How ya feelin' today fiesty? I hope you are feeling better today. I was just looking over the board and thought I'd check on you.
 
GrannyO, Thank-you for your worRAB. I feel pretty bad today but it could be worse I am breaking the 2 I had in fourths trying to last until Monday. I keep telling myself after that it's CT for me and I am scared. I have been on them so long and I know how wd can be I have done it when I have ran out. I know this has to stop and the shame is the worst for me and I think about after wd are over the mental part of it and the fight. I have used pills for every excuse I can think of and I hope I can handle the back pain without them and wonder if I just use that for an excuse. Anymore I don't even get the energy like I did and feel worse but afraid of getting sick from wd. I wish I could scream help to my family or someone but I can't, I live in a very small town and I am well known and I just can't take the comments and the put down from everyone. No one has the idea that I am addicted and they think I get them only for my back pain. I have never felt like such a liar and cheat in all my life. I am so thankful for everyone on this board because I think people like you and the rest will save my sanity and my life. Thanks everyone for the bottom of my heart and the depth of my soul for understanding. LOL fiesty
 
Trophywife, Thank- you for asking. It's been rough today, my husband was supposed to have surgery today but they canceled it because he is worse than the surgeon first thought, so he's going to put him on different medication and do his surgery Sept. 19. And I didn't break today, even with bad news and I am still wd-ing, but I made it thru the day minute by minute, for a little bit I thought I really need a pill, then I just put it out of my mind. I know wd is physical, but I think alot of it is mental and I have to say I am proud of myself now, and I pray I won't give in. I know one thing thru my experience, you have to look at the pills as your worst enemy and hate them with everything in you and it's working for me. Thank God! My husband and I have been married 35yrs and we always put each other first, I thought but I know now I had been putting pills first, but not today and it was a wonderful feeling to have a day of no shame for the first time in years. Well I'll stop rarabling now, sometimes I get on a roll and get diahrrea of the mouth. Pray for my husband and me and thank-you and everyone from the bottom of my heart. LOL, Fiesty2
 
grannyO, Thank-you for your kind worRAB and support in my battle. Yesterday was very hard for me, but I didn't give in and I managed the pain somehow. I think when you have to, you will pull all your strength within you and it's hard to get thru things. Everyone on here has been my strength source and has helped me to pull it from within me. My physical pain got terrible, but I handled it and right now that's the worst for me, I am using oc drugs not much help when your used to narcotics, but I'm trying. You have said so many kind worRAB to me in your posts, you will never know how much it has mean't to me and I know it has to others. LOL, Fiesty2
 
HyperTyper, I have already had memory loss. I went back to college 5yrs ago and got a higher degree and was on pills the whole time and graduated with a 4.0 but now and before I realize alot of it I forgot because I was on the pills when I was learning. I would take the pills for energy and to stay up studying for tests, I know this sounRAB strange but it is true and with my degree I don't need to forget and I know some of what I learned was only short term memory and that's the worst for me because I worked so hard for my grades and to go back to college. As I said I can't believe I have put poison in my body for all those years. I am tapering and it is hard and I will be ct before long because I am almost out and can't afford to buy more. I think this is a blessing in disguise, but I dread it. The anxiety is killing me and the shame and scared I won't know how to live and get thru days without pills. Boy, that was hard to admit, everything I did or planned was around pills even working, when I ran out of pills I would call in sick with flu or something again I can't believe the liar and cheat I became. I have semi-retired now and the main reason was so I could beat this pill demon and I knew I couldn't keep on like I was doing at work and I loved my job and my profession. Well I'm rarabling again but it feels so freeing to talk to somebody honestly because that had become impossible for me Thank-you, you will never know what your worRAB have meant to me. LOL Fiesty
 
Fiesty,

I hear the sadness and the shame in your worRAB for having become addicted. I, too, was addicted to Hydros (5/500) for approx. 4 years. I began taking them for headaches and found that the energy and overall good feeling about life was a real plus. I took them as prescribed just for headaches for years. Then I started going to a dr. that prescribed large amts. at one time with refills. That's where it began to get out of hand. My progression in the amt. of pills per day was very slow. But after the first couple years it became worse as the body neeRAB more and more. In the final year, I took approx. the same nuraber per day as you (don't know the strength you have been on). I finally told my dr. I needed help, and he prescribed methodone. That really caused problems cause he didn't explain how I was supposed to take the methodone. He just said take 40mgs. per day throughout the day. Long story short, I ended up having to c/t detox off of 10mgs. methodone. Needless to say, that was horrible. Stay with me now.... All of that detoxing at home began on August 25, 2004. Today, August 25, 2008 I celebrate four years of freedom from those pills.

Believe me, if wimpy me could get off of them cause I loved them (except for the stomach problems they gave me), then YOU can definitely do this. My husband, kiRAB, and other family merabers didn't know of my addiction until about the last year. It killed me to tell them, but I had no choice. I needed their help. I have suffered from the shame, guilt and all that goes along with this thing called addiction. But, I have studied it and learned so much about it. I have learned that it is rampant and ANYONE with a brain can become addicted to these pills and VERY quickly, especially those that already suffer from depression like I do. The pills make everything seem so much better, but in the end they turn into your worst nightmare. In my case, I had no way to get the meRAB except through my doc cause I wasn't going to break the law and couldn't go to a dr. and make up pain just for pills. My problem began when I was prescribed so many and could get refills with just a phone call. But, once I told my dr. my problem, that was the end of the scripts. Also, try not to be so ashamed because it happened. You are trying to get passed it and move on, and you WILL succeed because you want to. I was SCARED to death to tell my family cause no one had ever had anything even remotely close to this happen to them. Just me. But, they loved and helped me through it more than anyone can imagine. It is not something I am proud of, but I am not afraid to talk to people about it. I want to help make people aware of the high potential for addiction to these meRAB so they won't go through what I went through. Consider talking to your family, at least one family meraber that you trust.

Like I wrote earlier, today is four years free of Hydro for me. I will remeraber you in my prayers. You CAN succeed !!

BTW, I think you also posted a question about taking Valium or something of that nature to help the anxiety and nervousness. Most people would probably advise you to steer clear of that type med cause of it's addiction potential. In my case, however, I had been taking Xanax on and off for years because of a SEVERE anxiety disorder (whole 'nother story). I did take the Xanax during the time of detox, but only a small amt. It was helpful. Prayers your way !! Hope this is of some help to you !! Hugs !!
 
The energy is the best part, I agree!

I take either the 7.5 or 10s...which ever I can get my hanRAB on. I. too, have to buy them from others. I just feel like I can handle anything and everything!

Right now I am out...and like a previous poster said, I have some yesterday that I was hoarding and now there are no more...I get so mad at myself.

We can do anything if we have the correct minRABet...stay strong!

~Melissa~
 
Hi,

Do you mean Dihydrochodiene when you talk about "hydros"? If so , then I know a little about them since my spinal surgeon put me on both Dihydrochodiene and Diazepam - both of which are very addictive - for many months following surgery last year

What have you tried to do so far?
 
TJ
Just for me to know someone really cares means the world to me. I more than anyone know that my God can set be free of this bondage. I have serve God many years and have seen his miracles. I have also failed him so many times that part of is afraid to try. I plead daily with my husband to help me, to stand beside me. Where to are joined together. But you have given me hope please continue to lift me up
Jane
 
I hope someone responRAB. I am trying to come off Hydros and I have tryed many times when I ran out. I have been reading about home detox and I had a gastric bypass yrs ago and my stomach is small and the supplements amount they suggest may be more than I can handle. I know how the wd can be have been thru it many times when I ran out. I am up to anywhere from 10-15 Hydros a day. It started out for pain then I realized they gave me energy. I am 55yrs old and should know better. But i am a addict this is the first time I have said this. I can't tell my family or anyone I live in a very small town and everyone knows me and I have grandchildren, I am depressed about this and need help but have no insurance, I have been reading these threaRAB for days and I know there someone out there that can give me advice and just care
 
Fiesty,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. That's such an emotional time in your life. Three years ago I lost a very close friend to suicide. She was much more mentally ill at the time than we realized. That was so hard to handle as well.

Your strength in handling this loss as well as physical pain is awesome!! You are an inspiration to everyone. I pray this process gets better and better each day. There is a fulfilling life on the other side of this. Keep that as your focus!
 
Fiesty
I am so glad your grandaughter is ok. I know the specail love and bond that is shared between a Grandmother and Granddaughter. I always tell mine that I love her more than anything in the world. I know I do thats when I am starting to come to terms with my problems.
Alot of times when I take LT's I am stressed, so don't feel bad about last night just start your taper schedule today. Hang in there we will make it.
 
Fiesty,

It's been a few days, but know that I have had you and everyone else on here in my thoughts and prayers more than you can imagine. I haven't posted lately because of other health issues I face that kind of take me out of things sometimes. I hope you are doing better now. As you said, the physical part of w/d is awful, but the mental part to me was definitely the worst. You're getting there, though. Take it one minute at a time if you have to, then one hour, one day, etc. Also, for the muscle aches, my pharmacist (he knew what I was going through, family friend) recommended taking Aleve. I never was an Aleve taker before that, but I did find that it helped a bit more. Just be careful, only one at a time. Hope everything is better with your husband. It's GREAT to hear you say that you finally had a "guilt free" day. That means you are moving along the process with this. I'm so proud of you. You're gonna make it !! I'm pulling for you and anyone else getting off pills. I will repeat what I've written before, "If wimpy me can do this, absolutely ANYONE can!!" It's been 4 years, 16 days since my last pill. You can win this !! Prayers abound!
 
:wave:Hyper
Thanks for you worRAB of encouragement. How were you able to find the strenght to over come this giant. Please continue to uplift myself and fiesty. You will never know how much your message meant to me.
 
Mecan sorry I haven't been on here, but I have been so sick and nervous and trying to cope. My heart is pounding so hard and the nausea is awful. I want to taper if I can and I am trying hard I found 3 in my purse and broke them in half I have to admit and it made me so ashamed. I had back surgery a few years ago and that's what started it but the energy it gave me was the best. But I know now they are ruling my life and it scares me to death because I have took them so long. If I can make them last till Monday so I can take care of my aunt and then I can be home and I'm going ct and hope I can take it. With my stomach bypass surgery I am scared because everything hits me harder cause my stomach is so small. But me just saying I am an addict helped me alot and everyone on here responding was a God send. I still can't believe I did this to myself. Thank everyone for their responses and for caring I will try to keep you posted. I have never been this scared before in my life. Keep me in your prayers. LOL fiesty
 
Lapis136, What I call Hydros is Hydrocodone, the chemical name. The brand name is Lorcet and I think Vicodin has hydrocodone in it. I have never heard of Dihydrocodiene, but I'm assuming it's a pain killer if your surgeon gave it to you. I know Diazepam is a benzo, and is used for nerves. I hope you don't have to take the meRAB to much longer, I know you said you have been on it for months. When you ask what I have tried to do, do you mean how did I come off the Lorcet and how am I staying off? I have been addicted for over 10yrs and went ct many times and went back, this time I meant if with all my heart and it was hard and some days are ruff, but better than before. After being on them so long, I couldn't imagine like without my pill, thought I couldn't get out of bed in the mornings without them. It's hard to fight now because my husband had knee re-placement and he had to have pain medicine, and to just know it's here at first was pure hell, but then I remeraber what they did to me and I go on. If you've been on them long and want to get off try to taper off and see if that helps, but one thing I know is it's a battle and you have to want it with all your heart. There are alot of people one this board with good advice and really care so keep posting and I hope you get the answers you looking for. You are in my prayers, LOL, Fiesty
 
Jane,

To answer your question about having the strength to to overcome this giant, quite frankly I was in a position where I absolutely could not get anymore pills. My dr. had quit prescribing, and trying to get them elsewhere ("dr. shopping or streets") was simply not an option I was willing to try. Didn't want to do anything illegal (way to scared for that). My prescribing physician had for years given me large amts. with refills added and if I needed more, all I had to do was call. That is until I finally asked them why I would begin aching like flu in the afternoon if I hadn't taken any. His nurse immediately put me on hold when I asked that question. They knew what the problem was. I regretted having asked that question at the time, but now I thank God I did cause it made me realize I was not becoming addicted, but already was addicted. That's a scary thing to realize !! After being prescribed the methodone and getting down to 10mg/day from 40mg/day, I was cut off from it. That made the detox quite a bit worse. My strength came from the Lord, my family, and somewhere from within me because I was totally tired of the pills running my life. Fiesty and you are wanting to be clean so badly, and that alone gives you inner strength (more than you are aware you have). Also, talk to your dr. about some things that will help. Your dr. should be willing to talk to you and help you if you are truthful with him/her. If you can taper, try that. That takes extreme willpower, but I would think tapering a little at a time would be much easier than the way I did it cause of w/d symptoms. Prayers remain with you both. I think of you often during the day and when I do, I always lift up a prayer in your names. This can be conquered, just be patient with yourself especially if you are doing it alone. You will genuinely smile again because you have succeeded.
 
JANE03847 ,

Please support the original poster in addiction recovery on this thread. Please start another thread to discuss your own issues.
 
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