I need advice, no where else to turn. Serious question. Not just a winy kid

H

help!!

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complaining about their parents.? I am about to start my second year in college and i am very happy! I have been with one boy since i was a junior in high school and he is a really great guy with a sweet family. I love my parents and my little sister, they always push me to be the best i can be...but things are getting out of hand. They are very critical and mouthy. they do not like me having a serious boyfriend...thats what they say at least. it is mostly my mom, but my dad backs her up. My boyfriend is not the smartest guy in the world! but he is a hard worker and he treats me very well, i feel so safe with him. he is going to college to get his degree in Ag Science and i am going for nursing. they call him stupid, short, ugly, pretty much every degrading thing they can think of ( not to his face! but they tell me these things about him almost daily) and they put my character and maturity level down for dating him and being serious with him. they tell me things like i do not know how to be independent and have a back bone. they also tell me that i dont have any self esteem and that i think he is the best i can get..all these crazy things! i have had several boyfriends in high school before i met my current bf...and i didnt really care for him and he for me...we wouldnt be together. i am really happy with him and i am going to sority rush in the fall. my grades are awesome too and i love school! i think my life going in the right direction! but my parents (both professionals) make me insane and make me really question my life and my relationships....i am really struggling. Also, my boyfriend has a younger sister the same age as my sister. they are both really into sports and VERY competetive...it is tearing my family apart bc if both my fam and my bf's fam want there daughter to win the race or get the starting position or get the BEST grades! it sounds crazy i know...but it is like world war 3 btw my parents and his parents and our sisters! (my mom being the primary shit starter) My BF's parents are not innocent either though. his family is really nice to me and consider me part of their family...but it is awkward with our families all the time! i can never really even do anything with his family bc my parents get so offended! so i always end up staying home with them and hurting my bf's feelings. EITHER WAY I LOSE! i dont want to pick sides...and my parents are not going to change their minds about him and his family. what i am asking is...how do i get away from them emotionally (despite everything, i still care what they think and listen to their advice and try to make them happy! but i can not stay with michael if i am goin to live at home with them..i cant take the mean things they say about he and i every day anymore.) and physically? i am ready to move out the house and become economically independent i think. where do i start and what should i do about the whole situation? am i totally off base here...are my parents really in my best interest or is it because they are being steriotypical and think i need to marry a "doctor" or "lawyer"? they have even gone so far to tell me they are not going to pay a penny for our weding (but that is not even an option right now! we are still in school) it is tearing my family and my boyfriend and myself apart...help

i know its a long story...i would appreiciate it if you would read it anyway!

thank you and God bless!
 
first, take a breath. here are the options:
1. if you are willing to risk your relationship to be with your boyfriend, then move in with him (also, consider your financial situation)
2. dump your boyfriend, find a new one, live in your parent's approval
*3. take a step back. although you may think that you're mature enough to handle adult life..you're only 20. it's okay to be unsure. i can't exactly completely help you out because i dont know this situation first hand, but you should definitely consult close friends or even family. take an analytical route. analyze your parents/family and your boyfriend. who seems to be right in the situation. maybe just give it some time. really think before you act.
 
You sound like an awesome daughter. I wish you were mine! I think your parents are out of line when they put you down. If you are happy with your boyfriend, that's all that matters. You are old enough to make some decisions for yourself. And you're getting good grades, too. WOW! Want to come be my daughter? I have an awesome daughter but I could use another one!
 
I was in a very similar situation actually last year - I had my first very serious boyfriend who my parents really did not approve of. My older sister used to complain about him to them as well, calling him fat, stupid, lazy, as you said, anything degrading that they could think of.

I let it get to me, because I felt so pressured by what my family thought, and we ended up breaking up over it. I would recommend you to just not worry about what your family think - at the end of the day it's completely up to you who you want to date, and your happiness is far more important to them than anything else, even if they have a strange way of showing it. They just want what's best for their little girl, it's annoying and upsetting but it's the truth!
 
This is a classic case of the Romeo and Juliet scenario, just not quite as severe. You should always go with your heart no matter what other people think, so if you enjoy staying with your boyfriend then stay with him! Your parents are acting out of a mix of love and egotism. Love because it sounds like they just want the best for you and egotism because they would prefer if you had a boyfriend higher up in relation to society standards (ex Tall, Intelligent, etc).

Yet, what it comes down to is you. No one should go into a relationship for any reason other than for their own feelings. It sounds like your life is in pretty good shape since you're getting good grades and entering a career in which there are may job openings. So, as long as your relationship does not impede these types of things, I don't see a problem.

Of course, like you mentioned, you still want to appease your parents; after all, they're your parents! My advice is to continually remind them in a nice way that you really care for your boyfriend and how its not like you're dropping out of school or anything. Let them know how its rude for them to continually insult him. As for your little sis and the feuding families, you're on your own with that one!

I hope all works out for you.
 
Hold on til you're out of school. Or until you can afford to move out. you are an adult (and you seem to BE adult; good for you) so you need to cultivate patience. You CAN start looking for an apartment, but if you can avoid spending the money, save it. It's not forever, I can't tell you anything you don't already know, except, smile at them, be sweet and make agreeable noises, hang in there and PRAY.
 
You need to be completely honest with yourself and ask whether they're right about this boy. Are they worried about you? Do they think he's bad for you for some reason? Does anything they say really, honestly hit home? If so, maybe he isn't the guy of your dreams.

To me though, it sounds as if your parents are just competing with his family for your attention and their criticisms aren't in your best interest. From what you say, it sounds like your happy, and I honestly don't think they really care all that much about your happiness at this point. I mean, I wouldn't advise you to rush into marriage at this age, but I don't think you should break up based on what your family says.

No matter what you do, they're still your parents and you love them and want their opinions to matter. There's no real way to 'block out' what they say or not let it effect you emotionally. It's going to effect you.

At this point you really need to have a heart to heart with your family. Leave the screaming out of it, be mature about it. Say that you're sorry that they don't like your boyfriend, but they need to stop making life hell for you. Tell them openly and honestly how you feel. Be serious, don't joke around or allow them to make you feel bad. You're an adult. You make your own decisions now. Your parents aren't going to like all of them.

If they refuse to accept your relationship, remove yourself from the situation, and refuse to compete for their attention. If you think its time you moved out, tell them you'll visit regularly, but they're going to have to accept that you're going to visit your boyfriend's family too. Do not take part in conversations where they badmouth him. Tell them that what they say really hurts you, and remove yourself from the situation (hang up the phone, leave the house, etc)

Good luck!
 
well first off, they are being really selfish and mean about it. date who you want your old enough to make choices and understand what they are. if you want to move out get a steady job if you dont already have one and start looking for apartments or studios, see if michael wants to move also. just ignore what your parents are saying and just keep in mind of what you want to do. or see if you can live in a dorm. your parents will eventually accept it once they see you doing things on your own and that your still with him. good luck!
 
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