I need a fucking break....

C

cutie bug

New member
Seriously, my mom needs to cut the fucking umbilical cord and my dad needs to stop making me feel like a worthless piece of trash.

I'm busting my ass in school so I can go to college without having to take out a loan and be in debt the rest of my life. I didn't take my ACT for many reasons so I got fucked over on a lot of scholarships. So I'm trying out for a pell grant once my taxes get filed and whatnot. I'm still trying to get good grades so I don't look like a slacker. 3 nights out of the week, I'm working until 7 or 8 just on homework. Then I work 2 or 3 days during the week and ALL fucking weekend so I can pay for stuff I need. My parents don't have jobs. My mom is on disability so I pin absolutely no blame on her. My dad got fired(for stupid reasons that even I will side with him and agree that he didn't do anything wrong there) but hasn't even LOOKED for a job in 3 months.

Here's the real problems, my mom is constantly trying to shelter me now. For the last few years, she cared greatly and helped a lot but she pretty much let me live my own life and make my own mistakes and accomplishments. But since I turned 17, she's jerking me back from a lot of things and pushing me in directions that SHE wants me to go in and not really taking into consideration what I want. For example, I got my drivers permit when I was 16 and she let me drive a lot. Well, when I turned 17 she started making excuses for not letting me drive. This went on for 6 months and then my permit expired and she REFUSED to let me go take my written test. I studied and passed my test the first time, didn't get any tickets, and was a pretty good driver compared to most people my age, but yet she kept making excuses to not let me drive. I finally got fed up and said that if she wanted me to be like my former friend(who didn't get her permit until she was 20 and bummed rides from everyone) then that was fine with me *sarcasm*. I JUST got my permit again a month ago. Maybe I'll get lucky and I can actually take my driving test this time! Then when I find a boyfriend that lived about 35 miles from my town, she was making me come home at 10 and 11. And I was within 6 months of being 18. It didn't make any sense. Because when I was in SOUTHERN TEXAS shortly after I turned 17 with my best friend of 13 years (who is also my 23 year old ex boyfriend lol), we could be out until 4 in the morning and she wouldn't think twice about it. It didn't make a whole lot of sense considering I had done NOTHING to have the leash shortened. Also, she keeps pressuring me to go to the local community college and take a bunch of classes that mean absolutely nothing to my career goals (I want to be a massage therapist by the way :) ). I'm sorry but I'm not going to pay for classes that don't mean shit to me. But she will NOT shut up about it. And even now if I'm out of the house for more than 3 hours, I have to check in every hour and update EXACTLY where I am all of a sudden. She didn't do this with me when I was younger. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother to death and I would do just about anything in the world to make her happy, but I just don't understand why she would start trying to overly shelter me just as I become a legal adult. It makes no sense.

My dad on the other hand could not probably care less about me. Despite the fact that I'm the only one in the house with a job and going to school, he still finds it necessary to bitch at me and my mom about everything. For example, Saturday night, we got slammed and I didn't even get home from work until 1am and I was fucking exhausted. But yet he gets up from the fucking computer and starts bitching at me about how I need to start "pulling my own weight", stop "being lazy", and blah blah blah. And if he's feeling in a REALLY good mood, he'll threaten to beat the shit out of me simply because I told him he wasn't going to call my mom a fat ignorant bitch.

I've been at the same job since I was 16. My main job is bussing so I'm exhausted obviously after 4-6 hours with the only break I have without getting in trouble is to go to the restroom and my district manager decided he didn't give a shit about some of our wellbeing and cut me down to 15-17 hours a week. I can't even fucking afford to buy our usual groceries and pay for gas with that bullshit...and I just learned recently that except for 2 newbies, EVERYONE earns more than me, even 7 people who have been there a year less than me. Its bullshit. And I cant really quit because nowhere else is hiring right now....

And to top all of this shit off, all of my friends have moved to or live in other states, including the love of my life, who just recently told me that he's getting married in October and thats pretty much put my heart through a grinder and then a blender....

I need a vacation or something. I'm going insane.... :sad:
 
A lot of parents have trouble letting go when their kids grow up. I thought my mom was being overbearing, but it turned out she only wanted what was best for me.

However, your mom might be getting a little extreme with the driving deal, and your dad... I'm not going to go there.

I'll let Bitch handle the rest on this one. I might reply a little bit more when I'm not so tired.
 
Holy shit. if my parents ever acted like that, i would've fucking left already. well maybe not in your case, because your mom is handicapped. but i still don't understand her over bearing. have you been getting into trouble lately? started any unhealty habits, like smoking cigarretes or weed? 'cuz if your mom knows, that might be why she's being overbearing. and i'm not gonna go there with your father. he can't bitch at you about "not pulling your weight" when he doesn't have a job of his own. that's just not right.
 
Ok this is what I'm understanding from this...

Mom: she's afraid to be alone. She sees you are growing up and she knows you are going to be leaving. By trying to stop the attempts to get a license meant you'll be around more to be with her. By making you come home earlier than usual means you'll be home more with her. it's not that she doesn't trust you, but she's afraid to be alone. Your father doesn't sound like great company and may even be abusive to her so it may be a little bit of fear and a need for company that she's been needing from you. It's not also being selfish of her, but there is something she's not being forward about with either you and both you and herself. Having you around, might be keeping your father from being nasty to her and she figures he won't hurt you. She's also probably feeling pretty helpless being on disability and being unable to work and support you financially. it's a huge blow to the adult ego when not being able to support your baby. She's feeling very needy right now for a bunch of reasons.

Dad: It sounds to me like he's depressed and feeling sorry for himself. Instead of looking for a new job, he's just simply stewing about the last one and how bad he's feeling. He may be feeling worthless and a no good adult male who can't keep a good job going. Unfortunately, instead of just closing in on himself, he takes it out on you and your mother. He needs medical attention and anger management. IF he does actually become abusive to you and/or your mother, do not hesitate to call for help. I would advise you talk to a counselor yourself about this and maybe try to get both your parents to seek such help. Your mother is headed in to a bad place right now, and she needs to gain some of the self-esteem back...as does your father. Your father is headed down a very dangerous road and may in fact start to physically hurt someone if he's having a particularly bad day. Once that happens, the self-esteem from your mom goes out the window and you, I could only hope you do the right thing and call for help, but it's hard when it's your own parent. You don't want to feel like the one to tare things up, but just remember, your father's already torn up things all on his own.

You: Congrats on working so hard! I became licensed as a massage therapist myself and I loved it! I no longer do it due to health and financial reasons, but it is a wonderful field to get in to. It gives you both a sense of control and creativity, while helping someone feel better and improve their well-being. It was the most rewarding career I ever chose. I wish I could have stayed with it. it didn't work out well for me, but all i can say is keep up the hard work. Massage can be a very lucrative field if you are working in the right places (fancy hotels, cruise ships, personal massage therapist....NOT masseuse...don't let anyone call you a masseuse cause that implies you'll do ANYTHING including happy endings cause a real masseuse isn't always licensed). Some already high traffic spas do very well too, but a lot of spas have trouble keeping up business in this economy. Working in your own company is not a good idea until you are well established and are able to get a client base going almost immediately. In this economy, forget about it until things pick up. Once that happens, more people will be looking to pamper themselves. I would also consider working in the medical field. That was my forte. It was a good one cause people are more likely to return to you if their pains go away or improve.

You are doing a great job putting up with everything. Please don't lose sight of your goal to get in to college. Once you are able to gain some financial and personal independence, there isn't much your father can do to hurt you and you may be able to help your mother out through some of this chaos.

Meanwhile, I'm sorry about the news about your friend. You will find another guy someday that will knock your socks off, but for now, be happy for him. If he's happy and you are able to be happy for him, then that makes you the bigger person and a great friend to him. Hopefully, you can remain his friend. You may not be able to open your heart to him, but at least you can be there for him if he wants a friend to talk to. But do take care of yourself and chin up. You are doing a great job with what you have had handed to you. Look forward to what you can do. I hope things do improve with your job and family life.
 
That makes amazing sense..... Though my problems aren't gonna go away anytime soon, your advice really made my day. And as for my friend, he knows how I feel because we had a very in depth conversation about it about a week and a half ago and I told him that no matter what I would always be his best friend and would be there for him if he needed me(though I said that before, I was just making it clear that it still stood) and I was happy if he was happy. He was trying to tell me that he still had very strong feelings for me, but I kind of blew it off because I don't wanna get my hopes up again. Thank you :)
 
Seems like you just needed a rant and some advice :) Don't underestimate the power of ranting, trust me it helps a lot ( not that i do mine here, i go to my friends for that and they come to me :P)
 
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