I may be just ranting, but how would you handle this?

R

Rebecca

New member
my husband's daughter lives with her boyfriend, and they are renting her mother's basement. they are both working, and because she lives with her mother, and goes to school part-time, he pays child support to her mother. Quite a bit. $500/month. And his daughter calls him for money about once a month - sometimes more - and he always puts a few hundred bux onto her account, because she needs it for !!!! FOOD!!!! or spending money because she is taking an !!!OUT OF TOWN COURSE!!!! - which always turns out to be untrue, or anything like that. Then we go to see her, and she has $100 gel nails done, $300 hairdos, designer clothes, and still, he doesn't see how she plays him!!! In his eyes, she is the greatest thing ever, while all she is nothing but a little piece of trash taking advantage of her dad and lying to him. I see all this, and if I ever say anything, I am the bad guy, and he gets mad at me, and treats me like he hates me and I am the bad person. Let me tell you, we are in debt, and we have to make ends meet, and my paychecke does not go on nails and crap, but bills.
she is at an adult age by the way. he is just ordered to pay support as long as his child lives with her mother and/or goes to school.
 
There's really no good way to handle it. That's his daughter and to dad's daughter's are perfect and can do no wrong. If she calls sayin she needs food, offer to take her shoppin and you will pay for the food. Try to out smart her. If not he will feel like you are tryin to come between them, even though you are not. It's hard bein a step parent. Just do the best you can. Ask him if YALL can sit down and teach her how to budget and spend money wisely together. If she's workin, her boyfriend is workin, mom's helpin, he's payin childsupport, there's no reason she can't afford food and her bills.
 
I think that you should see a lawyer, if she is RENTING her moms basement, she is not LIVING WITH HER MOM!!! hello!!! I think that the money to the mother should be stopped and that then he can send money directly to his daughter for school and all that. OR he can agree to pay her tuition or buy her textbooks ECT. There are more constructive ways to support your children that just dishing out money. All that his daughter is learning now is that daddy is an ATM. Her mom does not need that money, it should go to the daughter.

Also, if you two are in a financial rut in your marriage, he cannot keep giving and giving more and more cash, especially if its going on $300 hair does and expensive nails! Of course as a father, he wants to give her all he can, but it wont be a laughing matter for your marriage when the bank takes your house cause of your debt while his ex and daughter live like queens in designer clothes.

Its not about being ugly, its about the fact that money is getting tighter and tighter these days and its not teaching his daughter anything if she can just get more and more money from her father for frivolous things while you struggle in the marriage

I think you should speak to your husband in a nice way and try to budget money to pay for some of her college exspenses instead of giving the money to her mom, talk to a lawyer if you have to. $300 hair is not a NEED its a WANT so he needs to get his priorities straight - paying your debt is a NEED not a WANT .. get the picture?

If you husband thinks you are thinking of ways to give more to the daughter by stopping payments to the mother, you might just have some luck!
 
If you are trashing his daughter to him you ARE the bad guy. It will get you nowhere.
Tell your husband to offer to buy her groceries, books, things that are essential for living. And by the way, $500 a month isn't much. My son was ordered to pay 1300 for 2 children.
 
I agree with you. I am dealing with almost the same thing. My husband does not see how his adult children are playin him. He feels like he owes it to them...but he is paying child support. Are bills barely get paid. We can run out food...they wouldn't care...they want Blackberry's and Cars...and runs and get them. Girl you got me started. Sorry.
I feel you. If you can come to a peaceful solution holla at me. Shoot.
 
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