I just needed someone to talk to....

[BreathNoMore]

I hate my addictions more than anything in this entire world. I can't say I'm addicted to just one substance (but lately my scapegoat has been alcohol, and by lately I mean every night for the past month) because I feel like I'm addicted to anything that will erase my life away, if only for a moment. I was raped about a month ago, and everyday the pain becomes that much more real, and everyday I fall deeper into my addictions. Cigarettes, alcohol, pills, ect. I've gotten to the point to where I don't feel normal being sober anymore...and I'm sick of it. I've been struggling with drug/alcohol problems for many, many years now. And it never seems to go away...in and out of rehab, issues with my family, financial problems...I know I shouldn't, but I do anyway, and I hate it. I feel drawn to it, like I need it. It just overtakes me...

I don't really know the point of this post, but I just really think I needed to vent. I feel very hypocritical in all of this considering that I'm fairly intoxicated now and will probably be fixing myself another drink in a few minutes. But believe you me, I want to change. I begin rape counceling and CBT this Wednesday, which I am very excited about. I think this will really be the first true step towarRAB recovery. I hate the way being an addict makes me feel, because once your an addict, society doesn't see a person, but a problem, and I don't think that's fair. It isn't easy being a drug/alcohol addict..and I dare anybody with the audacity to point the finger to walk a mile in our shoes. But I know I can make it... that we can make it. Addiction steals the soul and rapes the mind of everything that is good and worthy, leaving you with nothing but an empty core. But our life and our souls are worth fighting for...

I hope everyone has a wonderful night!! Thanks for listening!!

 

[granny0]

Hi BreathNoMore,

Sorry things are going so badly for you now. The emotional duress sure makes it hard to quit the things that make you feel better for the moment. Are you seeing a counselor? I think you need to address the real issue that is causing you so much pain. I was raped and strangled when I was 16. I have not admitted that to anyone in over 30 yrs. I felt like I put myself "out there" and blamed myself for a long time. Now, as an adult, I know I was just a stupid teenager - going off with a group of people I didn't know to smoke some dope.
To this day, I hate being touched - especially around the neck area. Luckily for me, my rapist passed out and I was able to flee. I'm not a stupid teenager anymore, and you are not either. Get the help you need dealing with the attack and be kind to yourself.

Your current tools for dealing with your problems ( booze & drugs ) are only creating additional problems, right?

Get some help and feel better soon,

JB

 

[magpie1970]

Breathe,

I hope that your counseling goes well for you. I have been in your position before (the rape) and understand what you are going through. I think that if you are able to work through this, it may help with your addiction issues also. I'll send positive thoughts your way.

Namaste

 

[namaste2u]

Hi Breathe
Addictions always have a root cause and sadly yours was added to with the rape. There are places that can help you become addiction free using holistic and biophysical methoRAB and included is therapy both one on one and group.
namaste2u

 

[Lugar22]

Breathe...how I feel for you. Life can throw us so many curve balls and sometimes it seems so hard to deal with issues without a prop or without drowning ourselves in our chosen fog. I really hope that counselling will help for you , and please keep posting. I am really new to this site and want you to know that not everyone is well into their journey,so dont feel like you are any less worthy just cause u r still using. I am only 30hrs off street drugs (but not prescription)and already Im struggling bigtime. So dont feel alone. Sending you a big cuddle right now.

 

[Secrets1983]

Hey Breathe,

I was wondering how you were holding up so thanks for the update!!!! What you have been thru is just so unfair!!!! I really think it's great you are going to counseling because they can help you deal with the rape issues and also prior issues that may be spurring your addiction. All around I think it will be a GREAT thing.

A person can only handle so much when they are fighting alone.. That is why it's great you found support of a counselor.. Of us on here and hopefully others in your life. Just know.. we are here for you and care very much.

Please give us an update when you can. I will be praying for your strenght!

 

[Mike S]

Hi Breath,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It makes me feel ashamed for being down because I've never gone through something so horrible as you & the other's have. Addiction has a hold on me too. Doesn't matter what the substance is I abuse it. I damaged my nerves because of booze. Please don't let this happen to you. I'm struggling today w/ day # 10. After falling while drunk & damaging my Rt. arm, the Doc. gave me Vicodin. Very quicklly I was going through the whole script in a day. Another Doc. gave me Klonopin. I was doing the same. I was even driving loaded. Thank God I didn't hurt anyone. Now because of years of alcohol abuse I'm stuck w/ this Neuropathy & my Rt. arm is pretty much useless ( I'm Rt. handed ). I much rather have this than if I had hurt someone or worse. Please seek counseling. We have to live the best way we can. The addiction monster will kill us. Please stay in touch. We are all here for you.