...how to act more normal? When I first read about Asperger's Syndrome, and specifically, the high school experiences of those afflicted with it, I was almost certain that I had it. I got evaluated by a few professionals, and it appears that I don't quite cut the mustard for Asperger's, but I have been officially diagnosed with social and generalized anxiety.
I know for a fact that...
1. I act like a "total retard" in most social situations, even though I've been above average in most (if not all) academic subjects. (this has even been confirmed by a few close friends but not in those terms)
2. That's why I got bullied on a constant basis in school. I literally brought it upon myself.
3. If I ask people (or even professionals) for direct feedback, they will sugar-coat it most of the time. Thus, I will not be able to change my behavior because I can't easily see behind the white lies and decipher the real meaning. I can only trust negative or corrective feedback (this includes constructive criticism).
4. My "social retardation" has caused people to avoid and ostracize me in the past. The next time I do something wrong, they will start avoiding me again (but I won't be able to figure out exactly what I did wrong).
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or any other approach based on self-esteem or self-confidence is completely useless because in my case, it amounts to little more than self-delusion. The "retardation" is there - there's no question about it. I'm not entitled to self-confidence; nor do I need it or want it. Confidence can be gained with experience provided that I don't turn my every social interaction into an EPIC FAIL worthy of failblog.org. If I had more artificially induced self-confidence, I would be less vigilant, and I would mess things up even more by breaking unwritten social rules.
Is there a reliable way to figure out if I'm doing anything wrong and, if so, what I'm doing wrong before it's too late, and the damage is done? Or maybe, is there any way I can get Dr. Phil-style therapy without being on the show? The reason why I'm bringing up Dr. Phil is that he is the best-known pop culture example of a therapist that can be brutally honest and demanding.
Disclaimer: I know even those who were diagnosed with Asperger's are NOT "retarded". However, the typical person doesn't know what Asperger's Syndrome is unless they're fans of Boston Legal. "Socially retarded" is the term they would use for Aspie-like behavior. A non-professional who saw Boston Legal would probably "diagnose" me with Asperger's (at least, it did happen once).
I know for a fact that...
1. I act like a "total retard" in most social situations, even though I've been above average in most (if not all) academic subjects. (this has even been confirmed by a few close friends but not in those terms)
2. That's why I got bullied on a constant basis in school. I literally brought it upon myself.
3. If I ask people (or even professionals) for direct feedback, they will sugar-coat it most of the time. Thus, I will not be able to change my behavior because I can't easily see behind the white lies and decipher the real meaning. I can only trust negative or corrective feedback (this includes constructive criticism).
4. My "social retardation" has caused people to avoid and ostracize me in the past. The next time I do something wrong, they will start avoiding me again (but I won't be able to figure out exactly what I did wrong).
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or any other approach based on self-esteem or self-confidence is completely useless because in my case, it amounts to little more than self-delusion. The "retardation" is there - there's no question about it. I'm not entitled to self-confidence; nor do I need it or want it. Confidence can be gained with experience provided that I don't turn my every social interaction into an EPIC FAIL worthy of failblog.org. If I had more artificially induced self-confidence, I would be less vigilant, and I would mess things up even more by breaking unwritten social rules.
Is there a reliable way to figure out if I'm doing anything wrong and, if so, what I'm doing wrong before it's too late, and the damage is done? Or maybe, is there any way I can get Dr. Phil-style therapy without being on the show? The reason why I'm bringing up Dr. Phil is that he is the best-known pop culture example of a therapist that can be brutally honest and demanding.
Disclaimer: I know even those who were diagnosed with Asperger's are NOT "retarded". However, the typical person doesn't know what Asperger's Syndrome is unless they're fans of Boston Legal. "Socially retarded" is the term they would use for Aspie-like behavior. A non-professional who saw Boston Legal would probably "diagnose" me with Asperger's (at least, it did happen once).