If you're not getting therapy then I'd recommend that you ask to be referred for therapy as that is the key treatment for borderline personality disorder. If the medication you're on is making you ill then speak to your doctor about what other medication you could try as there are so many different options. It's good that you want to get better so use that strength and desire to get better to make changes to your life and to change your behaviours with help from health professionals to help guide you and find your own coping strategies.