U know I was once the same way a couple years back, thought nothing was going right and felt completely uncared for...I kept thinking "where's the love?"...after many thoughts of suicide and only one attempt my friends help me realize that life is just beginning, so I never had a love life or a girl friend or any start at first but after I graduating everything became clear..I have a long time of freedom to live my life and do what I want to make of it.
to this day I've lived out many things I've always wanted to do, but I still have thoughts of suicide often and keeping all these blades, daggers, pocket knifes, k-bars, and a couple swords in my room always gives me that certain time if I want to...but really they help me control the thoughts, as my friends told me, "if ur looking for love, just hold in there, life won't always give u what u want on a silver platter"...I figured, I got the weapons surrounding, do it, I dare u...and I can't because of everyone else who keeps saying, I won't be able to live if u do, so I'll join u...my feelings of others are stronger because I don't care about what happens to myself and I have no emotions for sadness..seriously, I showed nothing to my mom leaving my family for another guy when everyone else cried and wanted revenge or whatever...it's not me to care about what happens, it's life, deal with it, figure a way around it, and move on
as for ur traitor friends, fuck them, I learned something, ur true friends are those who u can consider brothers and I've got two of them that I've known for 7 years ever since I first moved to ohio..we'd take bullets for each other, those are friends
I can also tell you to look to the bright side, stay positive, I always am, never mad, never sad, never emotional, just positive.....and don't sit in the dark too long..trust me it brings the feelings back to easily when u think alone with no one around to stop u
oh...and after reading Kitana's reply, I gotta tell u it helps a bit to know others out there are wise enough to lend a helping thought