Y
Yuki <3 UVER
Guest
...do? [its a long rant, so yeah]? Ok, here I go....WARNING, I'm about to rant a ton, so if you don't feel like wasting your time reading this, then by all means, don't read it. -_-"
....
Hey guys
I'm just your average Japanese girl in high school....but I am really sad and lonely, maybe depress.
[btw I'm not emo, or suicidal]
There are many reasons why I am a lil sad, lonely and depress. I don't go around telling people I'm depress, but I look like I am sometimes. I don't do it on purpose, and I'm not an attention seeker. When I just want to be quiet and think, I give a blank expression. Apparently to my friends, its a depress look...well, my friends are one of the reasons why I'm depress. They don't understand me, and I sometimes hate to call them my friends, but I have nobody else. That adds to my loneliness. I have real friends in other states, but they live too far. :'( I also don't feel like I fit in socially sometimes.
I also am depress, cause of my younger sis. Ok, you may call this jealousy, but I don't go around trying to get attention or trying to make people feel bad for me. Maybe that's the reason why she gets more attention, I kinda don't try sometimes. When I was in Japan with my younger sister, my mom's side like worshipped her cause she's so cute and adorable and so talkative, while I just sat back listening to my Ipod.[I love music so much, it lightens me up] What was worse was that when we visited my dad's side a week later, they worshipped her even more. Gah, its like a competition, but I don't tell people about this cause they might think I'm a jealous bitch or something. So my sister and my senseless relatives are also a reason why I feel sad, depress and lonely sometimes.
Another reason why I feel this way also is cause my grandma [that im super close with compared to my other relatives] is about to pass, she has cancer and is going downhill. Her mental state is going down and she is laying, basically in her death bed. I can't see her cause she's so far from me in Japan. So I'm really sad I might never see her, till I die. She might not make it in the next few days, which saddens me deeply.
Adding to my reason for my grandma about to go...my mom has been really depress about my grandma about to past, so she puts all her anger on me. She yells at me like 20 times a day, and one day, out of the blue, when I wanted a pair of skinny jeans, she kept saying how my legs are so fat to wear skinny jeans...ok fyi, im not even fat. But obviously that made me upset. I know she's going through a lot, about to lose her mother, but she's making me feel more depress as it is. My cousin who just came to visit thinks that my mom and dad don't like me, which hurts. I get yelled at for no reason sometimes, and I hide it all in, but sometimes when I'm alone, I let it all out, crying. But then I try to get over it.
One of the things I've been thinking about is love...even though I'm in high school, I still haven't found anybody yet. I really wanna find, the "one and only" [quote from my favorite Japanese band]. Well, I have a deep crush on my one of my favorite band members, but that means nothing, Lol, just normal teenager crush I guess. Idk, I want to find a guy, not my soulmate, just idk...its hard to explain. But that just makes me feel lonely, not sad and depress, but that's one of my minor reasons of feeling lonely, but that's not too important right now compared to the others. I'm NOT looking at the moment, or desperate. I just am thinking about my future, what if I'll be alone??? :'(
I guess I wrote this whole thing, just to let it out. But if any of you understand what I'm going through, and is willing to give some advice on how I should handle all this stress, and emotions, please, you are welcome to answer. The way I cope with all of this is that I just sit and be quiet, listening to music. I'm one of those people who think music is my life. Music sooths me when I'm under a lot of things. If you are gonna give me a hard time, and give me a rude answer, then don't even bother. You're wasting your time.
Thanks for your answers in advance :] Sorry that this thing was really long, I just had a ton to let out. There is more to this, but I don't remember at the moment.
....
Hey guys
I'm just your average Japanese girl in high school....but I am really sad and lonely, maybe depress.
[btw I'm not emo, or suicidal]
There are many reasons why I am a lil sad, lonely and depress. I don't go around telling people I'm depress, but I look like I am sometimes. I don't do it on purpose, and I'm not an attention seeker. When I just want to be quiet and think, I give a blank expression. Apparently to my friends, its a depress look...well, my friends are one of the reasons why I'm depress. They don't understand me, and I sometimes hate to call them my friends, but I have nobody else. That adds to my loneliness. I have real friends in other states, but they live too far. :'( I also don't feel like I fit in socially sometimes.
I also am depress, cause of my younger sis. Ok, you may call this jealousy, but I don't go around trying to get attention or trying to make people feel bad for me. Maybe that's the reason why she gets more attention, I kinda don't try sometimes. When I was in Japan with my younger sister, my mom's side like worshipped her cause she's so cute and adorable and so talkative, while I just sat back listening to my Ipod.[I love music so much, it lightens me up] What was worse was that when we visited my dad's side a week later, they worshipped her even more. Gah, its like a competition, but I don't tell people about this cause they might think I'm a jealous bitch or something. So my sister and my senseless relatives are also a reason why I feel sad, depress and lonely sometimes.
Another reason why I feel this way also is cause my grandma [that im super close with compared to my other relatives] is about to pass, she has cancer and is going downhill. Her mental state is going down and she is laying, basically in her death bed. I can't see her cause she's so far from me in Japan. So I'm really sad I might never see her, till I die. She might not make it in the next few days, which saddens me deeply.
Adding to my reason for my grandma about to go...my mom has been really depress about my grandma about to past, so she puts all her anger on me. She yells at me like 20 times a day, and one day, out of the blue, when I wanted a pair of skinny jeans, she kept saying how my legs are so fat to wear skinny jeans...ok fyi, im not even fat. But obviously that made me upset. I know she's going through a lot, about to lose her mother, but she's making me feel more depress as it is. My cousin who just came to visit thinks that my mom and dad don't like me, which hurts. I get yelled at for no reason sometimes, and I hide it all in, but sometimes when I'm alone, I let it all out, crying. But then I try to get over it.
One of the things I've been thinking about is love...even though I'm in high school, I still haven't found anybody yet. I really wanna find, the "one and only" [quote from my favorite Japanese band]. Well, I have a deep crush on my one of my favorite band members, but that means nothing, Lol, just normal teenager crush I guess. Idk, I want to find a guy, not my soulmate, just idk...its hard to explain. But that just makes me feel lonely, not sad and depress, but that's one of my minor reasons of feeling lonely, but that's not too important right now compared to the others. I'm NOT looking at the moment, or desperate. I just am thinking about my future, what if I'll be alone??? :'(
I guess I wrote this whole thing, just to let it out. But if any of you understand what I'm going through, and is willing to give some advice on how I should handle all this stress, and emotions, please, you are welcome to answer. The way I cope with all of this is that I just sit and be quiet, listening to music. I'm one of those people who think music is my life. Music sooths me when I'm under a lot of things. If you are gonna give me a hard time, and give me a rude answer, then don't even bother. You're wasting your time.
Thanks for your answers in advance :] Sorry that this thing was really long, I just had a ton to let out. There is more to this, but I don't remember at the moment.