to hear how awful this is? I am on disability in stage 2 kidney failure.
My daughter (my Grand daughter's Mother) is a pain pill prescription drug addict, homeless, jobless and in the hospital again right now for one of her many illnesses, right now it's a blood infection.
I have been raising my sweet 5 year old grand daughter for year's and when I die there are not many people to take care of her and she will be crushed and mentally damaged from my death. I will not act on these thoughts because I know it is so wrong. She is only 5 and she has her whole life ahead of her and it is so selfish of me to have these flash thoughts. Why do they even occurr in my head? Am I a sicko for even the thought for a second?
Don't worry I WON'T act on these thoughts, I could never hurt her in a million years, I get upset if she skin's her knee.
I am so worried about what will happen to my grandaughter when I am not here to meet her needs like I do so well. I take such good care of her despite my failing health and she is so happy and innocent I can not bear the thought of her being a ward of the state in some perverts house. I worry so much about her to the point I have these awful flash thoughts. I love her so much and my life revolves around her happiness. I don't know how long I have to live but I am able to meet her every need right now, but that will not last forever. Please give me some advice besides giving her up to someone else. As I said ..... I will NOT act on these thoughts, I feel guilty for having them. I cry when I have a flash of the thought because I feel like I must be evil and I know I KNOW I AM NOT.
I don't let the thought be there for more than a flash but it is enough to make me feel like a bad person. I'm doing the best I can but just need some support. Has anyone else ever gone through this?
My daughter (my Grand daughter's Mother) is a pain pill prescription drug addict, homeless, jobless and in the hospital again right now for one of her many illnesses, right now it's a blood infection.
I have been raising my sweet 5 year old grand daughter for year's and when I die there are not many people to take care of her and she will be crushed and mentally damaged from my death. I will not act on these thoughts because I know it is so wrong. She is only 5 and she has her whole life ahead of her and it is so selfish of me to have these flash thoughts. Why do they even occurr in my head? Am I a sicko for even the thought for a second?
Don't worry I WON'T act on these thoughts, I could never hurt her in a million years, I get upset if she skin's her knee.
I am so worried about what will happen to my grandaughter when I am not here to meet her needs like I do so well. I take such good care of her despite my failing health and she is so happy and innocent I can not bear the thought of her being a ward of the state in some perverts house. I worry so much about her to the point I have these awful flash thoughts. I love her so much and my life revolves around her happiness. I don't know how long I have to live but I am able to meet her every need right now, but that will not last forever. Please give me some advice besides giving her up to someone else. As I said ..... I will NOT act on these thoughts, I feel guilty for having them. I cry when I have a flash of the thought because I feel like I must be evil and I know I KNOW I AM NOT.
I don't let the thought be there for more than a flash but it is enough to make me feel like a bad person. I'm doing the best I can but just need some support. Has anyone else ever gone through this?