Aliya Martin
New member
It's a long story but I'll condense what I can. My daughter stated recently to me that if/when she gets married to her current boyfriend she wants her dad to walk her down. This was truly shocking to me because even though she's in contact with him now, he's been a horrible father to MY kids. Even when the older ones were little he was distant and would do only the bare minimum that was required. We divorced in 2001 and he's made no attempts to see them or be a dad, IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. It's been 9 years now. Because I've raised our kids as a single mom for 19 years essentially, our kids have become MY kids. He can kiss my ***.
He doesn't call, he doesn't write, he doesn't send gifts, he doesn't acknowledge birthdays/holidays, he doesn't involve himself in any way in their lives and ever since he got out of the Army in 2006 we haven't seen a penny in support. He stayed in Korea and is hiding there. Now my oldest who's 19, got in touch with him via myspace and they're talking and now she said that she's made him promise to walk her down when the time comes and he said he would, which is surprising because they weren't even close before.
My boyfriend of 5 years has been to all of their games, life changes, holidays, he's seen them grow and loves them unconditionally. My kids adore him. He's even said if the girls want their dad to walk them down the aisle he's fine with it but to me it's a slap in the face neither he or I deserve.
The thought of seeing my ex have the honor of walking my lil girl down (for a wedding that I'M paying for) makes me physically ill. I know it's just one day, one moment in her life, whereas me and my boyfriend have had so many that surely I could let the bastard have this one duty but the bile that fills my mouth is hard to ignore. I could do my duty and honor her wishes but I don't think it's right.
My question is, is it fair for me to ask her to reconsider if I offer her an alternative? For example: I would feel a little better about it if he fulfilled even one fatherly duty - by paying for the wedding. That's quite frankly the very least he could do considering. He'll poor-mouth as usual, even though he makes more than I do. Otherwise, if I have to pay for this wedding as I suspect I will, then she has to pick someone else. I don't even care who. The entire wedding will be to HER specifications as it is. It's up to him now to be a man. If he can't even do this one miniscule thing as a father for his eldest daughter then what good is he?
I realize it's her choice, so I'll deal with whatever she decides if I have to and once it's decided I won't say one thing about it, Ever. I'll support her in every possible way as I have all her life. Is this a fair enough proposal? My daughter is very tenderhearted so she would never act all bitchy by saying It's my wedding! or It's MY day! She's been brought up better than that. She just wants a father so bad that she's given him a free pass.
He doesn't call, he doesn't write, he doesn't send gifts, he doesn't acknowledge birthdays/holidays, he doesn't involve himself in any way in their lives and ever since he got out of the Army in 2006 we haven't seen a penny in support. He stayed in Korea and is hiding there. Now my oldest who's 19, got in touch with him via myspace and they're talking and now she said that she's made him promise to walk her down when the time comes and he said he would, which is surprising because they weren't even close before.
My boyfriend of 5 years has been to all of their games, life changes, holidays, he's seen them grow and loves them unconditionally. My kids adore him. He's even said if the girls want their dad to walk them down the aisle he's fine with it but to me it's a slap in the face neither he or I deserve.
The thought of seeing my ex have the honor of walking my lil girl down (for a wedding that I'M paying for) makes me physically ill. I know it's just one day, one moment in her life, whereas me and my boyfriend have had so many that surely I could let the bastard have this one duty but the bile that fills my mouth is hard to ignore. I could do my duty and honor her wishes but I don't think it's right.
My question is, is it fair for me to ask her to reconsider if I offer her an alternative? For example: I would feel a little better about it if he fulfilled even one fatherly duty - by paying for the wedding. That's quite frankly the very least he could do considering. He'll poor-mouth as usual, even though he makes more than I do. Otherwise, if I have to pay for this wedding as I suspect I will, then she has to pick someone else. I don't even care who. The entire wedding will be to HER specifications as it is. It's up to him now to be a man. If he can't even do this one miniscule thing as a father for his eldest daughter then what good is he?
I realize it's her choice, so I'll deal with whatever she decides if I have to and once it's decided I won't say one thing about it, Ever. I'll support her in every possible way as I have all her life. Is this a fair enough proposal? My daughter is very tenderhearted so she would never act all bitchy by saying It's my wedding! or It's MY day! She's been brought up better than that. She just wants a father so bad that she's given him a free pass.