I've been born into a traditional Muslim Pakistani lifestyle. But I'm not that conservative. I don't dress vulgar but I love dressing up in outfits that would be considered scandalous in my society. Then, after exposure to clubs and yummy fruit cocktails/wines, I realize I do like to go out with my girls and have a drink or two. Where I stay in control and just feel lighter. I'm conservative when it comes to guys but I don't think it has to do with religion, more like I think I don't want to be used.
When we go out to pretty clubs, I flirt and talk but nothing more and interestingly, while I do get approached by sleazers, there are men out there who are fine with my lack of intimate desire. When I dance, it's only with the girls.
I'm applying to medical school and the process is super tough. Then, while I'm going on dates and stuff, I can't get over the guy who really changed my life. He was a hot over-achieving party boy and fell hard but then blocked off contact bc he's never had a g/f. I confronted him bc he's the first I fell for so hard and he tried to approach me but I avoided him. We said goodbye and hugged at grad. I'm not surprised that he still has me blocked. On top of that, two of my guy friends who have gfs distanced themselves from me bc their gfs think that we flirt. Finally, the girls I went out with are actually friends from my old home, 3000 miles away who came to visit fun Cali. my friends here are either 1. conservative Pakistanis who don't even know htis side of me and don't even want to go to group outings iwh me (I've always rejectied those parties anyway so I guess it's my fault) and we only go on one to one lunch dates 2. friends but they don't party in the way I do. they like to chill at home or do sports. a fun laid-back crowd but I love the action and the bright lights and late nights.
I feel so alone. I feel like I can't fit into any worlds. I feel stressed by my applications. I feel caged by myreligion and culture. I miss John, the party boy, though I am pretty enough and have dates. I miss my guy friends. I miss my true reall girl friends, 3000 miles away. Advice on any and all.
I guess I do feel lonely but I don't want to settle. To add cherry on top of all this, I accidently started to flirt with a guy friend I've known for ages...and turned down the puppy love who I liked for 12 years who FINALLY came to his senses (he finally lost me to another crush-haha)!
When we go out to pretty clubs, I flirt and talk but nothing more and interestingly, while I do get approached by sleazers, there are men out there who are fine with my lack of intimate desire. When I dance, it's only with the girls.
I'm applying to medical school and the process is super tough. Then, while I'm going on dates and stuff, I can't get over the guy who really changed my life. He was a hot over-achieving party boy and fell hard but then blocked off contact bc he's never had a g/f. I confronted him bc he's the first I fell for so hard and he tried to approach me but I avoided him. We said goodbye and hugged at grad. I'm not surprised that he still has me blocked. On top of that, two of my guy friends who have gfs distanced themselves from me bc their gfs think that we flirt. Finally, the girls I went out with are actually friends from my old home, 3000 miles away who came to visit fun Cali. my friends here are either 1. conservative Pakistanis who don't even know htis side of me and don't even want to go to group outings iwh me (I've always rejectied those parties anyway so I guess it's my fault) and we only go on one to one lunch dates 2. friends but they don't party in the way I do. they like to chill at home or do sports. a fun laid-back crowd but I love the action and the bright lights and late nights.
I feel so alone. I feel like I can't fit into any worlds. I feel stressed by my applications. I feel caged by myreligion and culture. I miss John, the party boy, though I am pretty enough and have dates. I miss my guy friends. I miss my true reall girl friends, 3000 miles away. Advice on any and all.
I guess I do feel lonely but I don't want to settle. To add cherry on top of all this, I accidently started to flirt with a guy friend I've known for ages...and turned down the puppy love who I liked for 12 years who FINALLY came to his senses (he finally lost me to another crush-haha)!