I still have nightmares, panic attacks when a large group of people approach me, deathly afraid of the dark and will not let my children out of my sight.
I know exactly how all this started. As a kid my older brothers would lock me in cupboards and leave me there for hours whilst our parents were out. They would beat the hell outta me if I so much as moved or spoke. I had 7 older brothers who would all go for me at once, which is where I believe the whole fear of groups of people came from. I have nightmares where I wake up crying, remembering everything that happened in my childhood. All this has caused me to be extremely overprotective of my children. I will not let them out of my sight for a second and I panic when one of them so much as teases the other, fearing that they will turn out like their uncles. None of my family know of my past, and I don't intend on telling them, its far to embarrassing and degrading. I'm a big guy, 6ft 2, I doubt anyone would believe I was a victim of constant physical abuse and petrified of the dark.
Problem is, I know how my problems started, I just do not know how to overcome them. Is there anything I can do without seeking any professional help, as that is the last thing I want to do, I hate asking people for help. This was the only place I could do that where no one knows me.
I know exactly how all this started. As a kid my older brothers would lock me in cupboards and leave me there for hours whilst our parents were out. They would beat the hell outta me if I so much as moved or spoke. I had 7 older brothers who would all go for me at once, which is where I believe the whole fear of groups of people came from. I have nightmares where I wake up crying, remembering everything that happened in my childhood. All this has caused me to be extremely overprotective of my children. I will not let them out of my sight for a second and I panic when one of them so much as teases the other, fearing that they will turn out like their uncles. None of my family know of my past, and I don't intend on telling them, its far to embarrassing and degrading. I'm a big guy, 6ft 2, I doubt anyone would believe I was a victim of constant physical abuse and petrified of the dark.
Problem is, I know how my problems started, I just do not know how to overcome them. Is there anything I can do without seeking any professional help, as that is the last thing I want to do, I hate asking people for help. This was the only place I could do that where no one knows me.