I don't know how to deal anymore

[sweetblubrry]

Thank you to whoever will read my message and help me out, its kind of long.

I've been doing the "pulling and pushing" with my ex bf for about 4 months now. he broke up with me b/c he needed to figure out his life. He decided to join the military so he's under a lot of stress and he takes it all out on me. he claims he wants to get back together someday but I don't know.... He went from really sweet and nice, to being a jerk and yelling at me to nice and sweet again. Its back and forth whether I feel like he's ready to get back together again or if he gets mad and pushes me away. Either way, its been an emotional hell for me the past 4 months.!! I miss the sweet guy he is when he isn't stressed. I have had anxiety in the past I believe, and its getting really bad. To the point where I think there is no hope, or I will have a panic attack or something.

i have been so upset over all this, I miss him lots. He was perfect until he got stressed out about things. Anyway, I get so stressed over this. Even talking to him is stressful because of the things that he says and the way he says them. I have had anxiety problems in the past so I don't know if this may be it again. But my chest hurts, i get a really discomforting feeling in my chest. Sometimes it last for days and then it will get better again. it kind of comes and goes. Sometimes its a burning sensation and sometimes its just a little pain. Somedays I just need a personal day off from work/school to pull myself together. My chest will hurt or be really tense and I need to take some kind of OTC like benadryl or Advil PM to relax. I have no motivation to get up and go to work that day because I'm tired and I feel like that.

I'm doing my best to try and take care of myself but this situation still give me really bad anxiety from time to time (like once every two weeks or so) for a few days. Lately, I've been worried. Does this have any long term affect on my health? I'm trying my best to not be stressed. People tell me to forget him, but its so hard! I work with him... I'm worried I'm doing damage to my health by being so stressed. I'm 23, have no history of any health problems but I worry anyway. Sometimes I feel like I'm dying.

It has not just been the break up, a lot of things have happened with my work, my job was taken away from me which I LOVED. Bad things have happened to my frienRAB and to me and it just seems to be one thing after another and it really gets to me. A lot of my frienRAB have left from their internship and so I have no one close I can be with and hang out with right now.

I don't want to go to medication. I have done that before, and it made my life worse. This is only a temporary situation but I don't know how much longer it can last. I mean its been 4 months, and I've lost a lot of hope that he will figure himself out finally and come back. And with my other situations, I don't know how it can get worse. Will anything bad happen to me being so stressed and anxious like this for a few months? People are alway telling me this "isn't healthy" but how? I have had panic attacks in the past when it gets to be too much stress. Then I worry that I am really hurting myself. Generally I am not a stressed person, it was an amazing summer, and then everything came crashing down in sept and its been that way ever since. What is going on!!! Sometimes I get really down, and feel like there is no hope anymore. I try to take care of myself but I fail miserably, I can't help being upset over him and getting stressed out. Once those physical symptoms hit, I start worrying about how it affects my health. I want to move on so I can forget him and not be upset, but its not that easy!! Plus I work with him so he will always be there!

 

[bleedingdove]

All I can say is hang in there and think about what is best for YOU. I went through the same thing with my now ex-fiance and we were together 'off and on' for 21 years. I finally said I was through and moved out 1 year ago this month, and this is literally the first month I feel free again. The longer you stay, the longer it will take you to recover, seriously, it isn't worth it, if they truly love you, they won't say hurtful and mean things at any point. Yes, at times we all may say things we don't mean, but not in an emotionally abusive sort of way that you are describing. My anxiety still comes and goes on occasion, but is much better than it ever was when I was with him.
Please just watch out for yourself and do what you think is right.
dove :angel:

 

[Hanshin]

I understand what you feel. I was in an abusive relationship (emotionally) in which my girlfriend would go from sweet to vindictive in an instant. She had her problems (actually she was bipolar and not medicating...) like we all do but she would take it out on our relationship. Our relationship ended with her cheating on me with a guy she married, only to find out later she has cheated on her husband. Well, don't lose hope. What helps a lot of people is just going out with frienRAB and family. Focus your efforts on the things that matter: your future and your well-being. I know its hard to move on, it took me over 2 years to get past a girlfriend whom I dated for 5 years, during my early 20's (which for me are some of the most formative years in an adult's life) but I persevered and spent time with my loved ones, vented to them and let them "take care" of me emotionally. Later on, I found a great girl who instilled hope in me. She is the exact opposite of what my old girlfriend was: she's sweet, supportive and we never have trivial fights (I know that can be hard to believe but we just seem to be on the same team) we take care of each other and respect each other as equals. Now our relationship is going 3 years strong! You don't need your ex's negativity in your life. Take care of you, be selfish in that way! You will get through this. If you need help, just reach out to frienRAB and family, or if needed counseling. Keep your chin up and you'll be in better spirits before you know it!

 

[starsmom]

You are not alone. I am relatively new to anxiety disorder having had only since Christmas. There has not been a day that went by that I felt normal. Somedays are better than others. I have tried a couple meRAB to date that made me feel worse, but i'm not giving up. I want to try other things until I find one that works for me. I like you have a relationship issue but it is with my mom. We get along just fine........that is when she is her somewhat normal self. She has bi-polar disorder and right now is off her meRAB and in the manic phase. Her episodes never seemed to bother me, I just always hoped she'd go to the hospital soon and get help and get back to normal. But since I've had the anxiety I have to do my very best to avoid her at all costs. When I just see her I can feel a dramatic increase in my anxiety. I avoid her calls when possible. I don't blame my mom for my anxiety but lately she is a major factor. Just talking about my arms are starting to get hot and nurab. So if you can get someone out of your life that is dragging you down try really hard to do so. I know it's easier said than done. When I was younger I had a boyfriend who really wasn't any good for me. It took a long time to get over him, but looking back years later, i'm glad i'm not there anymore.

 

[grettle7]

well you can do one of 2 things. worry about yourself for a change and get better or stay in a bad relationship and be miserable. your choice. my boyfriend and i broke up and it has been the worst experience of my life. i loved him so much and that has just added to my being so miserable. but hopefully it will get better for you in time. i would try and get away from him

 

[camille092000]

I can relate to what you are going through. In my years as a young adult, looking back I wish I had known back then what I now know.
It is obvious that your ex is going through issues that are his own and has nothing to do with you. Personally, I donot think you should put your life on hold until he has made up his mind. Turn again to your faith and pray and allow Him to help guide you unto a the path of love, peace and nurture. I do not know your religious beliefs, but perhaps there might be a Church close by where you are living where you can assist.
Give yourself the chance to heal and believe from the heart that you are loved. Close your eyes when at rest and visualize that which gives you warmth, comfort, the feeling of being safe and just believe.

Take care