For the past few months I just can't seem to feel anything. My grades are slipping drastically, I'm not talking to family members anymore, I don't care if I get in seriously trouble... I knew If I keep going the way I am then I'll end up on the streets and such... But I just don't care. I feel like I'm screwed no matter what I do, even If "Succeed". Where is it going to get me. I have no idea what I want to do with my life.
My family is going through turmoil right now. My mother is 65,000 dollars in school loans debt. We're on welfare. Our family lives on the bare minimals. In fact, to pay our comcast and verizon bill, my dad has turned into a practical prostitute for this sugar mama. (& I do mean sugar, as in she needs to lay off it for a while.) Not like he minds though. He doesn't exactly have the cleanest record in my parents marriage. I don't hate him, and I don't feel shame. I only feel sorry for my mother and admire how she can sit and watch this for the sake of giving her children a decent life.
Oh, and I've surely given up in love. Has nothing to do with daddy issues, I know every man isn't like him... but I feel as if there is no such thing as love. And if there is then, then for some reason I can't feel it. Besides my close family... I always have this hard feeling. Even right now. It's like there's this dark covering over my heart. It weighs it down slightly and keeps out any emotions before that I used to love. The spark and jump of the heart, the instant brightening. I only catch it in few moments. It's hard to get it. Plus, I'm not sexually attracted to anyone anymore. I see everyone equally. Even if he's an awesome guy personality wise... it doesn't mean a thing to me. One small part of me wants to date and find love, but mostly it's just unimportant. I don't want a boyfriend.
There were a few exceptions though. A few fictional character, to which I have loved my whole life. (My family.) A dream. (I still have wonderful dreams every now and then.) And my best friend... who turns out liked another close friend of mine and then went gay. Yay! I'm happy for him, but he's the closest thing to love I have... that's not a sibling kinda thing. I tell him things no one else knows, and he does the same.... It sucks major ass.
I really want to turn my life back around. I don't feel like I'm living... and I don't care... Did I fail to mention that? I don't have any meaning in my life.
Help, please.
My family is going through turmoil right now. My mother is 65,000 dollars in school loans debt. We're on welfare. Our family lives on the bare minimals. In fact, to pay our comcast and verizon bill, my dad has turned into a practical prostitute for this sugar mama. (& I do mean sugar, as in she needs to lay off it for a while.) Not like he minds though. He doesn't exactly have the cleanest record in my parents marriage. I don't hate him, and I don't feel shame. I only feel sorry for my mother and admire how she can sit and watch this for the sake of giving her children a decent life.
Oh, and I've surely given up in love. Has nothing to do with daddy issues, I know every man isn't like him... but I feel as if there is no such thing as love. And if there is then, then for some reason I can't feel it. Besides my close family... I always have this hard feeling. Even right now. It's like there's this dark covering over my heart. It weighs it down slightly and keeps out any emotions before that I used to love. The spark and jump of the heart, the instant brightening. I only catch it in few moments. It's hard to get it. Plus, I'm not sexually attracted to anyone anymore. I see everyone equally. Even if he's an awesome guy personality wise... it doesn't mean a thing to me. One small part of me wants to date and find love, but mostly it's just unimportant. I don't want a boyfriend.
There were a few exceptions though. A few fictional character, to which I have loved my whole life. (My family.) A dream. (I still have wonderful dreams every now and then.) And my best friend... who turns out liked another close friend of mine and then went gay. Yay! I'm happy for him, but he's the closest thing to love I have... that's not a sibling kinda thing. I tell him things no one else knows, and he does the same.... It sucks major ass.
I really want to turn my life back around. I don't feel like I'm living... and I don't care... Did I fail to mention that? I don't have any meaning in my life.
Help, please.