I can't let go of the past - wasted times indeed

[quixoticparadox]

I am a 19 year old male who still hasn't graduated from high school.

My life started going down hill when I began high school around 5 years ago.
A sudden burst of depression, along with extreme anxiety turned me into a loner in school. I went from having a lot of friends, to literally having only 1-2 friends.

I got through grade 10, but then dropped out of school around half way through grade 11.

All I did at home was watch T.V. and wished that I could go into a dream world to escape this miserable life.

My doctor gave me some anti-depressant pills, but they did nothing at all.
The only thing that got rid of my depression was cutting out processed foods from my diet, as well as practicing Yoga on a daily basis.

I lost my depression at around age 18, but still had anxiety. Losing my depression allowed me to continue on with high school through home schooling. This process was too slow, however. I felt I had to get back into a regular school if I ever wanted to finish high school. But this school I'm in is not a normal high school. It only had 650 students at the start of the year, but that number dwindled down to 200 students at the end of the year. Too many drug heads, and trouble makers. I feel like I'm in a school for the rejects of society.

My first year back in high school has just been completed. It started out with lots of anxiety, but I eventually got that problem down to a manageable state. I still have 1 more full year of high school to complete. This involves taking summer school, which starts tomorrow.

Finishing high school when I'm 20 years old is always on my mind. I feel like such a loser for wasting those years away. Those earlier years were supposed to be some of the best times of my life. All of my old friends are already in University, but I'm still in high school. I can't get this out of my head.

To top it all off, I start summer school tomorrow for Chemistry. Now, I know for a fact that this summer school is going to be full of 15-17 year old students. I went to the same summer school after grade 9, and had a lot of fun. But now I have nothing in common with these younger students.

Any thoughts or words of encouragement would be appreciated.

 

[Lauren]

You talk like you're a loser but from what I'm reading you have surmounted a lot of obstacles. You beat depression and took control of your life. It's better to finish school at 20 than not to finish at all. Years from now it's not going to matter whether you finished at 18 or 20. Just keep going forward. As for summer school it's not very much fun to be stuck with a class that you don't have much in common with but that's not why you are there for. Remember that.

 

[J(L)x]

Hi & Welcome to the Boards!
Well, first of all, you are not a loser. Almost every person on earth has taken (or will take) a side road or two along the way. You didn't mention where you wish your road to lead, but you obviously have some plan for your future.
Having the courage to return to high school is a very mature decision. With just one year to go, it's a relatively short time in a lifespan. Many people enter college later in life. There's no set rules of when someone is ready to continue or complete their education. Most just go with the normal flow of things. Others, like you, set schedules for themselves when the time feels right to them.
Look at what you've overcome already! Depression, anxiety, uncertainty. Most of us have dealt with some (or maybe a lot) of that. It's part of life.
You've found a way to overcome & deal with these things at a very young age. Many never find that.
So I don't have much advice, except this: Forget the past...it can't be changed. Concentrate on what you are working towards and forget about the younger people in your class tomorrow and next year. They are there for their own reasons. You are there because you've chosen a better future for yourself. And just because you think it's a bad school, with not so "enthusiastic" students, doesn't mean you cannot get an education there.
Age has very little to do with anything, except in high school. Only there does it seem to be an issue. So forget that, and just go forward with your plans & goals. Don't look back. Don't look sideways. Look straight ahead.
And Good Luck!

 

[Tyler M]

Is there a Community College in your area?
If so, it may be just the thing.
You can enroll without a diploma -- although there are some other hoops through which you will surely bound with the greatest of ease.
I have been both a student and an employee at a community college.
The majority of students are much like yourself, having gotten off-track (some more than others) and now getting back on track with the advantage of realizing how important that is.

 

[Clueless Jessica]

everone has said all the things which need to be said about going forward. i would just like to comment on your worry about the younger students. you may find they will have problems themselves and will not communicate with their teacher, therefore, you could put yourself forward as a sounding board, to help them. i'm sure they;ll respond to an older peer, than a teacher, i myself had a hard time puting the pastbehind, but so many new doors have opened, i just wish i hadn't lost so much of my time getting here. i'mm 55yrs.old and wasted so much time. you hold your head up and be proud, you're a survivor same as me. good luck!