I can't do this anymore. I am sorry this is long but I need to rant.?

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Kate

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I've tried to pull my life back together over the summer and until now, but its crumbling. I am crying a bit right now just typing this.
My dad lives in florida with my brother and sister and his wife, and I call him one weekend, he calls the next. He hasn't called in 2 weekends. My mom is a lost cause sadly, she promises/plans things and ditches me last minute. My brother lives with her and I really dislike her low life bf, but that I can do nothing about.

My two bestfriends who are twins seem to try to mix me with their school friends, (I don't go to the same school with them) and tonight I felt left out, and humiliated and alone when trick or treating. It seems my other friend whos Gay, only wants to talk to me when he has problems or wants to do something otherwise he doesn't answer me. I'm doing terribly in my french class and I'm trying so hard to love myself, but I can't.

I need to leave, I can't stand the negativity with my grandparents I live with, all I hear is yelling and criticism and I really have no good relationship with my grandmother, my arch rival/enemy. I can't stop looking to the future, my only escape out of this hell reality that will soon be my past. I want to get out of here, I need to move far away and I mean far far away. I'm only a soph. in highschool so I have 3 years left, but those 3 years are going to be vigorous. My long distance relationship is going in the gutter. He's out partying right now. I'm home with a headache and ready to crawl in bed and cry. He's coming to see me in 2 weeks. But right now I just want to escape away from everybody. I miss my father, and I miss the future that hasn't yet come, I miss the memories I never got to make. I want to cry, but I can't. I seem to get headaches rather than crying, and dreaming rather then thinking. My fantasies never relate to my reality and I don't know why I keep wanting to run from it all :(
I think I should talk to my shrink about this -- I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder because after the leaves started changing and falling, I'm starting to get pretty sad...
 
I'm wondering why you arent with your father and bro and sis - ??? why are you stuck with your evil gramma? I think your dad needs to take you in and give you a better life - why is that not happening? Cry - and send me a message - I just dont get it.
 
Take a look at what you do have. Sounds like you have a place to live and by that I would guess that you also have food. Many people in this world don't even have the basics to survive. Don't get me wrong, I think on occasion we are all guilty of becoming absorbed in our problems but it is at those moments that we need to look at the people around us and in other countries to help us put things in perspective.

For example, the last couple of weeks I have had some complaints about my life....just a bunch of stupid stuff but at the time I was blowing everything out of proportion. In any event, last week I went to visit my aunt in a hospital and saw a bunch of people that were injured severly to the point where they would never walk or even function in a manner similar to most people. It is experiences such as those that really put things into prospective for me. I have my health, I have a job, I have family, I am alive.

Take a look at the good things in your life and try to recognize that these difficult times will pass. Dealing with your current issues head-on will make you stronger. There is no need to run.
 
You know, it seems you are making your own self sad. You are a beautiful person who has to make her own life more enjoyable. You will have years when you are older to worry about things you can't control. When you're young everything appears to be troubling but it really is the best time of your life, you just have to work a little bit harder sometimes to have a good day. Don't allow those adults in your life to destroy your dreams. Remember, adults don't always have all the right answers to life's problems. Just try to do the best you can with what you have and once you get grown - you will be the decision maker.
 
sorry you are so down but you didn't mention why you don't live with your dad. it always seems that things happen all at once doesn't it? anyway, this is a tough time and it's going to pass with time the only thing you can do is make the best of what you have and have faith it will get better. instead of crying laugh or even fake a smile the more you do it the more it's a reality. you could try a funny movie. good luck!
 
Awww like all other things, this is just a phase in your life that will pass too. Try to stay positive (easier said than done) but try. Do things that make you happy, tell the people in your life that they are hurting your feelings by acting that way. They may not realize that their actions are hurting you.

I'm a French tutor by the way, so if you need help, email me
[email protected]

and I'll help you with homework etc whenever you need it.

Feel better soon!
 
use the years you have left at school to make the best future you can... who cares if you spend a few nights in alone. education really will open doors... maybe think about further education in a foreign county. Unless u have friends that stick with you thick and thin i wouldn't care too much about them. You will always makes new friends, some probably more on your level when you are following the same paths in life..... i know this is probably really hard to understand right now (felling low yea..) but the future is bright just make sure u fight for it and don't wory about too much now.
 
It would be a good idea to talk to someone about all of this. You sound like you have a tough life and have been dealt a bad hand. Are you a strong person? Can you endear 3 more years knowing that life will be better if you only rely on yourself, get to college and make something of yourself? I'm sorry your friends are not taking your friendship seriously, but let them know how you feel, nicely. Good luck
 
It would be a good idea to talk to someone about all of this. You sound like you have a tough life and have been dealt a bad hand. Are you a strong person? Can you endear 3 more years knowing that life will be better if you only rely on yourself, get to college and make something of yourself? I'm sorry your friends are not taking your friendship seriously, but let them know how you feel, nicely. Good luck
 
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