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Secrets1983
Guest
WOW! There is nothing else I can really say right now but WOW.
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Lugar22
Guest
I second what Secrets said!!! Reach.......Im gonna read that over and over...that is one inspiring and brutally honest post. Thanks.
Erie........I know you're in a bad place right now but have hope. Read Reachs post again because it something we all need to realise. We are all with you in this....and understand how you feel.I am also scared and also feel stuck but the crack is that we dont have to be. There is a chink in the armour of addiction and we can take that suit off and just be our true selves. But we have to really,REALLY want it. I am here to help....tell me if theres anything I can do.
Post it all out,my mate
love CC
Erie........I know you're in a bad place right now but have hope. Read Reachs post again because it something we all need to realise. We are all with you in this....and understand how you feel.I am also scared and also feel stuck but the crack is that we dont have to be. There is a chink in the armour of addiction and we can take that suit off and just be our true selves. But we have to really,REALLY want it. I am here to help....tell me if theres anything I can do.
Post it all out,my mate
love CC
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erie123
Guest
Hi Everyone
Ive been trying to do a taper but its just not working, i keep takeing more then im supposed to i take vic 8-10 aday. It work for a few days but now im back in the same boat and chaseing how i can get more. so my question is i think it might be time to ask for help. i dont want to ask my dr cuz she is a family friend and nobody does no of my addication. So wear do i go? do I go to a clinic? how does it work? is it costly? do they take insurance? should i try suboxone? I just dont know what to do. i know i need help but i want to do it discretely as possible. right now i just cant take time off of work and im afraid if i do cold turkey could i work? From others and reading the wd i dont think i could work.
Ive been trying to do a taper but its just not working, i keep takeing more then im supposed to i take vic 8-10 aday. It work for a few days but now im back in the same boat and chaseing how i can get more. so my question is i think it might be time to ask for help. i dont want to ask my dr cuz she is a family friend and nobody does no of my addication. So wear do i go? do I go to a clinic? how does it work? is it costly? do they take insurance? should i try suboxone? I just dont know what to do. i know i need help but i want to do it discretely as possible. right now i just cant take time off of work and im afraid if i do cold turkey could i work? From others and reading the wd i dont think i could work.
R
reachout
Guest
Hello Erie
How are you today? I have a bit of a fear that I chased you into hiding after my last post to you. I am sorry if I did.
I wrote those worRAB to you, Erie, because I have been in your shoes, standing right in the spot you are now. I knew for some months that I was in real trouble, but could not bring myself to face anyone and tell them that I was abusing the pain meRAB I was on as well as Xanax. I knew, in the same way that you know. I was terrified of two things..
First, what the heck would people around me think of me? I was a golden girl, always the one with the jokes, always the one organizing get togethers, always out there in the swing of life, always the one with sensible, practical answers.
Second, how would I ever get along without the pills at the ready for me? Would I be able to function? Would I be able to be a part of things? Would I ever be able to leave the house without the security of an ample supply of pills?
Well, I stayed afraid about those things for so long that I finally just spiraled down into a full and complete breakdown. I could not function in any way at all; I stopped speaking for months; I had to retire from a job I loved becaquse I could not get up and go to work; I isolated from all family and frienRAB. I became but a shell of my former self. Then, and only then, did desperation lead me to get some help.
Sigh. What time I wasted in my self-imposed misery. Life became a torment for me each and every day until I could feel the last little recpognizable bit of myself slipping away. And that was the day that I ended up in my doctor's office a sobbing mess, hysterical, and without hope. And the worRAB came pouring out of me between the sobs. Then, lo and behold, my doctor said, "I can help you." My husband held my hand as the three of us talked and worked out my plan. The relief, the relief. Erie, was something I could actually feel physically. Oh, I wasn't better right away, but such a huge burden was lifeted from me. These two men in the room with me were the two men I trusted most in my entire world. Both had stood by me faithfully throughout a huge battle with cancer. Why I had forgotten that I could trust them both to help me when I needed help? I guess for the reasons above... fear of what they would think of me and fear that my pill usage was truly going to end. I had become so wrapped up in my struggle that I lost all perspective. And this is something all addicts do.
Erie, please come post again and let us know what is inside of your head. Please know that my post to you was not in judgement, but in true understanding. I have gone through withdrawal and come out strong. I am happy again in life, I can deal with life on life's terms and I find joy in my daily life. It is all waiting for you, also, Erie. Let the Board walk alongside of you as the needed steps are taken. We care so much about you... I know the people in your life care even more.
Hugs
reach
How are you today? I have a bit of a fear that I chased you into hiding after my last post to you. I am sorry if I did.
I wrote those worRAB to you, Erie, because I have been in your shoes, standing right in the spot you are now. I knew for some months that I was in real trouble, but could not bring myself to face anyone and tell them that I was abusing the pain meRAB I was on as well as Xanax. I knew, in the same way that you know. I was terrified of two things..
First, what the heck would people around me think of me? I was a golden girl, always the one with the jokes, always the one organizing get togethers, always out there in the swing of life, always the one with sensible, practical answers.
Second, how would I ever get along without the pills at the ready for me? Would I be able to function? Would I be able to be a part of things? Would I ever be able to leave the house without the security of an ample supply of pills?
Well, I stayed afraid about those things for so long that I finally just spiraled down into a full and complete breakdown. I could not function in any way at all; I stopped speaking for months; I had to retire from a job I loved becaquse I could not get up and go to work; I isolated from all family and frienRAB. I became but a shell of my former self. Then, and only then, did desperation lead me to get some help.
Sigh. What time I wasted in my self-imposed misery. Life became a torment for me each and every day until I could feel the last little recpognizable bit of myself slipping away. And that was the day that I ended up in my doctor's office a sobbing mess, hysterical, and without hope. And the worRAB came pouring out of me between the sobs. Then, lo and behold, my doctor said, "I can help you." My husband held my hand as the three of us talked and worked out my plan. The relief, the relief. Erie, was something I could actually feel physically. Oh, I wasn't better right away, but such a huge burden was lifeted from me. These two men in the room with me were the two men I trusted most in my entire world. Both had stood by me faithfully throughout a huge battle with cancer. Why I had forgotten that I could trust them both to help me when I needed help? I guess for the reasons above... fear of what they would think of me and fear that my pill usage was truly going to end. I had become so wrapped up in my struggle that I lost all perspective. And this is something all addicts do.
Erie, please come post again and let us know what is inside of your head. Please know that my post to you was not in judgement, but in true understanding. I have gone through withdrawal and come out strong. I am happy again in life, I can deal with life on life's terms and I find joy in my daily life. It is all waiting for you, also, Erie. Let the Board walk alongside of you as the needed steps are taken. We care so much about you... I know the people in your life care even more.
Hugs
reach
S
Secrets1983
Guest
Thank you so much for sharing that Reach! Erie, I hope you post again to let us all know how you are doing. Reach has a lot of wisdom and i too should be following her advice... One day.. I will find the strengh.... One day.... I am clean but suffering and I know if I did what she is suggesting... This would get easier. Why I continue to torment myself is out of fear like she said.. So fearful of what people will think and i am crurabling.... Reach.. thank you for your worRAB.
Hope you both are doing well!!!
Hope you both are doing well!!!
E
erie123
Guest
Thanks reachout:angel: Ive read over and over your posts to me. I truley appericate the time you have taken to help me.
A lil backround on me is i am just that of what you spoke of.. the golden one. I am a great friend to many who plans many get togethers. I am a full time worker in a wellness spa (go figure) I babysit for stay at home moms so they can do there erranRAB,gym,shopping. ect.
And then there is this one secrete i keep from the world, a couple yrs back i had a pinched nerve and boom i got vics and they just made me into a different person. I wanted to do more, travel, work, go out even clean lol i was happy and confindent.
And here i am tired. irritable, ashamed,sad i can no longer reach that high i once had even though i try.
I thought i could taper but its not going well ,i want to tell someone but i havent yet i am erabarrased. I even want to go ct but im so scared and like you said i cant hide it. So i am just i a sucky place right now and i thank you and everyone else to let me tell my story.
A lil backround on me is i am just that of what you spoke of.. the golden one. I am a great friend to many who plans many get togethers. I am a full time worker in a wellness spa (go figure) I babysit for stay at home moms so they can do there erranRAB,gym,shopping. ect.
And then there is this one secrete i keep from the world, a couple yrs back i had a pinched nerve and boom i got vics and they just made me into a different person. I wanted to do more, travel, work, go out even clean lol i was happy and confindent.
And here i am tired. irritable, ashamed,sad i can no longer reach that high i once had even though i try.
I thought i could taper but its not going well ,i want to tell someone but i havent yet i am erabarrased. I even want to go ct but im so scared and like you said i cant hide it. So i am just i a sucky place right now and i thank you and everyone else to let me tell my story.
M
magpie1970
Guest
Sorry to hear about your predicament. If the tapering isn't working for you, I see a couple of options.
First, you can go cold turkey. While it's no fun, you get through the worst of the wd symptoms within the first 3-4 days, then things start to get better. My personal experience with cold turkey hasn't been as bad as what others have gone through. The amount of wd you will have depenRAB on how long you have been using, the method you use and how much you use. You'll experience flulike symptoms and have little energy, but it passes and you get better.
Second, come clean to your doc and see if she can get you some meRAB that will help ease your wd symptoms. Also, even though your doc is a family friend, she CAN NOT talk with anyone about your personal medical conditions.
As far as suboxone, I think that it is just trading one drug for another. Also, if you read some of the posts here, you will find that some people experience worse wd's from that than they would have from the original drug they were trying to stop using.
In order to get and remain sober you need to make a lot of changes. It's not easy, but you can do it. Good luck.
First, you can go cold turkey. While it's no fun, you get through the worst of the wd symptoms within the first 3-4 days, then things start to get better. My personal experience with cold turkey hasn't been as bad as what others have gone through. The amount of wd you will have depenRAB on how long you have been using, the method you use and how much you use. You'll experience flulike symptoms and have little energy, but it passes and you get better.
Second, come clean to your doc and see if she can get you some meRAB that will help ease your wd symptoms. Also, even though your doc is a family friend, she CAN NOT talk with anyone about your personal medical conditions.
As far as suboxone, I think that it is just trading one drug for another. Also, if you read some of the posts here, you will find that some people experience worse wd's from that than they would have from the original drug they were trying to stop using.
In order to get and remain sober you need to make a lot of changes. It's not easy, but you can do it. Good luck.
L
Lugar22
Guest
Hiya mate.....read your post and wanted to ask..how quick are you trying to taper? We all have different levels of tolerance,so maybe if you're using more than you should then your taper is too severe for you too get used to. Dont beat yourself up and think you cant do it.......just go about it in another way. Set yourself up a much more realistic taper that you think you can manage...doesnt matter how long it takes just that you get there in the end. Thats been my trouble,I think......trying to do too much at once. Baby steps,my friend.
With your dr....I agree with what magpie had to say but still understand that if shes a freind it could be hard to even approach her about your issue. Is there no way you could sign on with another docters? Afraid I cant give advice on costs,clinics or insurance cause we just dont roll that way in UK.
Listen mate......hang on in there. The main thing is that you want the change so you're headed in the right direction.
Lastly,I feel if your struggling with taper then CT maybe isnt the answer...you'll just get desperate and want to do more. BUT that is just my opinion and there are many here that CT has worked for. Only you can answer if thats an option with work an all.
Poppit,here if you need or just want to vent.
Dont get to down on yourself.......OK?
love..........CC
With your dr....I agree with what magpie had to say but still understand that if shes a freind it could be hard to even approach her about your issue. Is there no way you could sign on with another docters? Afraid I cant give advice on costs,clinics or insurance cause we just dont roll that way in UK.
Listen mate......hang on in there. The main thing is that you want the change so you're headed in the right direction.
Lastly,I feel if your struggling with taper then CT maybe isnt the answer...you'll just get desperate and want to do more. BUT that is just my opinion and there are many here that CT has worked for. Only you can answer if thats an option with work an all.
Poppit,here if you need or just want to vent.
Dont get to down on yourself.......OK?
love..........CC
E
erie123
Guest
thanks guys...i just want it all over with..... im scared to taper,scared of wd and scared to tell anyone. I do feel stuck. I take these pills for the high not for pain although i trick myself into feeling pain and tr and give myself an excuse to get more.
R
reachout
Guest
Hello Erie
A taper can be very difficult. It takes a lot of discipline and for me, a lot of help from live, 3D people. The burden of doing it all alone is just not imaginable for me.
I went first to my family doctor... also my friend as in your case. I was humiliated and sobbed and shook as I got my story out to him. And you know what? After I did, it was the first time I ever felt hope that I could honstly and truly find my way back to a normal life again. A dent was made in my desperation, a huge dent. And hope filled its place. My husband was with me and together, we all made a plan to get me off the drugs which were a huge part of my depression. The drugs also contributed to my pain as opiates will make us feel more and more pain as the brain calls for more and more of them.
My doctor, my friend, was the most supportive person in all of this. He cared about me on many levels and wanted me to feel better, be better, be healthy and happy again. He told me, "I can help you." You know why he was able to say that? Because I was, by no stretch of the imagination, the first person from whom he heard the story. No doctor is! It is an old, old story and our biggest mistake is not seeking help from our doctors when we need help. We play doctor and self-medicate taking too many pills. Then we continue to play doctor and self-medicate trying to not take pills on our own.
When we are actively in addiction, we all too often sell our family, frienRAB and doctors short. And I say this to you gently:
When we decide to finally get off the merry-go-round, our best, best option is to do it with a plan. The plan neeRAB to include a part for getting off and a part for aftercare. Whether cold turkey or taper, I do not believe anyone has the capacity to hide withdrawal. Whether or not others understand it is withdrawal or not, it is easy to recognize something is drastically wrong with us. To think we can hide it is just our addict brain thinking!
So, Erie, my suggestion is to seek out those who love and care about you most, ask for their help, and get the show on the road. If having others know about the problem is erabarrassing to you, then just think about how it will feel when there is no hope left for you at all. Drug addiction leaRAB to a dead end... literally.
Love yourself enough to care more about your outcome, trust yourself to understand how serious the probelm is.... and then love and trust others enough to help you.
With all hope
reachout
A taper can be very difficult. It takes a lot of discipline and for me, a lot of help from live, 3D people. The burden of doing it all alone is just not imaginable for me.
I went first to my family doctor... also my friend as in your case. I was humiliated and sobbed and shook as I got my story out to him. And you know what? After I did, it was the first time I ever felt hope that I could honstly and truly find my way back to a normal life again. A dent was made in my desperation, a huge dent. And hope filled its place. My husband was with me and together, we all made a plan to get me off the drugs which were a huge part of my depression. The drugs also contributed to my pain as opiates will make us feel more and more pain as the brain calls for more and more of them.
My doctor, my friend, was the most supportive person in all of this. He cared about me on many levels and wanted me to feel better, be better, be healthy and happy again. He told me, "I can help you." You know why he was able to say that? Because I was, by no stretch of the imagination, the first person from whom he heard the story. No doctor is! It is an old, old story and our biggest mistake is not seeking help from our doctors when we need help. We play doctor and self-medicate taking too many pills. Then we continue to play doctor and self-medicate trying to not take pills on our own.
When we are actively in addiction, we all too often sell our family, frienRAB and doctors short. And I say this to you gently:
It is an arrogant, selfish attitude on our part. We never doubt our own ability to be compassionate and understanding towarRAB others in crisis, but when we feel ourselves in crisis, we do not attribute these characteristics in those who love and care about us most... our family, our frienRAB and our doctors.
When we decide to finally get off the merry-go-round, our best, best option is to do it with a plan. The plan neeRAB to include a part for getting off and a part for aftercare. Whether cold turkey or taper, I do not believe anyone has the capacity to hide withdrawal. Whether or not others understand it is withdrawal or not, it is easy to recognize something is drastically wrong with us. To think we can hide it is just our addict brain thinking!
So, Erie, my suggestion is to seek out those who love and care about you most, ask for their help, and get the show on the road. If having others know about the problem is erabarrassing to you, then just think about how it will feel when there is no hope left for you at all. Drug addiction leaRAB to a dead end... literally.
Love yourself enough to care more about your outcome, trust yourself to understand how serious the probelm is.... and then love and trust others enough to help you.
With all hope
reachout
N
NotPerky
Guest
Yes, Erie, I'm in the same boat as you, as I mentioned in my other posts....so snappy and irritable with people since I've been on these pills. Do my frienRAB/family notice a difference? I don't know. I know my Mom does....she's mentioned it several times....thinks my personality has changed. Of course, I bit her head off, saying "You don't even know if I'm taking them!"....but never being able to deny it. I haven't told ANYONE, even her, of my dependence, but I did tell her I was tapering off them.
I hope you continue to post and let us know how you're doing. I am still tapering....I haven't figured out how long it will take because I don't want to sabotage myself....I'm just goin' One Day at a Time....reducing 3.75 mg/day.
I hope you continue to post and let us know how you're doing. I am still tapering....I haven't figured out how long it will take because I don't want to sabotage myself....I'm just goin' One Day at a Time....reducing 3.75 mg/day.