I can't control the world damn it

A

auggie

New member
You know those college kids who stress way too much except you don't feel bad for them cause they take on way too much stuff anyway. That's me! YUP! So why am I angry? Well it's a matter of self bashing more then anything else. Why can't I handle everything that I want to do? Why can't I remember everything I need to get done? WHY AM I SUCH A LOSER!!!! Everyone else has been managing just fine I'm just the idiot who can't handle it. Seriously sometimes I just think I really don't deserve to live. My entire life is a WTF moment. :sad: Then I force myself to breathe and remember that I cannot control the world. I cannot force everything to be the way I want it to be. I'm not a machine and eventually I do need to sleep and eat and relax for a moment. Or something bad is going to happen like :flamed: BURN OUT!!! that sounds like fun. Not!
Then you realize that you are not a loser cause everyone has the exact same problems as you do and has to deal with them their own way. As much as people think this makes you feel better it doesn't. What really makes me feel better is stopping for a moment not worrying about the world and living in the moment just for a bit. You force yourself to consider why you are doing the things you are doing. Then you realize cause you love it. I love being busy and I love my major and I love learning. So it was you yourself who put yourself in this situation and though it may drive you up a wall sometimes and make you miss certain events you wish you could go to or get forced into spending less time with people you really care about. You love it just the same and wouldn't have it any other way. WTF!!!!! It's a fucking circle!!! And it sucks but at the same time makes you incredibly happy. There's just no satisfying me I guess.... though I'd love to see someone try.;)
 
When I went to college the first time, I actually stressed out a lot. I started out taking right at 20 hours of classes. By the first week in, I dropped to 14 hours. However, I ended up still being stressed - not because of the stuff I was taking on, but the stuff that was being thrown on me by the teachers - specifically my piano and voice teacher.

For recital (which was twice every semester) we had to learn two pieces per performance class. I was going into music education, and I was taking piano (even with previous experience because it was required) and voice lessons (although I've been singing for years). Both my piano and voice teacher overloaded me. My piano teacher assigned me four songs, while my voice teacher assigned me six for the first recital. I ended up getting sick from stress (physically ill) and had to withdraw, doctor's recommendation and all. It sucked.

Right now, I'm pretty satisfied. My fiancee and are going to classes together, and I'm going into an enitrely different field of study. It works in more ways than one for me, because not only do I have a live-in study partner, but I also am going fora passion that I've always had. Helping others (counseling and clinical psychology emphasis).
 
You need to take things one item at a time, one step at a time, and only those within your scope of control.

Everything else, you leave up to the universe.
 
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