I am working on my writing skills .. what would you rate this piece out of

  • Thread starter Thread starter divina_feb14
  • Start date Start date
D

divina_feb14

Guest
10?please help!? there is no story or plot .. i just wrote it because i felt like writing it ...
it would be really nice if you could tell me where i have to improve and what is missing ...etc etc ..criticism is welcomed! [i am 18].
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Preface


Have you ever had one of those feelings when the adrenalin rush made your heart thump fast or stop?

I was staring at the window pane in the room which had just been ripped apart in search of something I had no idea existed. These three men banged in the room, pushed me at the cutlery with minimal force causing maximum damage in the room and on me. I could feel the piercing pain all over my body and the blood trickling down my hands. They pushed the wall facing me; again with such minimal force as if it was a bird’s feather they were moving, meanwhile muttering, rather chanting words that didn’t make any sense at the time. The wall started to change colour from the pale white wash to a radiant blue. Then words started forming on the wall. A strange pattern was being embossed by the simple English alphabets. The pattern didn’t make sense. It was like a snake curling itself around a delicate flower and probably trying to crush it into non-existent particles.
One of the three men picked me up and said in a husky voice, ‘We know you didn’t choose this path but there is no one in the entire world that can do this better than you. You are the only hope.’ They walked away, disappeared or probably turned transparent. I wasn’t sure what had happened. I could feel my head spinning hard and everything going dark. The pain was still there but nothing made sense. Nothing at all made sense.

I just had that feeling.
 

Chapter 1

‘MA!!’ I shouted. ‘WHERE did you keep my passport and ticket?’
Some things never change. For instance when you are already running late to catch your flight and you misplace your tickets and passport. Such things take place every time. Most of my life has been formed by problems. Weather it was high school, getting in a team, learning to dance, finding love or solving Math. All “life” had to offer to me is a bunch of big problems. If that wasn’t enough I used to end up being the agony aunt for most of the friend circle who believed me to be someone who had never had any kind of emotional trauma.
A part of me told me I didn’t belong to this world and another part of me contradicted, proving my imagination to be “insane”. So after twenty one years of this melodrama here, I decided the only way of getting rid is to change my home. And hence, I was going to leave my country and fly off to some place nobody knew me. Well. Nobody knew me except my cousin.
‘Here your tickets are sweetie. You kept them in the kitchen last night.’ Ma replied, handing over the tickets to me, bearing a strong face holding on to the tears. Mothers! They don’t understand the fact that their daughter is leaving only for a year and not for lifetime. But nevertheless she continued.
‘I don’t know why I’m letting you go. You are just a kid and I, like a careless freak am sending you off to that strange new land. Oh! Do you feel like changing your mind? It’s all right. I’ll support your every decision.’
Hmm … mothers! I tried calming her nerves.
‘Ma, I am not a kid nor are you a careless freak. Just calm down and I’ll call you once I reach.’ I bent a little, gave a kiss on her cheek, hugged her tight and before leaving my home whispered ‘Be seeing you!’

I never say Goodbye...
Please don't hesitate to criticize ...
I know i am an amateur ..
you might find the preface's magical thing cliche` but remember there is no plot or story ..i wrote this thing cuz i just felt like writing it ..
thank you!!:D
 
The vocabulary is good. But that alone isn't enough to be an amateur writer. As you yourself have mentioned, there is no particular plot because there is no correlation between the first and second paragraphs. Moreover the beginning except the first two lines, failed to impress. The second paragraph is better than the first one as far as I am concerned. On the whole I would give it 4 points out of 10.
 
The vocabulary is good. But that alone isn't enough to be an amateur writer. As you yourself have mentioned, there is no particular plot because there is no correlation between the first and second paragraphs. Moreover the beginning except the first two lines, failed to impress. The second paragraph is better than the first one as far as I am concerned. On the whole I would give it 4 points out of 10.
 
The vocabulary is good. But that alone isn't enough to be an amateur writer. As you yourself have mentioned, there is no particular plot because there is no correlation between the first and second paragraphs. Moreover the beginning except the first two lines, failed to impress. The second paragraph is better than the first one as far as I am concerned. On the whole I would give it 4 points out of 10.
 
The vocabulary is good. But that alone isn't enough to be an amateur writer. As you yourself have mentioned, there is no particular plot because there is no correlation between the first and second paragraphs. Moreover the beginning except the first two lines, failed to impress. The second paragraph is better than the first one as far as I am concerned. On the whole I would give it 4 points out of 10.
 
The vocabulary is good. But that alone isn't enough to be an amateur writer. As you yourself have mentioned, there is no particular plot because there is no correlation between the first and second paragraphs. Moreover the beginning except the first two lines, failed to impress. The second paragraph is better than the first one as far as I am concerned. On the whole I would give it 4 points out of 10.
 
The vocabulary is good. But that alone isn't enough to be an amateur writer. As you yourself have mentioned, there is no particular plot because there is no correlation between the first and second paragraphs. Moreover the beginning except the first two lines, failed to impress. The second paragraph is better than the first one as far as I am concerned. On the whole I would give it 4 points out of 10.
 
The vocabulary is good. But that alone isn't enough to be an amateur writer. As you yourself have mentioned, there is no particular plot because there is no correlation between the first and second paragraphs. Moreover the beginning except the first two lines, failed to impress. The second paragraph is better than the first one as far as I am concerned. On the whole I would give it 4 points out of 10.
 
The vocabulary is good. But that alone isn't enough to be an amateur writer. As you yourself have mentioned, there is no particular plot because there is no correlation between the first and second paragraphs. Moreover the beginning except the first two lines, failed to impress. The second paragraph is better than the first one as far as I am concerned. On the whole I would give it 4 points out of 10.
 
The vocabulary is good. But that alone isn't enough to be an amateur writer. As you yourself have mentioned, there is no particular plot because there is no correlation between the first and second paragraphs. Moreover the beginning except the first two lines, failed to impress. The second paragraph is better than the first one as far as I am concerned. On the whole I would give it 4 points out of 10.
 
The vocabulary is good. But that alone isn't enough to be an amateur writer. As you yourself have mentioned, there is no particular plot because there is no correlation between the first and second paragraphs. Moreover the beginning except the first two lines, failed to impress. The second paragraph is better than the first one as far as I am concerned. On the whole I would give it 4 points out of 10.
 
The vocabulary is good. But that alone isn't enough to be an amateur writer. As you yourself have mentioned, there is no particular plot because there is no correlation between the first and second paragraphs. Moreover the beginning except the first two lines, failed to impress. The second paragraph is better than the first one as far as I am concerned. On the whole I would give it 4 points out of 10.
 
Back
Top