Everything Ends
New member
i ****** up but it was not all my fault, i was put in a environmental memory control psychological evaluation against my will. they did it with good intentions but it broke me down and gave me mental illness that were not there before. i was reduced to a child with free association, violent tendancies and some other mental illnesses. these were deep sceded and it was the root me but they did with out me being aware. the idea was to raise memorys of sexual abuse to me and what i had done to other people. they controled my environment and controled my thought process for an extended period of time. my memories were programed when i watched the things they told me to, it recalled a chain of events that they had preconstructed.
they did all this with the best intentions they were making me better and i love them for that. but i had more problems than we were aware of. i hurt the woman i have loved for years, i hurt her vagina and anus during sex, scrated her back, and punched her. THIS WAS ALL INVOLENTARY! I DID NOT ACTUALLY MEAN TO DO THIS! and these were all separate occasions. i said horrible things to her family. i tried to punch one of my best friends, so he would hit me for hitting her. i said mean things to everyone but it was all involentary, i had no control and i did not have a coice to be put in this psychological mind ****. i gave up at the end of the test and refused to coraporate. i gave up in the worst most pathetic way and i am now not out of it. i broke the chain i think, but i may remain schiztophrenic i cant find any information on it online about this so i dont know. what is the name of this test and how do i even talk to the people i love, they want nothing to do with me. i love her, and i can never forgie myself for the things i have done, but i think she hates me. and i dont know what to do. please help me.
they did all this with the best intentions they were making me better and i love them for that. but i had more problems than we were aware of. i hurt the woman i have loved for years, i hurt her vagina and anus during sex, scrated her back, and punched her. THIS WAS ALL INVOLENTARY! I DID NOT ACTUALLY MEAN TO DO THIS! and these were all separate occasions. i said horrible things to her family. i tried to punch one of my best friends, so he would hit me for hitting her. i said mean things to everyone but it was all involentary, i had no control and i did not have a coice to be put in this psychological mind ****. i gave up at the end of the test and refused to coraporate. i gave up in the worst most pathetic way and i am now not out of it. i broke the chain i think, but i may remain schiztophrenic i cant find any information on it online about this so i dont know. what is the name of this test and how do i even talk to the people i love, they want nothing to do with me. i love her, and i can never forgie myself for the things i have done, but i think she hates me. and i dont know what to do. please help me.