I am having trouble dealing with officially moving and can't handle living with my...

[Lisa]

...future mother-in-law.? I am moving in with my future mother-in-law and fiance and I am not too happy. My fiance and I had our own place and due to my future mother-in-laws poor financial status and health (she is having hip and knee replacements) we are moving in to her house and taking over most of the bills except her personal ones and the mortgage b/c the house is paid off. The first thing I'm having trouble with is that she lives in filth and is super lazy! I have already gone through the house and cleaned it all from top to bottom and the way she never puts things back and spills stuff and just leaves it has left it a mess and completely unlivable. don't feel at home here and I don't know if there is anything I can do to officially feel like this is my home too. My FMIL is just so stubborn and needs to have her say in everything but can't handle me putting my two-sense in and changing things. I love my fiance but I am finding myself lashing out at him and to be honest just being a B*tch. I am afraid that this is going to push us apart and I wish one of his siblings stepped in and decided to help rather than us. Should we just say to sell the house and she goes somewhere else or do we just leave and let her live in a house falling down around her?

 

[elcF]

I think you have to think about this in both the short term and the long term. Obviously from what you describe, living with her on a permanent basis will not be good for your relationship or indeed your marriage. On the other hand she needs your help just now, and it is really only compassionate to care for her when she needs help.
I know this can be difficult, especially as she probably has pride - I can't imagine how awful it must be to loose the function of a leg!

Talk to your fiancee about how much help she is going to need & when - say before her operation, immediately after and in the longer term. Try and work out what kind of help exactly - is it financial, or is it actual caring? What are you able to do and what is driving you nuts. Maybe one simple and relatively inexpensive short term solution could be to get some cleaning help.

Try and plan ahead for both her needs and your needs as a couple. Perhaps eventually you can get her a nurse, or it might be that his siblings will be able to help out with some stuff.

As a society we are living much longer and needing more help as we get older. It is unfortunate that this is happening to you just as you are starting out your married life, but it is something that 90% of us are going to have to deal with as our pare ts get older and more frail.